Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Say the word COW before each word.

1 - Cows
2 - About
3 - Talking
4 - Idiot
5 - This
6 - Got
7 - I
8 - Long
9 - How
10 - Look


Now say the word COW After each word

1 - Cows
2 - About
3 - Talking
4 - Idiot
5 - This
6 - Got
7 - I
8 - Long
9 - How
10 - Look


Now say the word COW before AND after each word.

1 - Cows
2 - About
3 - Talking
4 - Idiot
5 - This
6 - Got
7 - I
8 - Long
9 - How
10 - Look


Now read just the words upwards from the bottom.

1 - Cows
2 - About
3 - Talking
4- Idiot
5 - This
6 - Got
7 - I
8 - Long
9 - How
10 - Look

gotcha...
thats the somethin to love joke of the night
lovin it or hatin it?

2006-08-19 23:43:52 · 9 answers · asked by ♥ HeartStolen ♥ 2

An English professor wrote the words:
"A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly..
All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Yes punctuation is that powerful. ♥

2006-08-19 23:40:02 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-08-19 23:39:30 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do we do on 15th February?

2006-08-19 23:35:13 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-19 23:34:02 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

i will see what your answers are and then give you the actual answer!!!

2006-08-19 23:11:21 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-19 23:04:02 · 14 answers · asked by eigam_peenk_13 2

An old Indian stood on a street corner every day. As a good looking woman walked by, he would raise his hand in greeting, and say "Chance"!
This happened several days in a row. The woman would walk by; he would raise his hand and say "Chance"!
Finally, she could ignore it no longer, so she stopped and asked him, "You're an Indian, aren't you"?, and he nodded slowly.
"Well, I always thought Indians said 'How' as a greeting"!
He replied, "Already know how; just want chance"!

2006-08-19 23:00:27 · 11 answers · asked by jfmm 7

A woman and a man are involved in a severe car accident; both of their cars are totally damaged but amazingly neither of them hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you!" Woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is totally damaged but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, imdtly puts the cap back on,and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
She replied, "No. I think we wait for the police

2006-08-19 22:49:24 · 20 answers · asked by Pd 6

Hi, I have put some jokes and other stuff on my personal website. Check it out and give me some Feedback from the Feedback link on my website.

http://www.geocities.com/johncena_yo23/


If you have not noticed, the link is a Geocities website. It is not and cannot be a virus.


For the time being here is a joke.

St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, 'I don't really see that you ever really did anything great in your life, but I don't see anything really bad either.'

'Tell you what,' St. Peter says. 'If you can tell me of one REALLY good deed you did in your life, I'll let you in.'

The guy thinks for a moment and says, 'OK, well there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of them torturing this woman. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the gang members formed a circle around me.

'So, I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron,' the guy says. 'Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you all a lesson in pain!'

St. Peter, duly impressed, says 'Wow! When did this happen?'

'Just a couple of minutes ago.'

2006-08-19 22:45:30 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

there are 3 switces in front of you. u are standing on the 1st floor.there is a bulb on the third floor in an closed room
out of the 3 switches in front of u 2 dont work and 1 is the switch for the bulb on the 3rd floor .heres it how will u find out that which switch is of that bulb .you can only once go to the room.
1st right answer gets 10 points

2006-08-19 22:36:40 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-19 22:24:50 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-19 22:23:07 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

While strolling past a pet shop, a cat notices a sign in the window: Help Wanted.

Knowing himself to be no ordinary feline, he saunters into the shop and calls out "Hello! I'd like to apply for the job."

The owner of the pet shop is very amused at the idea of a talking cat, and she wants to hear more, so she plays along, saying "Oh, I'm sorry, but this is a clerical job. We need someone who can type and file."

The cat hastens over to the office typewriter and, quick as a wink, he pounds out something about a quick brown fox and a lazy dog until he has filled a page. He grabs a stack of papers, alphabetizes them by subject matter, and puts them away in the file cabinet in less time than one would expect of a critter who lacks opposable thumbs.

The owner is charmed, but figures she can't possibly hire a cat, so she thinks of another excuse. "You type very nicely, and your filing is flawless, but this job demands computer literacy."

The cat immediately takes his place in front of the computer and, mouse in paw, cruises the Web, gathering useful information about increasing the profitability of pet shops (stopping briefly at Jumbo Joke to see the latest entry).

The owner is stunned. She has got to think of a tactful way to tell this cat that she isn't going to give him a job.

"Well, you're an amazing cat indeed. You type, you file, and you're a computer whiz. But we really, really must have someone who is bilingual."

The cat stares imploringly into the owner's eyes and says "Woof!"

2006-08-19 22:20:26 · 31 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

A young doctor had moved into town and was setting up a new practice. He had a sign hung in front of his office, proclaiming his specialties: "Homosexuals & Hemorrhoids." The town authorities were upset with the sign and asked him to change it. So he put up a new sign, "Queers & Rears." The authorities were really fuming about that one, so they demanded that the Doctor come up with a decent sign that would not offend the townspeople. So the Doctor came up with an acceptable sign, "Odds & Ends."

2006-08-19 22:17:10 · 18 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-08-19 22:08:49 · 8 answers · asked by Issues of Mass Distruction ! 1

2006-08-19 22:00:08 · 13 answers · asked by kokubenji 3

there are 2 men, dead, inside a cabin. the cabin has been locked from the inside. how did they get there, how did they die?

2006-08-19 21:52:18 · 13 answers · asked by lisa s 2

A severe stroke.

2006-08-19 21:28:06 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-19 21:22:37 · 19 answers · asked by Dhananjay G 1

To get to the man with the ear stuck to the side of his head.

2006-08-19 21:20:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A slow acting poison, or a conversation with a woman?

At least the poison holds out the promise of death.

2006-08-19 21:17:09 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Another year has passed
and we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
and winter seems much colder.

I rack my brain for happy thoughts,
to put down on my pad,
But lots of things that come to mind
make me kind of sad.

There was a time not long ago
when life was quite a blast.
Now I fully understand
about "Living in the Past"

We used to go to weddings,
football games and lunches.
Now we go to funeral homes,
and after-funeral brunches.

We used to have hangovers,
from parties that were gay.
Now we suffer body aches
and while the night away.

We used to go out dining,
and couldn't get our fill.
Now we ask for doggie bags,
come home and take a pill.

We used to often travel
to places near and far.
Now we get sore asses
from riding in the car.

We used to go out shopping
for new clothing at the Mall
But, now we never bother...
all the sizes are too small.

We used to go to nightclubs
and drink a little booze.
Now we stay at home at night
and watch the evening news.

That, my friend is how life is,
and now my tale is told.
So, enjoy each day and live it up...
before you're too damned old!

2006-08-19 21:08:37 · 10 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

If all the letters were invited to a tea party...
What letters would be late....?

2006-08-19 21:06:45 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the
> passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc.
>
> Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain,
> Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."
>
> Joe sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right?
Is
> the captain a woman?"
>
> When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I
understand
> you right? Is the captain a woman?"
>
> "Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
>
> "My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I Don't know
what
> to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."
>
> "That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer Call it the
> cock pit. Now it's the box office."
>

2006-08-19 21:06:24 · 8 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

> WHY IS IT THAT WE HAVE TO SPEAK ENGLISH?"
>
> A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval
> conference that included admirals from the U.S.,
> English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a
> cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a
> group of a half dozen or so officers that included
> personnel from most of the countries.
>
> Everyone was chatting away in English as they
> sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly
> complained that, whereas Europeans learn many
> languages, Americans learn only English. He then
> asked: "Why is it that we always have to speak English
> in these conferences rather than speaking French?"
> Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied:
> "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and
> Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak
> German."
>
> Suddenly the Whole group became very quiet...

2006-08-19 21:04:40 · 19 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

while other women are waiting for their 'boyfriends' to come over and, change a lightbulb, or fix the T V,
OR HOOK UP THE vcr,
I' m STUCk in this.............................
No ticket, 'cos you're a blond............
NO fine, cos', ..........you're a blond......
Different GUY every NIGHT cos'.............
wait.......................NO, I'm TIRED of it!!! Why can't you?............
Leave my.........alone!!!?????

2006-08-19 20:38:32 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

I can kick anyone's *** in a joke battle.Anyone want to take a challenge.E-mail me at Trevezmarseanteague@yahooo.com and I'll kick yo' *** in a battle

2006-08-19 20:23:41 · 10 answers · asked by Trevez T 1

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go
>before the angel Gabriel to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.
>
>Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must
>decide which of them gets in.
>
>The angel asks Dolly if there's a particular reason why she should go to
>heaven, whereupon she takes off her blouse and bra and says, "Look at
>these,they're the most perfect pair of **** God ever created, and I'm
>sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
>
>The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.
>
>The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and
>gargles. Then, she spits into the toilet, and pulls the lever.
>The angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."
>
>Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of
>God's own perfect creations, and you turn me down. She simply gargles
>and she gets in. Would you explain that to me?"
>
>"Sorry, Dolly," says the angel, "but even in heaven, a royal flush beats
>a pair, no matter how big they are."

2006-08-19 20:16:37 · 12 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "It's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

2006-08-19 20:16:34 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous