Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

1st to het it right gets 10 points

2006-07-23 02:59:55 · 8 answers · asked by zac d 2

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living.

"Mary, what does your parents do?"

Little Mary replied, "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse."

"That’s very nice," said the teacher. "Robert, what do your parents do?"

Robert proudly exclaimed, "My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!"

"That’s very nice," said the teacher, "Johnny, what do your parents do?"

He stood up and pronounced, "My dad's dead and my mom's a hooker."

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. 15 minutes later, he returned.

"Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" asked the teacher.

Johnny replied, "Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me a chocolate and asked for my phone number."

2006-07-23 02:58:55 · 15 answers · asked by neha 3

The story goes that when the Swiss didn't have so much experience yet with making clocks, a painful mistake was made with a church clock. The clock was officially put into use when it showed 6 o'clock. But soon it was noticed that the hour hand and minute hand had been interchanged and attached to the wrong axes. The result was that the hour hand moved with a speed twelve times higher than the minute hand. When the clock maker arrived, a remarkable thing happened: on the moment he inspected the clock, it showed exactly the right time again.

The Question: If the clock started at 6 o'clock in the correct position, then what was the first moment that it showed the correct time again?

2006-07-23 02:36:32 · 4 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

Saw a animal rascist bumper sticker the other day...' Forget the rhino..save the Whiteo'

2006-07-23 02:03:52 · 26 answers · asked by Featherman 5

A MAN in western attire went into a bar and asked for 30 martinis in a bucket.

"What?" questioned the bartender, "Why would you want so many martinis?"

"My horse likes them," replied the cowboy, "and he's tied to a parking meter out front dying of thirst. I want to surprise him."

So the bartender got busy and came up with a bucket of martinis.

"If you don't mind," he said, "I'd like to see this boozing horse with my own eyes."

"Be my guest," said the customer, and the two went outside and placed the bucket by the horse, who drank deeply.

"Darnedest thing I ever saw," said the bartender. "Why don't you come back in and I'll mix you a few on the house."

"No, I couldn't do that," said the man. "But thanks anyway."

"What's the matter?" asked the bartender. "Don't you like martinis?"

"Love'em," replied the cowboy, "but I gotta _________."

2006-07-23 02:00:28 · 8 answers · asked by Javed Miandad 1

2006-07-23 01:57:45 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Here's mine(and it's really stupid):

Why did the pirate visit the aquarium?

To se the ShARRRRks!:)

2006-07-23 01:41:00 · 8 answers · asked by ? 5

Q; WHY ARE THERE NO BOOKS ON SUICIDE IN THE PUBLIC LIBARY ?
A; BECAUSE NO ONE RETURNS THEM

2006-07-23 01:38:36 · 7 answers · asked by MUSHMAN 6

they gave out prizes for all of the subjects and some boy won everything.i feel like a failure cos even teachers were asking me why i didn't win nothin

2006-07-23 01:34:00 · 2 answers · asked by goldengal 2

What did Snow White say to Pinochio when they were having sex?

first correct answer for 10 points!!!

2006-07-23 01:20:30 · 9 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

guy bets a bartender he can bite his eye for $20.this is impossible,so he takes the bet.he takes out his glass eye and bites it.bartender pays up.guy tells him that was a bad bet,like a chance to get ur bet back. double or nothing i can bite my other eye.bartender knows this is a sure bet,or he'd be blind.he takes the bet.guy takes out his false teeth,bites his other eye.the bartender is getting angry but pays up. the guy sees him getting angry,offers him a way to get his money back, and then some.bartender tells him no way,i seen enough.guy says ok but hear me out.see that shot glass down the bar? i'll give you 500 bucks if i can't pee in it from here. the bartender knows that's not possible and takes the bet. the guy stands on the bar and starts peeing. pee goes everywhere,but he comes up short.bartender starts laughing and laughing and says pay up jerk, i win!guy says, yeah laugh it up, i bet joe down there $5000 i could pee all over your bar and make you laugh about it.

2006-07-23 01:18:06 · 17 answers · asked by bakbiter 3

Why that animal,you must have your reasons...mine would have to be a silver~back gorilla because to see them in the flesh they are truly magnificent,loving,caring and protective of their family,plus i'd have arms bigger than Arnie and the strength of about 4-5 men! Ladies and gentlemen i bring you...KONG

2006-07-23 01:13:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

My friend dared me to walk to his house wearing a women's bikini which is 3miles away from my house.. i was so embarrassed.. cars were honking, girls were staring...

I need an embarrassing dare for my friend.. something worse that walking 3 miles in a bikini

2006-07-23 01:04:04 · 6 answers · asked by Sharpies123 1

I know this topic has been constantly repeated, but all the other questions are closed. Try to make an original riddle-like joke. And only post one joke in your answer to make it fair for everyone. For instance, here's my joke:
Q: How does Sardarji solve a Rubik's cube?
A: He smashes it on the floor and puts the pieces together (no offense to Sardarji)
Okay, maybe that wasn't very funny. Maybe you can do better. Don't be racist or hateful in your jokes. Okay, now let's see what you've got...

2006-07-23 00:58:01 · 6 answers · asked by Captain Hero 4

Show me what you got and convince me to give you those 10 points. (I saw that there is another question like mine but I'm somebody else)

2006-07-23 00:53:32 · 19 answers · asked by Soso 3

2006-07-23 00:51:28 · 8 answers · asked by radha 1

a woman is about to get married when her uncle hands her a cheque as a present.
she tucks it in her glove for safekeeping.
that night, the cuople stay at the brides parents' house and the groom asks: "what did your uncle give you?"
"a cheque," his bride replies.
"it's in my glove downstairs."
she calls down to her mother to fetch her gloves. but her father shouts back: "get hold of it with your bare hands, girl-it won't hurt you."

2006-07-23 00:49:35 · 12 answers · asked by Kelly 5

there was a young man from bel air,
who was bonking his girl on the stair,
but the banisters broke,
so he doubled his stroke,
and finished her off in mid-air.

2006-07-23 00:41:31 · 9 answers · asked by Kelly 5

his hand caught fire!

2006-07-23 00:39:30 · 10 answers · asked by Kelly 5

he grew a jolly green giant!

2006-07-23 00:34:55 · 10 answers · asked by Kelly 5

a baby goat falls off a cliff and is swallowed by a large flat fish.
an anglar catches the fish and out jumps the baby goat.
the suprised fisherman say's: "what's a nice kid like you doing in a plaice like this?"

2006-07-23 00:33:40 · 20 answers · asked by Kelly 5

a man who thinks harass is two words.

2006-07-23 00:30:35 · 5 answers · asked by Kelly 5

I am sick of all the debate about the chicken.
Chickens are a dime a dozen ..... what about the poor old rooster?

2006-07-23 00:24:17 · 9 answers · asked by ? 6

doctor I need help, my ex wife is visiting on friday,my mistress on saturday, and my current g/friend on sunday.O.K.I,ll give you viagra but come and see me on monday so I can check you out,because thats a very high dose.Goes to doctor on monday ,with arm in a sling,when asked what happened replies, nobody showed up.

2006-07-23 00:11:24 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

during a wedding rehersal, the groom takes the vicar to one side....
"i'll give you £100 if you'll change the vows," he says.
"just leave out the part where i promise to love, honour and obey, and forsaking all others, be faithfull forever."
he then slips the vicar the cash and walks away.
the wedding comes and the couple are about to exchange vows. the vicar turns to the groom and announces: "will you promise to worship the ground she walks on, obey her every command, serve her breakfast in bed every morning and swear eternally you will not even loo at another woman, as long as you live?"
the groom gulps and yelps: "yes!"
he then leans towards the vicar and hisses: "i thought we had a deal!"
the vicar presses the £100 back into his hand and whispers: "she made me a much better offer."

2006-07-23 00:10:26 · 16 answers · asked by Kelly 5

child: "what's that noise?"
mum: "it's your dad trying to get a barrel of beer upstairs."
child: "how will he carry it?"
mum: "in his stomach."

2006-07-23 00:01:02 · 13 answers · asked by Kelly 5

2006-07-22 23:53:44 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

name is, and guess how big my @ss is you know stupid questions like that

how many agree?

2006-07-22 23:52:07 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three guys were sitting in a pub chatting. Two of them were talking about how they dominated their wives. One of them sat there quietly listening. The two guys noticed and turned to the third one and asked if he had ever dominated his wife.. he said "Just the other day my wife came to me on her hands and knees".. the two guys were amazed.. "What happened next?" they asked.... she said "Get out of under the bed and fight like a man".

2006-07-22 23:47:49 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

At least one of a pair of twins will be born evil.

2006-07-22 23:43:20 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous