Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

The first one to come up with the answer I'm looking for gets 10 points. Think about it...

2006-07-25 14:36:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A detective found a dead man sitting at his desk with a gun in his hand & a tape recorder was on his desk.
The detective came in and picked up the tape recorder and pressed the play button.
He heard the dead man say "I am sick of my life. I have no purpose to live," & then heard a gunshot.

How come the detective instantly knew it was murder & wasn't a suicide. Don't think too hard. No he wasn't a psychic. ;)

2006-07-25 14:31:19 · 14 answers · asked by mani boo/poo 2

2006-07-25 14:26:05 · 2 answers · asked by Tulshidas B 1

that penguins live at the South Pole and that polar bears live at the North Pole.

Wow, what a mind bender!

Obviously my employer felt the need to relay this information to all of us here at the hospital. This statement was actually posted on our homepage! What in the hell does this have to do with healthcare?

Wait a minute… Miracles upon miracles … the patients are actually getting all better now!
It really did make a difference!

(Feel free to contribute any pointless facts you deem necessary.)

2006-07-25 14:03:33 · 8 answers · asked by ? 6

If Anyone Solve this one he wins 10 points

43 52638332 936382
these numbers are a sentence of 3 words, every 2 numbers are a letter
the solution is in ur mobile keynumbers


let me give it to you
1(none) 2(abc) 3(def)
4(ghi) 5(jkl) 6(mno)
7(pqrs) 8(tuv) 9(wxyz)


good luck

2006-07-25 14:01:04 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

is it like, a thing old people say that means somehting else, if not its a suck joke, but, seriously, why?!?!?

2006-07-25 13:56:10 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

76. people who love sausages and respect the law should never watch either 1 being made
77. the correct advise to give is the advice that is desired
78. the purpose of the communication is to advance the communicater
79. the information conveyed is less important then the impression
80. change is the status quo
81. a manager cannot tell if he is leading an innovative mob or being chased by it
82. a decision is judged by the conviction with which it is uttered
83. to protect your position fire the fastest rising employees 1st
84. decisions are justified by the benifits to the organization, but they are made by considering the benefits to the decision makers
85. anyone else who can be made should be blamed
86. anything that can go wrong will go wrong faster with computers
87. in any decision situation the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the impotannce of the decision

2006-07-25 13:54:49 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

Nobody is perfect. I am nobody. Therefore I am perfect.

The same can be said for most of you.
Except for that guy down there at the bottom who made the stupid remark.

2006-07-25 13:53:52 · 12 answers · asked by ? 6

A chicken and an egg were having wild passionate sex. Afterwards, the egg immediately lit a cigarette.

I guess that answers the question.

2006-07-25 13:48:50 · 30 answers · asked by ••Mott•• 6

2006-07-25 13:46:14 · 3 answers · asked by chillin 2

Yes i stole this quetion from some1 else

2006-07-25 13:44:28 · 36 answers · asked by spartan117ha 2

*answer* you take the "S" out of safe, and the "F" out of way.

2006-07-25 13:34:44 · 5 answers · asked by 96.7 KCAL ROCKS!!! 3

I love you.
You might not love me.

I see you.
But you might not see me.

I'm right there
But you probably don't care.

I gave you those
That you smell with your nose.

But as for my identity...
You may never know.

IT'S EASY... I'm bored. It's NOT God because everyone knows him whether they think they do or not.

2006-07-25 13:19:36 · 9 answers · asked by mani boo/poo 2

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband said, "I'm not sure - I think maybe she choked."

2006-07-25 13:18:47 · 28 answers · asked by christine 3

3 cannibals walk into a forest one day for a picnic. One of them is the father of the other's son. How is this possible?

2006-07-25 13:11:15 · 10 answers · asked by Jessthemess 4

You are walking through a field, and you find something to eat. It doesn't have bones, and it doesn't have meat. You pick it up and put it into your pocket. You take it home and put it on a shelf, but 3 days later it walks away. What is it?

2006-07-25 13:03:34 · 12 answers · asked by bakbiter 3

One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with some friends.

Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on. He sat up and was flushed.

He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and said, " Did you like what you saw?" Mike said "Yes I did." She said, Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500." So Mike thought about this financial situation and said, "O.K." She said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then." Mike said, "I'll see you then."

The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left. Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today" She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did." Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you."

2006-07-25 13:00:46 · 22 answers · asked by christine 3

2006-07-25 12:57:41 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-25 12:56:17 · 1 answers · asked by EmO ChiLd :* 2

2006-07-25 12:54:06 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

I made this up. I think it's easy, but here it goes...

I can make someone die
I can even make you cry
I am in you forever
To get yours, others are clever
You might not know I'm there
But I always fill the air
What could I be?

2006-07-25 12:53:16 · 7 answers · asked by mani boo/poo 2

Why does my father send me those silly Emails in the first place?

Why do parent's say; I hope your kids act the same way you do?

Why can't my father use spell check?

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful ?

Why is it that 4 out of 3 people can't count to 21 when they're playing black jack?

Why is it that your father-in-law is always stuck in the past? (This used to cost only a dime when I was a kid.)

Why do your parents tell a story starting with, "When I was a kid"? AND it includes walking to school uphill both ways?

Why do kids always say "I don't know", when they're guilty?

Why do parents ask "Why did you do this?" WHEN they know the kids answer is going to be "I don't know."

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

2006-07-25 12:53:15 · 8 answers · asked by ? 3

Mike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown."

Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you OK??" In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?"

The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said 'Turn Around!'"

2006-07-25 12:48:50 · 25 answers · asked by christine 3

What has roots that nobody sees, and is taller than trees. Up, up it goes, and yet it never grows.
first 1with the right answer will get 10 points!!!!!!

2006-07-25 12:46:29 · 3 answers · asked by Jessica 1

if you were abandoned in a house with 4 walls no doors no windows and no chimney,only a plank of wood 4 x4,how would you escape and call for help?

2006-07-25 12:44:09 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!"

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere! How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming? That was me.

2006-07-25 12:43:52 · 12 answers · asked by christine 3

A boy played in the mud!

Want to hear a clean joke???

That boy took a bath!


hahahahahahah

ok, I have way to much time on my hands.......wowsers!

but c'mon.....haha

2006-07-25 12:40:12 · 12 answers · asked by Scoot 4

10 points to whoever can make me laugh like a big stupid:-)

2006-07-25 12:38:05 · 13 answers · asked by Alex 42 2

thats ongoing. for example....
how do u get an elephant in the refrigirator?
shove it in and close the door
how do u get a panther in a refrigirator?
take the elephant out, shove it in and close the door
every animal is at a meeting except which 1?
the panther

ect. or just put any funny joke!!!!

2006-07-25 12:37:49 · 4 answers · asked by ניקול 4

Why is it that when a person tells a joke about "african-americans" he gets his a** reamed, but when a person tells jokes about "white-american" most people laugh? A joke is a joke, cripe! Get over it!

2006-07-25 12:33:41 · 23 answers · asked by ItsMe 2