Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

This is going to make u mad bt i hope u can help me.There r 3 words in english language that end in ''gry''.One is angry and the is hungry.EveryONE knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for.EveryONE uses them everyday,and if you listen very carefully I've given you the third word.What is it?___________gry?

2006-10-17 17:13:17 · 19 answers · asked by zchick 3

2006-10-17 17:09:48 · 16 answers · asked by Chrissy 4

My friend got pantsed in gym everything came down according to witnesses people are calling him chode, (little dick) it does not seem to bother him that we call him this but he claims not to have a small dick. Is he lieing and should we continue to make fun of him even-though doesnt seem to bother him and he denies it?

2006-10-17 17:07:59 · 14 answers · asked by Steven Z 1

A man and a woman were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were totaled. They climbed from the wreckage and the woman stood in awe. "Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives," she spoke wisely.
"I agree completely, ma'am," the man replied.

The woman stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. "This bottle of wine wasn't even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship."

"That's a great idea, miss," the man answered taking the bottle from her. He popped the cork and drank his share.

"I'm sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?"

"No, thanks," came the reply. "I'll just wait for the cops to get here."

2006-10-17 16:52:38 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town."
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was swe-e-et!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off.

Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me..."

Finally the guy interrupts: "Go home, Dad - you're drunk!"

2006-10-17 16:48:51 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two Texans were having the blue plate special at their favorite watering hole, when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, a few bar stools down, turning blue from wolfing down an Armadillo Burger too fast. The first Texan said to the other, "Think we ought ta' help?"
"Yep," said the second Texan. The first Texan got up, hitched up his jeans and walked over to the lady. He asked, "Kin yew breathe?"

She shook her head no. "Kin yew speak?" he asked. She again shook her head no.

With that, he helped her to her feet, lifted up her skirt, and started to lick her on the butt. She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe, with great relief.

The first Texan turned back to his friend and said, "Funny how that there Hind Lick Maneuver works ever' time!"

2006-10-17 16:46:01 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the password that was required. He waited by the door and listened. A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, "twelve." The member replied, "six " and was let in. A second member came to the door and the doorman said, "six." The member replied, "three" and was let in. The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The doorman said ,"ten" and the man replied, "five." But he was not let in.

What should have he said?

2006-10-17 16:41:33 · 7 answers · asked by ? 2

Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a loser.
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again.
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
Consumption of alcohol may convince you that your ex is really dying to hear from you at 4 am.
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you're tougher than a really big guy named Kong.
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small... or large gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

2006-10-17 16:38:52 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

10. Immediately go shopping for a vibrator
9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half
8. See if he could finally do a split
7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping-pong ball 20 feet
6. Cross his legs without rearranging his crotch
5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 20 minutes
4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first
3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video
2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too
1. Finally find that damn G-Spot
Things a Woman Would Do if She Woke up with a Penis
10. Get ahead faster in the corporate world
9. Get a *******
8. Find out what is so fascinating about "beating the meat"
7. Pee standing up
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently
5. Find out what it is like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm
4. Touch/shift herself in public without a thought as to how improper it might seem
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction that occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member, which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement
1. Repeat #9

2006-10-17 16:19:37 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two guys were working for the city. One would furiously dig a hole, then the other would come behind him and quickly fill the hole. They were drenched in sweat.
A man watching from the sidewalk couldn't believe how hard they were working, but also couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he said:

"I'm confused. You dig a hole and then your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"

The digger leaned on his shovel and replied, "Oh yeah, it must look funny. You see, the lazy jackass who plants the trees is sick again today!"

2006-10-17 16:11:03 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are three types of sex in a marriage. The first one is Kitchen Sex. This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen.
The second type is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom.

The third type of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, ''Screw you.''

But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom Sex. This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to screw each other in public.

2006-10-17 16:09:32 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he said he didn''''t want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.

Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.

"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."

"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn''''t even want a special last meal!"

The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.

The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."

2006-10-17 16:06:08 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

sing along now...." I love you ...you love me ... we're the yahoo family .... with the stupid questions each & every day and some people should go away"......heehee.....

2006-10-17 15:51:30 · 29 answers · asked by No 3

the number letter sequence lay below

4D617374657220536B726970746F72204920616D

2006-10-17 15:44:25 · 13 answers · asked by fr33dom 2

the french tries to ignore him when the american, chewing his gum as loud as he can, starts a conversation:
-you eat all that croissant?
-yes.
-in the US we don't eat that. we cut the crust out of our breads, place them in containers, process them, and sell them to france as croissants.
the frenchman is unfased and the american keeps coming:
-do you eat jelly with your croissant?
-yes.
-not we. in the US we eat fresh fruits. the peels and pits we place in containers, process it into jelly and sell it to france.
so the french gets back at him:
-do you dispose your used condoms?
-of course we do!!!
-not the french. we place the used condoms in containers, process it into chewing gum, and sell it to the US.

2006-10-17 15:41:13 · 14 answers · asked by jqdsilva 3

A lone farmer rides his tractor on an island completely surrounded by water. There is no bridge to the island. He did not bring the tractor over by boat or ferry, and it was not airlifted to the island. How did the farmer get the tractor on the island?

2006-10-17 15:38:43 · 30 answers · asked by ladyw900ldriver 5

What do you call a snake with grandchildren?

2006-10-17 15:29:55 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

they spent the day discussing the progress made with the russians before they were expelled from the country.
-they built a power dam, an airport, taught us to drink vodka and play russian roulette.
the american embassador looked in awe and said:
-russian roulette is a dangerous game.
-we know. that's why we invented the african roulette. want to play?
-i duno. how do you play it?
the african diplomat claps his hands and in walk six beautiful african ladies, completely nude. the diplomat explained.
-pick one for oral sex.
-but this is much better that russian roulette!!!
-one of them is a cannibal...

2006-10-17 15:18:38 · 8 answers · asked by jqdsilva 3

2006-10-17 15:15:28 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

God gave us something and we lost it. He gave it to us again and we lost it again. But now, if we want it, we must pay for it. What is it?

2006-10-17 15:14:33 · 13 answers · asked by Smartboy 2

Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."

The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?"

His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat."

The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"

####

Leo and Sam exited and locked the car in a hurry, forgetting to remove the key which was in the ignition.

Realizing the mistake, Leo asked, "Why don't we get a coat hanger to open it."

"No, that won't work" answered Sam. "People will think we're trying to break in.

Then Leo suggested, "What if we use a pocket knife to cut around the rubber, then stick a finger in and pull up the lock?

"No," said Sam. "People will think we're too dumb to use a coat hanger.

"Well," siged Leo, "we'd better think of something fast. It's starting to rain!

2006-10-17 15:08:12 · 21 answers · asked by ettezzil 5

apparently kids can get this faster than adults. See if you can get it

Poor people have it and Rich people want it?
Greater than a higher power, and more evil than the Devil?
If you eat it, you'll die.

What is it?

2006-10-17 15:03:46 · 18 answers · asked by ? 3

These are homework riddles my son/daughter needs to do...

2006-10-17 14:54:00 · 8 answers · asked by Baseball Rocks 2

A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. Turns out that his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn't easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I'll give you 100 chickens."

The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the new neighbor stopped by to see how things were going. The new farmer said, "Not too good. All 100 chickens died." The neighbor said, "Oh, I can't believe that. I've never had any trouble with my chickens. I'll give you 100 more."

Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor stops in again. The new farmer says, "You're not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too." Astounded, the neighbor asked, "what went wrong? What did you do to them?" Well, says the new farmer, "I'm not sure whether I'm planting them too deep or not far apart enough."

2006-10-17 14:53:31 · 21 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. During that experience she sees God and ask if this is it.

God says no and explains that she has another 30 years to live. Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc.

She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she's got another 30 years she might as well make the most of it. She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrives in front of God and complains: "I thought you said I had another 30 years.

God replies, "I didn't recognize you."

2006-10-17 14:42:32 · 19 answers · asked by Drew 4

when a rich man does not know, he's not up-to-date.
whan a poor man does not know, he's stupid...

when a rich man is cheated on, his wife is unloyal.
when the poor man is cheated on, his wife is a slut...

when the rich man runs, he's jogging.
when the poor man runs, he's running from the police...

when the rich man eats, he's nourished.
when the poor man eats, he's taking his stomach out of misery...

when a rich man is old, he becomes a senior.
when a poor man is old, he becomes a geezer...

when a rich man tires, he's stressed.
when a poor man tires, he's lazy...

2006-10-17 14:34:45 · 9 answers · asked by jqdsilva 3

This guy is really getting on my nerves, lets all report him. all in favor...

2006-10-17 14:28:49 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

An 85 yr old man went to the doctor and was told he needed to bring back a sperm sample as part of his exam. So he took the jar home with him. He returned with the jar just as clean and empty as the day before. The doc said, what happened? He said, it's like this, first I tried with my right hand, nothing. Then my left nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right. She tried with her left. Nothing. She tried with her mouth. First with her teeth in, then with her teeth out. Still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the next door neighbor. She tried left hand, right hand, then an armpit. She even tried squeezing it between her knees but still nothing. The doctor was shocked. You asked your neighbor? The man replied, "yep. none of us could get the jar open."

2006-10-17 14:18:09 · 16 answers · asked by dianee 6

A bear and rabbit were sitting in the woods taking a crap together .The bear asked "Do you have problems with $hit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit said ,"No!" so the bear picked him up and wiped his ars with him.

2006-10-17 14:06:54 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2. Why do you never see the headline "Psycic Wins Lottery? 3.Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? 4.Why is a boxing ring sqaure? 5. Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? 6. Why do Drs call what they do 'practice'? 7. Why does rain drops but snow falls? 8. Why is dishwashing liquid made with real lemons while lemon juice is made with artificial flavor? 9. Why do you click on "START" to shut down your computer? 10. Why is the man who invests all your money called a "BROKER"? 11. Why is the 3rd hand on a watch called the second hand? 12. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "RUSH HOUR"? 13. Why don't they make the entire plane out of the same material as that indestructable little "black box"?

2006-10-17 14:03:40 · 9 answers · asked by helpme1 5