Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

2006-08-17 14:25:42 · 12 answers · asked by hawt2trawt 3

there was once a girl who was always jealous of her sister. 1 day a genie appeared. he said that he was "half "magic". that meant he would grant her wishes, but her sister would always get 2 tomes more then she did.she had 3 wishes. 1st she wished that she was the richest person in the world, but her sister was twice of that. her second wish was that she was that she was the prettiest woman in the world. her sister gets twice of that. what was her third wish????

1st right answer gets 10 pts.

2006-08-17 14:20:59 · 33 answers · asked by Smile =]™ 4

please do not send links for websites
please try to make them short and age appropriate

2006-08-17 14:18:46 · 17 answers · asked by creative rae 4

i really need a good laugh...contact me at starsblackblack@yahoo.com

2006-08-17 14:18:11 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

if so how would the winner be determined

2006-08-17 14:15:28 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

and addition only, can you make 1000?

2006-08-17 14:13:54 · 2 answers · asked by Truly_Complexed 4

im bord as a door knob so someone tell me a joke

2006-08-17 14:13:41 · 8 answers · asked by babygurl 1

2006-08-17 14:04:38 · 7 answers · asked by MARK M 1

Ok guys put your thinking caps on - all the guys at work are tryn to play a trick on a co-worker thats a friend of mine - well hell we are all friends but i feel sorry for this guy - they tried putting Viseen in his water today becuase he has hemroids and they wanted him to be in the bathroom all day - well i told them that it dosnt work anymore b/c the chemical in it has been taken out that makes people sick because everyeone was doing it to everybody - so now they want to think of somthing else to get him with - well i want to tell him what they are planning and then turn it back on the guys - like make ex-lax brownies and regular brownies and tell them the opposite of each so the guys eat the bad ones and this one guy eats the ok ones - so they will think the jokes on him - but i want some good ideas - let me hear them !!

2006-08-17 14:04:16 · 3 answers · asked by lilrebelchick 2

little fly upon the wall
have u got no brains at all
if i squash u under my thumb
will your brains shoot out your bum xx

2006-08-17 13:58:21 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

i want all the jokes you got, best ones win, plain and simple

2006-08-17 13:45:37 · 10 answers · asked by elhombre1892 1

Hey anyone who has gơod jokes! Does anyone have any jokes like, I went to heaven and saw st. peter at the gate and.....! 10 pơints to the best!

2006-08-17 13:40:33 · 10 answers · asked by ? 5

mary had a little lamb,she stood it near a pylon,a thousand volts went up its **** ,and turned its wool to nylon....

2006-08-17 13:31:37 · 18 answers · asked by madmarie666@btinternet.com 2

When does 6 plus 5 = nine

2006-08-17 13:27:30 · 19 answers · asked by Chris C 2

...and getting there is half the fun, does that mean that to have fun, getting there at night, would require 500 eyes?

2006-08-17 13:26:10 · 12 answers · asked by littlestarr02 4

2006-08-17 13:25:53 · 54 answers · asked by caramelflava313 2

2006-08-17 13:22:58 · 26 answers · asked by STEVE0 THE CLOWN 3

This is a story about a girl.

While at the funeral of her mother, she met a man whom she did not know. She thought he as amazing, her dream guy, and she fell in love with him but never asked for his number and could not find him after the funeral.

A few days later the girl killed her sister.

Question: What was her motive in killing her sister?

2006-08-17 13:20:20 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-17 13:17:17 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

> Quickie #1
>
> One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
>very sexy nightie.
> "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
> So he tied her up and went fishing.
>
>
> Quickie #2
>
>
> A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran
>into the house.
> She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
>pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
> The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>mountain stuff?"
> "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
>
>
> Quickie #3
>
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
>the other is a husband.
>
>
> Quickie #4
>
> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
> First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
> The optician showed him a card with the letters:
> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
> "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>
> Quickie #5
>
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
>must tell you all
> something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
> "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
>chardonnay."
>
> Quickie #6
>
> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
>You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
>need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
>going to STICK!
> Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
>you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
>your mind?
> Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
>Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
> The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
>think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
>when I'm driving."
>
> Quickie #7
>
> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North
> Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
> On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
> That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
> On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
> That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
> On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
> The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years

2006-08-17 13:08:50 · 15 answers · asked by basscatcher 4

How many Mormons does it take to change a lightbulb?

Okay, this is coming from a fellow LDS. I got this joke in an email, and I thought it was hilarious...and the idea behind it is so true. Funny, funny! Can ya tell me? The first correct answer, or the one closest to it gets the points!

2006-08-17 13:06:34 · 4 answers · asked by EarthAngel 4

Please, no blonde, yo mamma, or any other jokes that may insult or offend others. If you get them from a website, please label the website as one of your sources, if you don't that is called "plagiarizing".

Thanks!

2006-08-17 12:57:44 · 54 answers · asked by Anonymous

Blonde LOGIC

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"



SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"



RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts,

"How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."



AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left cheek and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."



KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"



BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"



IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"



THE BLONDE JOKE TO END

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

2006-08-17 12:50:26 · 11 answers · asked by ? 1

and shake
what falls out?

who's got a ton of cig-ash
and who's got food remnants?
mines full of toast crumbs

2006-08-17 12:43:26 · 25 answers · asked by littlestarr02 4

The answer is thelast thing you may think of.

2006-08-17 12:43:23 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-17 12:41:55 · 14 answers · asked by baddog 4

post it , its like a contest, whoever wins get 10 points

2006-08-17 12:27:32 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

(be my guest, even it it's not funny)

2006-08-17 12:16:55 · 17 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

Aging With A Smile


Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old .. as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

I think I've reached my expiration date.

People our age can still enjoy an active, passionate sex life provided w e get cable or that dish thing.

The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

If these wise sayings caused you to laugh, send them on to some others who need a chuckle - that is if you can remember who they are.


THE SENILITY PRAYER Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do , and the eyesight to tell the difference.

2006-08-17 12:16:08 · 14 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2006-08-17 12:16:08 · 9 answers · asked by jameshens 3