Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

what are some simple but brutle things I can do so get revenge on someone without them knowing...like putting eyedrpos in there drink or something?

2006-08-19 14:12:51 · 26 answers · asked by Monica 3

It needs to be appropiate for school, no sex,dugs,gang members. etc. And if it's short that's good.

2006-08-19 14:04:18 · 8 answers · asked by Mo 2

2006-08-19 14:02:20 · 12 answers · asked by The Exotic Seamstress 2

> Quickie #1
>
> One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
>very sexy nightie.
> "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
> So he tied her up and went fishing.
>
>
> Quickie #2
>
>
> A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran
>into the house.
> She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
>pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
> The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>mountain stuff?"
> "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
>
>
> Quickie #3
>
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
>the other is a husband.
>
>
> Quickie #4
>
> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
> First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
> The optician showed him a card with the letters:
> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
> "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>
> Quickie #5
>
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
>must tell you all
> something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
> "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
>chardonnay."
>
> Quickie #6
>
> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
>You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
>need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
>going to STICK!
> Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
>you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
>your mind?
> Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
>Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
> The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
>think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
>when I'm driving."
>
> Quickie #7
>
> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North
> Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
> On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
> That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
> On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
> That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
> On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
> The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years

2006-08-19 14:01:08 · 11 answers · asked by basscatcher 4

2006-08-19 13:55:33 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Knock! Knock!


who's there?


Sarah


Sarah who?


Sarah doorbell around here, im tired of knocking.....


and if this joke was stupid..dont tell me ...

2006-08-19 13:36:07 · 23 answers · asked by MzChamillinator 5

The one who made it didn't needed it.
The one who bought it didn't needed it.
The one who's using it needed it.
What am I?

2006-08-19 13:31:32 · 15 answers · asked by Berties 3

1. As destructive as life, As healing as death; An institutioner of strife, Just as prone to bless. It is all that is good, Yet with an evil trend; As it was the beginning of things, It can also be the end.

2. A cloud was my mother, the wind is my father, my son is the cool stream, and my daughter is the fruit of the land. A rainbow is my bed, the earth my final resting place, and I'm the torment of man.

3. What are the 2 longest words in the English language that can be typed using only your left hand on the keyboard?

2006-08-19 13:25:58 · 24 answers · asked by ♥ NIKKI .♥ 3

and this is not a dumb question cuz nobody could answer it well it u r intelligent just answer right

2006-08-19 13:11:00 · 16 answers · asked by sherna 1

2006-08-19 13:09:06 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-19 12:49:08 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's green, hangs on a wall and whistles?

2006-08-19 12:43:26 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

clue #1 "WHEN I COME, I'M VERY NOISY"

clue #2 "YOU WANT ME TO COME QUICKLY"

clue #3 "IF I'M NOT CAREFUL WHEN I COME , I WILL MAKE AN ACCIDENT"

WHAT AM I?

2006-08-19 12:39:26 · 19 answers · asked by Gurlie 2

because chess has rules....

2006-08-19 12:39:11 · 11 answers · asked by responses_to_that_letter_i_wrote 1

1. If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you don't have it. What is it?

2. The more you have of it, the less you see. What is it?

3. What book was once owned by only the wealthy, but now everyone can have it?
You can't buy it in a bookstore or take it from a library.

4.What gets whiter the dirtier that it gets?

5. What happened in the middle of the twentieth century that will not happen again for 4,000 years?

6. What has no beginning, end, or middle?

7. What has to be broken before it can be used?

8.What does no man want, yet no man wants to lose?

9. How many bricks does it take to complete a building made of brick?

10.What is everything to someone, and nothing to everyone else?

11. Big as a biscuit, deep as a cup, even a river can't fill it up. What is it?

12.What goes up and never comes down?

13. What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?

14.What's long and thin, covered in skin; red in parts, and put in tarts?

2006-08-19 12:34:34 · 10 answers · asked by Erin A 2

Discuss

2006-08-19 12:27:04 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tell me a joke and make it very funny and you might just get 10 points. if you make me laugh hard then you will get the points.

2006-08-19 12:25:39 · 13 answers · asked by Aaron the Great. 2

What is greater than God,
More evil than Devil,
Rich people doesn't have,
Poor have it,
If you eat or drink it you will die.

2006-08-19 12:25:30 · 26 answers · asked by nooru 3

2006-08-19 12:24:47 · 11 answers · asked by mickbell77 2

She went to a plastic surgeon and had a vagina implanted in her hip; so she could make some money on the side... boom boom !

2006-08-19 12:21:33 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Discuss

2006-08-19 12:16:16 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who do firemen put dalmations on the truck?

2006-08-19 12:16:10 · 28 answers · asked by Erin A 2

2006-08-19 12:11:01 · 18 answers · asked by nooru 3

The man was afraid to go home because of the man in the mask.

See if you can guess what's going on.

2006-08-19 11:52:29 · 9 answers · asked by softball002 3

...........if I grabbed your laptop and a can of Cola from your house?

2006-08-19 11:38:58 · 52 answers · asked by Anonymous

I met a man who had been married for 66 years. “Amazing. 66 years!” I said. “What’s the secret to such a long, happy marriage?”

“Well,” he replied, “It’s like this. The man makes all the big decisions… and the woman just makes the little decisions.”

“Really?” I responded. “Does that really work?”

“Oh, yes,” he said proudly. “66 years, and so far,not one big decision!”

2006-08-19 11:37:31 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

What if they find something that isnt illegal? Do they hafta put it back?

2006-08-19 11:27:39 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

Got any more?

2006-08-19 11:21:22 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

there was a sudden crash and she laid dead in a puddle of water.

2006-08-19 11:18:03 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm asking this again, since the last time no one got the answer totaly correct, only about two people got 33% of the riddle...

Two men and a blind guy walk into a pitch black room full of black hats. All of the hats are black exept for two which are red. Each man takes a hat and leaves the place into daylight. The two men who arn't blind look at the other two people.
One guy says, "I can't see my hat but I can see what color your hats are!"
Another guy says, "I can't see my hat but I can see what color your hats are!"
The blind guy says, "I can't see your hats at all, but I know what color of hat I'm wearing!"

How does the blind guy know what color of hat he's wearing? What color of hat is he wearing?

2006-08-19 10:58:14 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous