For my stand-up routine I.m looking for ideas on the question "Do you know what I hate?"?

Answer 1

Here are a few for you.


9 Things I Hate About Stupid People

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours?
Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a-s-s to search the entire room for the T.V. remote.
Because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look".
Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?
Do people do this?
Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their a-s-s-e-s!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?".
No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"
Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'.
Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it.
If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short".
What the hell??
Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!
What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?".
If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Answer 2

got this in an email
i deleted it but theses are some i remember

when something says new and improved. I mean if its new then there has never been one, if it's improved, then they changed a previous one.
when your at the movie and someone says did you see that? "No idiot i paid $9 to stare at the floor"
when your waiting at the bus stop and someone asks if the bus has come yet. "why would i be standing here if it has"
when someone says can i ask you a question. "didn't really give me a choice their did ya buddy."

Answer 3

Rewatch the Family Guy episode where Peter has a spot on the news talking about what 'grinds his gears'.

Answer 4

Watching a movie on an airplane because if it is a bad movie you can't get up and walk out

Answer 5

Well, if you're supposed to be the stand up comedian, shouldn't YOU come up with your own jokes?

Answer 6

People who pop their gum during church, movies, etc. I just want to jump up and smack the gum out or their mouth.

Answer 7

People who can NEVER BE WRONG


When no matter WHAT happens, EVERYTHING IS MY (in your case YOUR) FAULT


lol

that's all i can come up with
for now.....:P

Answer 8

airplane food??
whats up with that

Answer 9

And?