What's the funniest joke you have ever heard from someone or told someone?

Answer 1

A Blonde and a Burnett were walking down the street, the Burnett says, "look a dead bird" the Blonde looks up and say "where"?!!

Answer 2

A blonde and a brunette both jump off a building at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The brunette. The blonde had to stop and ask directions.


Kinda morbid....

What's worse than ten dead babies in a dumpster?

One dead baby in ten dumpsters.

Answer 3

HOW about this:
Cyril was the black sheep of his family and decided to live in a nudist colony. One day, he received a letter from his grandma. Her letter told him that she still wanted to remain in contact with him and asked him to send his current photo of in his new. The only recent photo he had of himself was one of him in the nude. To hide from her that he now living in a nudist colony, he cut the photo in half but accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo. When he realized he’d sent the wrong half, he got quite worried, but remembering grandma's bad eyesight and assumed she wouldn’t notice. Some weeks later, Cyril received a reply from his grandma. It said:

Thank you Cyril for the photo. But pls. change your hairstyle - it makes your nose look short.
Love Grandma

Answer 4

a blonde wlked up 2 d front desk of d library nd sed "i borowd a buk last wik, but it was d most boring buk ive evr read. der was no story whatsoever and der wer far 2 many characters!" d librarian replied "oh, u must b d person who took our fonebuk".

Answer 5

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 'She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, 'Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!' She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg.

He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin.

When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the end of his loneliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, 'Surprise!'

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

Answer 6

What side of the chicken has the most feathers?


The outside!

Answer 7

why did the monkey fall off the tree?
it was dead. lol

Answer 8

what do you call a black under a car?
an oil spill