Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

2006-07-25 12:18:53 · 21 answers · asked by jared l 4

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Most interesting answer gets 10pts!

2006-07-25 12:11:20 · 9 answers · asked by jrm_jab 2

A good start.

2006-07-25 12:01:40 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are stuck in a room with no windows or doors. a solid room. the only things in this room is a mirror and a table. how do you escape?
10 points to whoever gets it

2006-07-25 11:56:49 · 19 answers · asked by jared l 4

Q: Whats the definition of White Power? A:Four White boys pushing a Dodge Dart up a hill

Q:Whats Orange White and Very Beautiful A: A WHITE BOY ON FIRE!
Q: What does a white woman make for dinner? A: Reservations

Q: What did the white man do before his blood test? A: He studied
1.Why did white people own slaves?

they was not strong enough to pick cotton..........weak bastards

2.Why do white women have no-***?

becuase they sat on there *** while the black people did all the work

3.Why do white girls have big breast?

becuase the doctor subscribes them

4.How do u spot a white guy?

shine a black light on them

5.Why cant white men jump?

to busy making racist jokes then any thing else

6.why is white girls so skinny?

becuase they think sucking dick is apart of there diet

7.Why did micheal jackson turn white?

so he can be gay too!!

2006-07-25 11:53:09 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-25 11:48:31 · 24 answers · asked by GingerSpam 1

Willys cynical thought for the day;

I'm NOT fifty something I'm only $49.95 plus shipping & freaking handling!

-  Never ask your bike to scream before her throat is good and warm.

-  Sometimes it takes a whole tank full of gas before you can think straight.

-  If you want to get a job, you may have to compromise your principals; you may even have to shave.

-  Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees you'll ride alone.

-  Never hesitate to ride past the last street light at the edge of town.

-  Never mistake Horsepower for staying power.

-  A good rider has balance, judgment, and good timing. So does a good lover.

-  A cold hamburger can be reheated quite nicely by strapping it to an exhaust pipe and riding forty miles.

-  Never do less then Forty miles before breakfast.

-  If you don't ride in the rain-you don't ride.

-  A bike on the road is worth 2 in the shop.

-  Respect the person who has seen the Dark side of motorcycling and lived.

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-25 11:45:18 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A friend has been asking me this riddle for over five years now and it is driving me insane! He says it comes from one of the Batman movies but I have never come across it.

2006-07-25 11:36:53 · 26 answers · asked by elk312 5

ever hear the song clip,lol

2006-07-25 11:00:26 · 21 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-07-25 10:51:31 · 9 answers · asked by MagicBob 1

You give me a funny answer and you'll get 10 points.

2006-07-25 10:51:25 · 13 answers · asked by tushpush1966 3

War in Afghanistan
War in Iraq
War between Isreal and Hezbollah
High oil prices
Nukes in Iran
Nukes in Korea
Global Warming
Katrina
Poverty
Bombings in London
Bombings in India
Chicago Cubs
USA losing in World Cup
Obesity
Poor Eyesight
Untied Shoes
Losing my Job
Losing my House
Prison Overcrowding
Meth Addiction
Adultery
Rush Hour
Immigration
My Grass Needs to Be Cut
I have a Mouse in my Garage
My Dog is Getting Old
My Kids Are Growing Up
Flat Tire
Mortgage is Too High
High Taxes

Who Do you Blame?

I blame Michael Bolton

2006-07-25 10:41:37 · 22 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-07-25 10:28:44 · 21 answers · asked by Arise4 2

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl who I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

"I kicked her in the face."

2006-07-25 10:11:57 · 23 answers · asked by christine 3

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?"

"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much.........

2006-07-25 10:03:26 · 12 answers · asked by christine 3

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

2006-07-25 09:50:38 · 11 answers · asked by christine 3

On the old Yahoo main page you could click on Attachments and get links to web sites with funny videos etc. There was a lovely one of various cats taking pratfalls It changed once a week. Can't find it now.

2006-07-25 09:42:53 · 3 answers · asked by felineroche 5

A wonkey donkey........ there's more.....

what do you call a donkey with one leg missing and one eye missing?

A blinkey, winkey, wonkey donkey........ there's more.......

what do you call a donkey with one leg missing and one eye that plays the Piano??

A Honkey Tonky, Blinky Winky, Wonky Donkey..........

2006-07-25 09:39:14 · 30 answers · asked by Hedgehog 3

ok dont be alarmed im white but if you dont have a sence of humor dont read.here it goes.why do white people have flat butts?because they were sitting sitting on their azzez all day while the slaves did all the work!funny huh.

2006-07-25 09:33:26 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

2006-07-25 09:31:38 · 9 answers · asked by ? 2

A woman was lying in her hospital bed recuperating after an intense 12-hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy. Moments later the hospital room door opened, and in walked the delivery nurse carrying the baby boy.

Suddenly, the nurse throws the baby on the floor, kicks it up against the wall, picks it up and twirls it around several times and throws it against the wall.

The woman gives out a loud scream: "MY GOD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY?"

The Nurse chuckles a little to herself and then says, "April Fool! He was already dead!"

2006-07-25 09:30:03 · 15 answers · asked by DiamondXxx 6

IT GAVE A LITTE WHINE.........

2006-07-25 09:29:15 · 15 answers · asked by Hedgehog 3

2006-07-25 09:22:09 · 25 answers · asked by syelark 3

boom, boom, Tush.....

2006-07-25 09:21:59 · 13 answers · asked by Hedgehog 3

What symbol can u put between 2 & 3 to make it more than 2 but less than 3?

2006-07-25 09:11:46 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

a bear and a rabbit are both taking a s**t in the woods the bear looks at the rabbit and says "hey man do you have a problem with s**t sticking to your fur?"the rabbit says "no" so the bear grabs the rabbit and whips his *** with him...

2006-07-25 08:57:39 · 18 answers · asked by christine 3

Is this funny or crude?

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

"You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named you daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom Ann, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce, "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered,
"Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

2006-07-25 08:56:49 · 18 answers · asked by emma 3

2006-07-25 08:55:53 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Read through and then see answers below:-

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?

Answers:-

1. a dentist

2. a wedding ring

3. peanut butter

4. chewing gum

5. an elevator

6. a nose

7. a newspaper boy

8. a glove

9. a crane

10. a toothbrush, of course

2006-07-25 08:52:33 · 10 answers · asked by ? 2

that walked into a bar and said, "I'm lookin for the man that shot my paw."

2006-07-25 08:45:47 · 9 answers · asked by Leadfoot 3