A new teacher was trying to make use of her psych courses, started by saying "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds Johnny stood up.
The teacher said "Do you think you're stupid Johnny?"
"No ma'am, I hate to see you standing there by yourself!"
**********************************************************************
Johnny went to a horse auction with his dad & watched as he went from horse to horse running his hands up & down legs, rumps & chests.
After a few minutes Johnny asked "Dad, why're you doin' that?"
Dad said "Because when I buy horses, I have to make sure they're healthy & in good shape first.
Looking worried, Johnny said "Dad I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
2006-07-22 15:47:06 · 10 answers · asked by gnome_14au 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Thanks Cody de Wal For The jokes
2006-07-22 17:34:36 · update #1
The Eel ****
Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age, rather curious, he had been hearing quite a bit about "courting" from the older boys and wondered what it was and how it was done.
One day he took his questions to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend.
This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother.
"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just like the doctor would. Except, he's not as smart as the doctor, because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath.
His other hand must have been cold, because he put it under her skirt. About this time, sis got worse, and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down the end of the couch. This was when the fever started. I knew it was a fever because sis told him she was really hot.
Finally, I found what was making them so sick.... a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow... it jumped out of his pants and stood there, about ten inches long. Honest. anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away.
When sis saw it, she got really scared... her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the one down at the lake! Anyway, sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting it's head off. All of a sudden, she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit her back. Sis then grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again.
Sis then layed back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on its head, he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them.
After a while, they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because it just hung there, limp and some of its insides was hanging out.
Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired form the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats....they have nine lives or something.
This time, sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After a 36 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead because i saw sis boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet"
By this time, Johnny's mother had passed out cold
2006-07-22 16:25:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
l love that first one! I gotta remember that.. : )
I got one for you. The teacher says, where can we find Jesus?
Little Mary, stands up and says "Jesus is in church"...The teacher smiles.
Little Susan, politely says, "Jesus is in my heart"...the teacher beams..
Little Johnny, stands up and the teacher is very nervous. Johnny says, "Jesus is in my bathroom"
Puzzled, the teacher asks "...in your bathroom..."
Johnny proudly replies.."Yes, in my bathroom, just this morning, my dad ran up to the bathroom door, banged on it three times, and yelled...'Jesus Christ!! are you still in there?!?!?"
.... : )
2006-07-22 23:20:31 · answer #2 · answered by Dreamer363 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First one was a classic...I've heard several versions of it...but I love the second one! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
2006-07-22 22:54:35 · answer #3 · answered by Doc Hudson 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
heard the first one allready
bwahhhahahhah on the second one
2006-07-22 22:51:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i liked them both but i liked the 2nd one better good jokes lol
2006-07-22 23:29:45 · answer #5 · answered by Rawr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
those r so funny, i like the second one best, it made me laugh out loud,
2006-07-22 22:54:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First one....old but funny... second one...didn't get!
2006-07-22 23:11:44 · answer #7 · answered by Prince Charmant! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the first one was funny...and uh...the second one was lame! ! ! !
2006-07-22 23:50:33 · answer #8 · answered by Lizzie101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol
2006-07-23 06:59:37 · answer #9 · answered by chunkybaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice... lol
2006-07-22 23:29:16 · answer #10 · answered by ekilps_08_25_93 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋