Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

dumbest answer gets 10 points
example: If someone found out that i dont HAVE AN IPOD, I would BUY ONE tomorrow.

2006-07-22 16:48:58 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-22 16:38:32 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-22 16:37:01 · 8 answers · asked by alice b 6

What is the best senior prank that you can think of, or have done/ heard about?

2006-07-22 16:34:41 · 6 answers · asked by grannypincher8 2

2006-07-22 16:26:48 · 14 answers · asked by alice b 6

2006-07-22 15:51:43 · 13 answers · asked by tricky k 2

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psych courses, started by saying "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds Johnny stood up.

The teacher said "Do you think you're stupid Johnny?"

"No ma'am, I hate to see you standing there by yourself!"

**********************************************************************



Johnny went to a horse auction with his dad & watched as he went from horse to horse running his hands up & down legs, rumps & chests.

After a few minutes Johnny asked "Dad, why're you doin' that?"

Dad said "Because when I buy horses, I have to make sure they're healthy & in good shape first.

Looking worried, Johnny said "Dad I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

2006-07-22 15:47:06 · 10 answers · asked by gnome_14au 2

Maybe if every one fills her mail box she'll be too busy to report you again

2006-07-22 15:45:31 · 12 answers · asked by likeitis 3

2006-07-22 15:42:16 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

have you got one?

2006-07-22 15:40:55 · 36 answers · asked by ice 2

tell me your best procrstinate story

2006-07-22 15:40:10 · 7 answers · asked by JEFF HARDY #1 FAN 3

collided with a UFO on the darkside of the moon, how long will it take my head to explode from being filled with Edna's rants?

2006-07-22 15:38:35 · 7 answers · asked by Godzilla 3

Thankies!!!!!!!

2006-07-22 15:28:18 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Whoever can come up with the funniest croos between two dogs gets 10 points. Don't say a cross between a bulldog and shih tsu, I've heard that way too many times. To have a better chance at me actually picking you, please mix the two different names of the dogs, and give a detailed explanation of it's characteristics so I can get a mental image. The funnier the mix, the better! I want rolling on the floor laughing funny! C'mon, whatchagot?

2006-07-22 15:10:56 · 17 answers · asked by Brian.E 2

2006-07-22 14:57:50 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-22 14:53:57 · 9 answers · asked by opjames 4

well this is fun who ever is number 76 get 10 z points...awnser number 76 is best awnser...
good luck u guys♥

2006-07-22 14:53:19 · 23 answers · asked by x_brunett4life_x 1

i want all types. they can be clean or dirty. they just have to b funny.
Add on any lame ones that u know as well.

Please and Thanx in advance.

2006-07-22 14:42:57 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do you call GAY dinasaurs?

2006-07-22 14:25:21 · 13 answers · asked by Moose 6

What did one lezbo frog say to the other lezbo frog?

2006-07-22 14:15:55 · 19 answers · asked by Moose 6

u know the drill come on ppl!

2006-07-22 14:04:36 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

house and stores supplies for the winter.



The grasshopper thinks that the ant is a fool. He laughs, dances and
plays
the summer away, preparing nothing for the coming winter.



Winter comes, the ant is safe and warm. The shivering grasshopper calls
a
press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be
warm and fed, while others are cold and starving!



CBS, NBC, ABC & CNN show up to provide pictures of shivering
grasshoppers,
next to a video of an ant in his comfortable home, with a table filled
with
food.



America is stunned by the sharp contrast! How can this be, that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer this
way?



Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah, with the grasshopper. Everyone cries
when
they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green".



Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house, where
the
news stations film the group singing "We Shall Overcome".



Jesse then has the group pray for the grasshopper's sake, and reminds
the
group to contribute to his group, so that he can "continue the fight"
for
grasshoppers, everywhere!



Ted Kennedy & John Kerry exclaim, in an interview with Tom Brokaw, that
the
ant has gotten rich, off the back of the poor grasshopper!



Both call for an immediate tax hike, to make the ant pay "his fair
share"!



Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity For Grasshoppers Act",
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.



The ant is fined for failing to hire the proportionate number of green
bugs
and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his house is
confiscated by the government.



Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper, in a
defamation suit against the ant. The case is tried in federal court,
with a
jury comprised of unemployed welfare recipients.



Surprise! The ant loses the case!



The story ends, as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of
the
ant's food, while the government house he lives in (which happens to be
the
ant's old house) crumbles around him, due t o lack of maintenance!

The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found, dead, in
a
drug-related incident. The house, now abandoned, is taken over by a
gang of
spiders, who terrorize this once-peaceful neighborhood.



THE END.

2006-07-22 14:00:17 · 8 answers · asked by joegossum 4

be honest if u can tell me..... thanx

2006-07-22 13:55:44 · 20 answers · asked by ♥I know these things♥ 4

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

2006-07-22 13:53:42 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-22 12:58:03 · 9 answers · asked by xSilverStarx 5

The funniest one will get 20 points instead of 10.

2006-07-22 12:35:09 · 17 answers · asked by I am rock 4

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left
side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine
travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size
as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a
helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and
the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous
situation?
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Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk

2006-07-22 12:18:20 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

One night, a husband and wife were having a conversation over dinner: Wife: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

Husband: Definitely not!

Wife: Why not - don't you like being married?

Husband: Of course I do.

Wife: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

Husband: Okay, I'd get married again.

Wife: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)

Husband: (makes audible groan)

Wife: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

Husband: Where else would we sleep?

Wife: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

Husband: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

Wife: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

Husband: She can't use them; she's left-handed.

Wife: - - - silence - - -

Husband: ****.****.****.....

2006-07-22 12:12:06 · 23 answers · asked by neha 3

man and his wife are dining at a table in
a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps
staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin
as she sits alone at a nearby table.


The wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife.

She took to drinking right after we divorced
seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been
sober since."

"My Gosh!" says the wife, "Who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long."

2006-07-22 12:07:38 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

maybe you jus dont wanna answer my questions...but im trying to find out how you get the little pictures people on here are putting by their names...like the spades by mine....ive tried going to www.altcodes.com but i dont kno where to go from there...could you please help me...im lookin for the code for the stars...or if anyone has anything else...i would like to kno thanx

2006-07-22 12:00:11 · 6 answers · asked by MzChamillinator 5