Whats the most hillarious joke you've heard?

Question

10 pts. to the most hilarious.

Answer 1

A very unattractive, mean actin' woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids.

The Wal-Mart Greeter asks, "Are they twins?"

The ugly woman says, "No, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why? ... Do you think they really look alike?"

"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"

Answer 2

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
Finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few
Seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the
Doorbell,


The wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel
And runs Downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,The next door Neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800
Just to Drop that towel that you have on". After thinking for
A moment, The woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of
Bob. Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands
Over $800 and
Quietly leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the
Woman wraps


Back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets
Back to


The bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who
Was that?"


"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.


"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about
The $800
He owes me?"

Answer 3

Alright, this is bad but I nearly fell out of my seat when I heard it. Its best to slip into an otherwise serious conversation.

Guy says: Hey, I heard this joke the other day: How many Jews can...
His friend cuts him off, "Listen, bro, I've heard that joke before and I don't appreciate it." The guys gets defensive, "What's your problem man?"

"My f**king grandfather died young a horrible death in Auschwitz, a******e. The guy tries to get his feet after the faux pas, making verbal amends with his friend. His friend's tone changes:

"Well, don't feel so sad, that old Nazi tripped over his gun and fell out of the gd tower!"

I can't get enough of this terrible joke, especially in real conversations about the Holocaust.

Answer 4

A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to
kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park,
grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this
note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I
need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the
big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde".
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him
to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park
to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just
as she had instructed.
Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I
cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

Answer 5

Parrot with an concepts-set :D This has been printed earlier, yet in case you've not study it yet, its a touch solid one. An elderly lady went to her close by bakery to %. up a loaf of bread even as she said the owner had offered the most attractive brightly colored parrot she had ever seen. To her horror, even if, even as she requested the parrot if it would want to talk, it retorted, "for sure i am going to, you stupid old hag!" completely bowled over, she only offered her bread and stormed off. the subsequent time she got here back the parrot shrieked, "stupid old hag! stupid old hag! ha! ha!" completely outraged, she complained to the owner and threatened to take her agency elsewhere if this continued. So, the owner commanded the parrot to offer up and certain her it would not take position back. the subsequent time she got here interior the shop, she glared on the parrot who remained speachless. "So, you've something to assert to me this time, you nasty ole' chicken?" "certain", the parrot retored. "What?" the female demanded. "you recognize" the parrot spoke back with a wink and a grin.

Answer 6

Alex Ferguson, knowing that he'll soon have to replace Ronaldo, sent scouts out around the world looking for a new player to replace him.

One of the scouts informs him of a young Iraqi who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. Alex flies to Baghdad to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Old Trafford.

Two weeks later Man United are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi midfielder the nod and on the field he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Man United. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the lad comes off the pitch, he phones his mother to tell her about his first day in English football. "Hello Mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won."

"Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me".

"Wonderful," says his mum. "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed, beaten and raped, and your brother has joined a gang of looters! That is what's happened to us while you were having a great time!"

With this news, the young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, I'm so sorry".

"Sorry!" "Sorry indeed!"exclaims his mum. "It's your fault we all moved to Manchester in the first place!"

Answer 7

Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you, I have Black folks up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, barbecue sauce is all over their robes, ham hock, sparerib, and pig feet bones are all over the streets of Gold. Some folk are walking around with one wing. They have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to Heaven clean. There are watermelon seeds all over the clouds. Some of them aren't even wearing their halos, saying it is messin up they hair......."

The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil."

"The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Dang, hold on."

The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for you?"

The Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there."

The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and put the Lord on hold.

After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said, "Okay, I'm back. What was the question?"

The Lord said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"

The Devil said, "Man, I don't belie...... hold on, Lord."

This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes.

The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk right now. These Negroes dun put the fire out, and are trying to install air conditioning!"



I thought this one was pretty funny.

Answer 8

Three priests have died and now they are outside the Pearly Gates. St. Peter comes to them and says "I will ask you a question and the correct answer will let you enter the gates." St. Peter walks over to the first priest and asks "Who was the first man?" "Adam," says the priest and bells ring, angels sing, and the gate opens and he walks through. St. Peter walks to the second priest and asks "Who was the first woman?" "Eve," says the priest and bells ring, angels sing and the gate opens and he walks through. St. Peter walks to the third priest and asks "What did Eve say to Adam when they saw each other for the first time?" The third priest is nervous because he doesn't know the answer and he blurts out, "Man, that's a hard one!" and bells ring, angels sing, and the gate opens.

Answer 9

i've got 2..

1) Yo mama so ugly.... she look like u

2) An old lady is riding on an elevator....

The first woman walks on to the elevator and smells really good. She says "Chanel.... $100 an ounce".

The second woman walks on to the elevator and smells even better. She says "Burberry.... $150 an ounce"1.

The old lady gets to her floor and just before the door opens she farts n says"Broccoli... .49 cents a pound"

Answer 10

Once in a far off land lived two people, No-Come and his wife How-Come.

One day No-Come had to leave on a trip.

That night his friend No-Come_Too came to visit How-Come.
Later that night No-Come-Too came. Sometime later How-Come had a baby.

No-Come didn't know how the baby came so he named it How-Come-You-Come

To this day No-Come doesn't know how How-Come-You-Come came, but No-Come-Too and How-Come know How-Come-You-Come came because No-Come didn't come, but No-Come-Too came.