Jokes Please!!!!?

Question

Hey anyone who has gơod jokes! Does anyone have any jokes like, I went to heaven and saw st. peter at the gate and.....! 10 pơints to the best!

Answer 1

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jokes/
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.html
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes/yo-mama-jokes/funny-yo-mama-jokes.htm
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes/?id_category=98
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 2

There's these four friends and each have different education levels. The first one says I'm gonna rob this lady over here and he did and he walked off a bridge. The next one just stood there and said more cushion for the pushin'. Then the other one got hired to be a doctor and then the other one stole the lady's bag and ran to Mexico and became a millionaire.


It sucks but oh well.

Answer 3

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

The man said, "I do Father."

The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.

"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." Once again St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and banished her to Hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me." She said," Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with his disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him and hung him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder...

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good." But the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted.

THE CLOCKS
A man dies and goes to heaven. He is greeted by St. Peter, who offers to give him a tour of heaven. As the man walks around, he notices many clocks. Some go very fast, while others move very slowly. When the tour is done, the man asks St. Peter why some clocks move at varied speeds. St. Peter replies, "Each clock represents a person. Every time you lie, your clock speeds up. As you can see, people's clocks are separated by career. Over here are teachers, and over there are doctors, for example." The man nods. "Where the politicians' clocks?" he asks. St. Peter replies, "We're using them in the back as air conditioners."

Answer 4

when james died he went to heaven and st peter gave him a tour. on the tour james saw that heaven was full of daises tons of them. at least 5 every sq foot there were a lot. at the end of the tour james ask st peter what the daises were for.st peter replied here in heaven we have one rule dont step on a daise if you stepp on a daise then youll be forever connected to the ugliest grossest most disgusting member of the opposite sex. so james went around haeven for years without stepping on a daise but then one day st peter called on him and he was then connected to a beautiful woman he was very confused he sed i didnt do anything wrong what did you do she sed i stepped on a daise

Answer 5

What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money



A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."

The cashier leaned over the counter and said:

"Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg"

Answer 6

My Private Part died today

An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a
nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy
asked if there was anything wrong. Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr.
Goldstein, "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad." Knowing her
patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh,
I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences. The following
day, Mr Goldstein was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging
out his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy. Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You
shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.. Please put your Private Part
back inside your pajamas." But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, " I
told you yesterday that my Private Part died." Yes, you did tell me that,
but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?"


You gotta love this!!!!!!!!!!!







Well, he replied, "Today's the viewing."

Answer 7

haha nicely sturdy i've got been given a intercourse shaggy dog tale for you desire you like it :) on listening to that her grandad had in basic terms died kate went and visited her nan to convenience her while she asked how he died her nan replyed via sayin that he had had a heart attack at the same time as makin love 2 her kate stated that it replaced into stupid that 2 old human beings the place havin intercourse because it replaced into askin for difficulty her nan replyed via sayin that they used to do it to the slow p.c.. of the church bells because it replaced into in basic terms the final velocity she then wiped a tear from her eye and carryed on via sayin''if that dahmed ice cream van hadnt come alongside he might nevertheless be alive right this moment'' :) xxx

Answer 8

a man was running after a woman with big nice boobs and ask if he could just bite it for 100 dollars:

Woman: What?! you pervert. no sh*t.
Man: 500 dollars?!
Woman: No way!
Man: 5,000 dollars?!
Woman: Wha...wait, alright lets find a private place.

And the woman let the man take off her bra and caressed,
kissed, and massaged her boobs.

Woman: Now, why are you not biting it!?
Man: Well, I DONT have 5,000 dollars!!

Answer 9

Butt Bomber

UPI International
April 25, 2002
Kansas City

An American Airlines flight enroute from Los Angeles to JFK airport in New York City was diverted to Kansas City yesterday when a passenger was noticed attempting to light a fuse protruding from his rectum. Flight Attendant Bunny Haggarty said she noticed the man seated in an aisle seat leaning forward and holding a cigarette lighter behind his legs. I though he was just trying to light a fart, said Haggarty, like our pilots are always doing on layovers. Then I saw this string-like thing hanging from his ***, and I got scared. Haggarty immediately called for assistance.Several male passengers subdued the man before he was able to light the fuse.

After landing in Kansas City, authorities found the man's intestines were stuffed with military grade C4 explosive. FBI agents stated that it would have been a complete catastrophe if the passenger had succeeded in lighting the fuse. The passenger, Mohammed Bin Ali El Batout Nabeel Sin Abba Rahim Mansour Ali Baba, Age 25, was carrying fourteen passports from various countries throughout the middle east. Asked why he had stuffed himself full of plastic explosives, Ali Baba stated, "I was planning to blow the **** out of the plane. I wanted to kill all the Americans and Jews to show that we are a peace loving people."

Airport security agents in Los Angeles remembered seeing Ali Baba as he boarded American flight 90. They were a bit concerned because his name would not fit on the front of the ticket, he was wearing a checkered tablecloth as a hat, looked like he was ready to kill someone, was reading an Al Quaeda training manual and had on a "**** America" tee-shirt. According to Federal Airport Security standards, however, individuals cannot be profiled for additional security simply because they are young, middle-eastern men.

The security supervisor, Leroy Jackson, said he was somewhat concerned with the way Ali Baba walked. "Hell, man, the guy waddled like he had a stick of dynamite up his ***! Had I not been on the phone with my probation officer, I might have checked this guy out some more. But, we want and need complete diversity in our passenger screening," stated Jackson. "Plus, we think the flight crews on those planes pose more of a threat to safety than one raghead with an exploding ***."

"That¹s why you can always find one of them pilots in bare feet waiting for his shoes to be x-rayed. I love seeing the look on their faces when we make them do that," he guffawed, adding, "I just hope they don¹t give those guys guns, because they might want to even the score."

Federal officials are now referring to this latest terrorist attempt as a Obutt bomb. Security experts believe this could be even more difficult to detect than the primitive Oshoe bomb used by terrorist Richard Reid. I'm not sure how were going to check for Obutt bombs, stated Jackson. We don¹t have technology to do it, but we¹ve got to check somehow in the interest of safety, adding, I think we should start with Flight Crews first.

Answer 10

Yeah, but they're too long to type out...