As im thinking in my head of all those marvalous things you have said
How we would buy a plane and fly all over the world
How we would buy a house a have a family of are own
But that was before i knew you would leave and never come back
Before you left and died of a heart attack
But even thogh we're far apart your still very close in my heart
2006-10-09 16:23:02 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
i;m giving it a 5 it leaves me in the middle, add more substance.
2006-10-09 16:26:16 · answer #1 · answered by Eryc 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's nice, and i like it. It has a simplicity about it that fits what you are writing about. I write like that alot. I would suggest changing a few small words so that it flowed better with the words natural emphasis. like taking out have in the first line, since you don't need it and it flows better without it. Or even separate some of the longer lines at the end for better emphasis.
Something like this: (*changed something*)
As I'm thinking in my head of all those marvelous things you * said
How we would buy a plane and fly * over the world
How we would buy a house a have a family *all *our own
But that was before i knew you would leave
*and never come back
Before you left and died of a heart attack
But even *though we're far apart
*your still very close in my heart
I'm not saying that this is any better, just different. They're just suggestions because I know i appreciate input, and i think it's cool that you put it out here for people to see. Basically, i rate it a 9!
2006-10-09 16:35:01 · answer #2 · answered by Hannah 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
10
2006-10-10 01:31:41 · answer #3 · answered by blind_chameleon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore parisgirl. I give your poem an 8.2... I think that it could have been a little longer but then again, if you couldn't think of anything, then it would be time to stop writing and the poem is fabulous as it is. Writing is only good as long as the person who is writing it enjoys writing it. I liked it for the most part.
2006-10-09 16:29:37 · answer #4 · answered by Asterisk_Love♥ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I give yah a 10 for bravery,not because the poem is bad but for all the cruel people you will run in to. the poem was really nice,I thought.
2006-10-09 16:50:37 · answer #5 · answered by triftynickel 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should have posted this poem in the Poetry section, not the Jokes & Riddles.
2006-10-09 16:29:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think your poem has very good meaning and heart and i give it a 9
2006-10-09 17:12:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i would like to rate it an 11 but you only go to 10 but i think it is very good i enjoyed it it made me think. excelent =)
2006-10-09 16:49:26 · answer #8 · answered by busman_octa 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
5 for the effort, it kinda hanging in the 4th stanza
2006-10-09 16:46:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I give ur poem an 8
2006-10-09 16:25:35 · answer #10 · answered by DIMPLES 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋