is there anyone out there that can give me a good laugh? it can be anything... 10 points to whoever is the funniest.
2006-08-20 09:03:18 · 7 answers · asked by ♥ 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
>>>>>A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger. "Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He held her hand softly, led her to a chair and said, "Secondly, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, and then. ... "He sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
>>>>>>There's a smart blonde, and Santa Claus ... they both jump off a bridge, which one made the biggest splash?
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neither .. because they both don't exist!
>>>>>>A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead go to a garage sale.
The redhead buys a hairbrush.the salesman asked, "Why'd you buy that?" the redhead says, "To comb my pretty hair!" He brunette buys a mirror. The salesman asked, "Why'd you buy that?" The brunette replies, "To see how pretty I look!" The blonde buys a broken of car door. The salesman asked, "Why'd you buy that?" The blonde replies,"So I could roll down the window when I'm hot."
thats a;l i know rite now!!!I hope you enjoy it!!
2006-08-20 09:27:07 · answer #1 · answered by ShOrTiEgUrL824 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, idk if you read this from other posts, but hope you like it, its funny...
A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. “I know we’ve been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.”
The wife says nothing, Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45 mph. The husband speaks again. “I don’t want you to try and talk me out of it,” He says, “because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, And she’s a far better lover than you are.”
Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55. He pushes his luck. “I want the house,” he says insistently..Up to 60. “I want the car, too,” he continues. 65 mph. “And,” he says, “I’ll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!”
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, “Isn’t there anything you want?”
The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. “No, I’ve got everything I need,” she says.
“Oh, really,” he inquires, “so what have you got?”
Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, The wife turns to him and smiles. “The airbag.”
2006-08-20 09:11:34 · answer #2 · answered by dolphinlover698 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Eighty-year-old
Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the recreation room of the men's retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and saucily announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand, can make wild passionate love to me tonight!"
A witty, elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and replies, "Close enough!"
Robber and Old Lady
A robber broke in on a young woman and her elderly mother. "I'm going to tie you up while I fill my bag with swag," he said, "and then before I leave I'm going to have my way with both of you."
"Oh, please, sir," cried the young woman, "take anything you want, and do what you will with me, but PLEASE spare my dear old mother."
"Now, dear," said the mother, "don't try to teach the man his trade."
Nature of God
A man trying to understand the nature of God asked him: "God, how long is a million years to you?"
God answered: "A million years is like a minute."
Then the man asked: "God, how much is a million dollars to you?"
And God replied: "A million dollars is like a penny."
Finally, the man asked: "God, could you give me a penny?"
And God said, "In a minute."
Before and After
After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her night stand by the bed. He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, Silly!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before my surgery."
A Depressed Young Woman
A depressed young woman from a Manhattan finishing school was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.
When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
"Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded. What did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I had an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to Europe, and every night he came and screwed me."
"He sure did, lady," said the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
2006-08-20 09:12:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok well i thot this was funny...but the guy that said it was bein nasty.
My freind told me when she was at her other school, one day when she was n class, this boy was flirtin wit her and said ," Wanna sit on my lap and c wat pops up?"
Well i dont kno if u thot it was funny or not, but i thot it was. If u havin a bad day, u should listen 2 music u like 2 dance 2, and not sad, slow music lol.
xXBeHappyXx :)
2006-08-20 09:37:25 · answer #4 · answered by jaz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your having a bad day tell all men to go to hell!!!let it off your chest.if your b/f is with another women find another man.if not just kick back and hit a blunt,down a 40oz.hell just run like hell
2006-08-20 09:13:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
a young kid never seen hips , was roughly beaten up on his hips by the warden, , he went home n looked at his hips in the mirror n yelled , , the ***** has broken this part in two, , , , , , , ,
2006-08-20 09:15:01 · answer #6 · answered by fuad_enjoy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just go to www.bored.com there are a lot of funny and cool stuff over there!
2006-08-20 09:13:56 · answer #7 · answered by powerpuffgirl_2332 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋