Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Looking for the coolest, funniest, best finish for this quote. My personal favorit is "In the battle between good and evil, evil has more fun"

2006-08-20 13:29:44 · 9 answers · asked by scottdprt 2

I don't know the answer.

2006-08-20 13:28:51 · 12 answers · asked by R 2

What joke should I put in my sisters 21 birthday card?

2006-08-20 13:17:33 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-20 13:14:30 · 13 answers · asked by C MAN 1

Well my friends in I egged a house pretty good... and we might get charges pressed on us and we are wondering if eggs stained windows cause he want us to pay for it.

2006-08-20 13:04:33 · 9 answers · asked by jkola07 1

2006-08-20 12:49:53 · 17 answers · asked by ravinmik 1

clue #1 "WHEN I GET ON YOU, YOU GO CRAZY"

clue #2 "I JUST LOVE TO SUCK ON YOU IN THE EARLY MORNING AND AT NIGHT "

clue #3 "I CAN COME ON YOU 3 OR 4 TIMES WITHOUT YOU KNOWING"

WHAT AM I?

2006-08-20 12:37:37 · 28 answers · asked by Gurlie 2

I have been working 22 days none stop and i'm getting low... need good joke or something to cheer me up...any offers?

2006-08-20 12:34:31 · 19 answers · asked by ? 3

One day a young cowboy and cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world. She was an innocent bride with no experience.

After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sex.

The new bride asks, "What are them cows up to honey?"

The husband, a bit flustered, answers, "Why can't you see? Them cows, they're roping!"

She replies, "Oh, I see!"

After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sex.

Again the bride asks, "What are them horses doing honey?"

The husband answers again, "Them horses, they're roping!"

She replies, "Oh, I see!"

Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they start to explore each other's bodies. Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis.

"Oh my!" she cries, "What is that?"

"Well, darlin'" he chuckles proudly, "That's ma'rope!"

She slides her hands down further and gasps, "Oh my goodness! What are those?" she asks.

"Honey, those're my knots!" he answers.

Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says, "Stop honey, wait a minute!"

Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey, am I hurting you?"

"No," the bride replies, "undo them damn knots, I need more rope!"

2006-08-20 11:57:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

clue #1 "IF YOU JERK ON ME HARD. I STRECH LONG"

clue #2 "IF IM IN YOUR PANTIES I CAN LEAVE A MARK"

clue #3 "IF IM TOO TIGHT ITS HARD TO GET ME OFF"

WHAT AM I?

2006-08-20 11:50:42 · 25 answers · asked by Gurlie 2

2006-08-20 11:50:34 · 11 answers · asked by Nekesea J 1

An old lady walked into a Grocery Store.










She wanted to buy the best dog food in the world for her little puppy.











She went up to the cash register to buy the food.












The saleslady told her that the store did not allow old ladies to buy animal
food unless they show the actual animal because a lot of old ladies like to
eat the animal food themselves.













So, the old lady went home, got her dog and went back to the store to buy
her dog food.



















The next day she came back to buy the best cat food around.





















But the Sales lady told her the same thing, so the old lady went back home
and brought her cat to the Grocery store to buy cat food. the next day the old lady went to the grocery with some big...

2006-08-20 11:28:58 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have a Labrador retriever and was buying a large bag of Purina (dog biscuits) at Wal-Mart, waiting in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry, that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it one more time.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall, black guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned to end up in the hospital. I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.


I thought the black guy was going to have to have help as he staggered to the door in hysterics.

2006-08-20 11:28:32 · 11 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2006-08-20 11:20:58 · 10 answers · asked by Brackalicious 4

2006-08-20 11:14:56 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous

A MAN PUSHES A CAR TO A HOTEL AND LOSES ALL HIS MONEY

How Is This Possible?

2006-08-20 11:14:46 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

At a social gathering, a widow shared the story of how her husband died

One evening, the wife and husband went to an opera. The man was bored, and fell asleep. he dreamt that he was running from a murderer, and he tripped and fell. the murderer caught up to him and shot him in the head. At this presice second, his wife, annoyed at his lack of interest, woke him. he was so startled, that he fell out of his seat, off of their high balcony, and fell 40 feet to his death.

After hearing this, a wise man concluded that this story was a fake...... How Did He Know???

i will decide which correct answer to give 10 points to by the amount of detail in the answer.

Good Luck!!!!!!

(not a true story)

2006-08-20 11:12:10 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-20 11:09:15 · 24 answers · asked by lillynolilly 2

10 pts. to the most hilarious.

2006-08-20 10:34:19 · 15 answers · asked by Bree 2

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

ok, so it wasn't a headline, it was a joke....
i loved it and gave it a 10
rate it or make me laugh more than this one did and you get the best! YAY!!!

2006-08-20 10:30:01 · 12 answers · asked by Cap'n Donna 7

it has no ear, no leg, no nose but it is animal.

2006-08-20 10:26:49 · 17 answers · asked by omar z 1

Five ants were crossing a bridge. First ant told 4 ants are coming after him. The second ant told 3 ants were coming after him. Third ant told 2 ants were coming after him. the fourth ant told one ant was coming after him. The last ant told one ant was coming after him.
How this possible when only five ants was crossing the bridge?

2006-08-20 10:26:21 · 21 answers · asked by nooru 3

2006-08-20 10:01:17 · 7 answers · asked by joronojr 1

What does a Polish Hostage Taker say to police?

IF ANYONE COMES IN HERE, I'LL BLOW MY HEAD OFF !

2006-08-20 09:59:55 · 7 answers · asked by ? 1

i need to laugh really bad 10 points to whoever makes me laugh 1st

2006-08-20 09:40:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

i need some good "make you think for a long time" riddles

2006-08-20 09:13:40 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-20 09:10:42 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

LITTLE JOHNNY ASK: "Daddy, how was I born?"
DAD SAYS: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!...
"Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
"We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,
"since it was late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said:
"You've Got Male!"

I found this joke at this link
http://www.funny-joke-rating.com/

2006-08-20 09:08:37 · 18 answers · asked by none 5

What are subordinate clauses?

2006-08-20 09:04:35 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

is there anyone out there that can give me a good laugh? it can be anything... 10 points to whoever is the funniest.

2006-08-20 09:03:18 · 7 answers · asked by ♥ 5