Tell me a joke!!!?

Question

Tell me a joke and make it very funny and you might just get 10 points. if you make me laugh hard then you will get the points.

Answer 1

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.

"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go.

At the White House, Clinton spots Bubb on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Bubba.

"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome.

Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

Answer 2

There were 2 neighboring farmers. One was going to take 3 of his sows to the other to try to get pregnant by the other's boar. So he loads the 3 sows in his truck. When he gets there, he puts the sows in the boar's pen and nature takes it's course. Farmer 1 asks 2 how he will know if it took. 2 says the sows will be laying in the sun if it did, and laying in the mud if not. The next morning, the farmer goes to check on the sows. they are all in the mud, so he loads them up to try again. This goes on for about 4 days. On the 5th day, farmer 1 goes to check his sows and can't find them He shouts to his wife if she knows knows where they are. She replies " Two are in the back of the truck, and the other it up front honking the horn."

Answer 3

A blind man walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a little while, he asks the bartender, "Do you want to hear a blonde joke?". The bartender says, "well, sir, the man beside you is a pro wrestler and he's blonde. The man behind you is also blonde and he's a pro boxer. I, myself, am blonde. None of us appreciate dumb blonde jokes. Do you still want to tell the joke?" The blind man very seriously replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."
lol! I love that joke! No offense to any big, hunky blonde dudes out there...
~Mel~

Answer 4

After leaving a store, a blonde walked out and went up to a soda machine. The blonde put in 50 cents and out popped a coke. She searched her bag for more money. She found some and kept feeding the machine money. Cokes and Sprite and Mountain Dew bottles began rolling down the street. A young man walked up behind her and watched this for a few minutes. Then he asked, "Can I get one now?". She turned around and yelled, "No way, can't you see I'm winning?"

Answer 5

There's a major trial in a small town, and the prosecuting attorney comes up to the first witness, a very feisty lady of 85 years.

"Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

"Yes," she replies with a frown, "and I don't think very much of you. You're a liar, a cheat and a pin-brained little puppy who thinks too much of yourself."

The whole courtroom starts to laugh, but the judge bangs her gavel, calling them to order.

Trying to get enough time to think himself out of the mess he's in, he points to the defense attorney and asks, "And what about him?"

"Oh, yes," she replies acidly, "that useless thing! He's the most foul-mouthed, drunken, whore-chasing beast in the county!"

The courtroom starts laughing again, but the judge reigns them in firmly. "I am going to warn all of you - once - that I will NOT have this court out of control. Anyone laughing again will be cited for Contempt. And there will be NO second warning." Then she says, "Both counsels approach the bench - right now."

As they do so, she puts her hand over the microphone, and says for their hearing only:

"Please understand: if EITHER of you asks her anything about me, I will put you UNDER the jail for the rest of your misbegotten life!"

Answer 6

Joke Number
1)there was once a soccer referee who had a fight with his wife he gave her a red card
2)there was once a man who went to an orphans place the first thing he wanted to do is meeting the parents
3)there was a cow that had drought(dry sumthen like that)it produced powder milk
4)there was a donkey telling a female donkey "will u marry me donkey"she said"only if u were polite"

LOL
LOL
LOL

Answer 7

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

Answer 8

ok so a lady came to vist her son and his girl roommate. She saw how they acted and wondered if they were sleeping together. She asked her son, but he said no. Two weeks later, Amber, the roommate, goes to Brad, the son, "Ever since your mom was here I've been missing a gravey ladle...." and he agreed to write a letter asking her about it. He wrote...
"Dear Mom,
I'm not saying you DID take the ladle, and I'm not saying you DID'NT, but the fact remains that since you were here one has been missing..."
the mom replied....
"Brad, I'm not saying you ARE sleeping with Amber, and I'm not saying you ARE'NT, but the fact remains if she had been sleeping in her own bed she would have found the ladle by now...."



LMAO i love it.... heres one more.....



A lady named her cat Love because it was so affectionate. One night Love ran out the door. She chased after him throught the road. A police man walked up to her, as she was dressed in only a bathrobe,a nd asked what was going on. She said "I'm out here loking for Love!!!". The officer arrested her on the spot.

Answer 9

Political campaigns are a lot like horns. A point here , A point there and a lot of Bull in betweeen.

Answer 10

At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones he noticed the rescue team.

"Thank God!" he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"

The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside the one survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The survivor saw the horror on their faces and hung his head in shame.

"You can't judge me for this!" he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong that I want to live?"

The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down yesterday!"