What's the funniest joke?

Question

10 points to whoever can make me laugh like a big stupid:-)

Answer 1

What's brown and smells funny.................clown sh*t.

Answer 2

I only do one joke at a time, so there isn't multiple choices.


Traffic Stress


A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.

Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.
He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the
intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him."

The officer continued, "I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me toSunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car"

Answer 3

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.

They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, "I make bets."

The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "For example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet."

The old lady says, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady says, "OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM to witness?"

"Sure," says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 10 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president's balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

"Well, OK" says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, "What is wrong with your lawyer?"

She replies, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10 AM today I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hands!"

Answer 4

An old man walks into a bar and orders himself a double whisky, he drinks it back and orders another, he throws it back again he orders himself a third and at that the barman asks him what he is celebrating. The old man says"I am 92 years old and I have just had by first BJ", at this the barman says "that is fantastic, let me buy you a pint", the old man replies "thankyou but no, if three double whiskies can't get rid of the taste nothing will!"

Answer 5

There is a boy who has an elipse and his mum want him to go shops for buns, a clock and some liquorice for himself
So he goes to a BUN shop and asks for a BUM
after a while he goes to the CLOCK shop and asks for a CO.CK
he then makes his way to the LIQUOURICE shop and asks for a LICKIT
after he has all the requested items, he makes his way home
On the way, a man asks for the time, so the boy says
HOLD MY BUM AND LICKIT WHILE I GET MY CO.CK OUT

Answer 6

Old woman goes it shop where a young girl is serving and asks for 24 tins of Whiskers.
The girl replys "You must have a lot of cats"
The old woman says " No, it's for my husbands work sandwichies.
"You'll kill him" said the young girl
Old woman replys, "Its' okay he's had it for years and has never noticed.
So the girl give the old woman the Whiskers cat food.
Two weeks later the old woman come in the shop again and the same girl is serving she say's "How many tins of cat food today.
"None! My husband is dead" was the reply.
"I told you, you would kill him feeding him that stuff" said the girl
Old woman replied "He did'nt die of that"
Young girl "What did he die of then"
Old woman said "He broke his back trying to lick his a**e"

Answer 7

**Imagine the accents**

Two Irish men, MacDonald and MacDougall, are sitting in a pub one night and MacDonald turns to MacDougall and asks "MacDougall me ol' friend, when I die would you do me a favor ?"

"Aye, what could it be?" Macdougall replies.

"When I die, would you pourrr a bottle of good Irish whiskey on me grave?"

MacDougall thinks about it for a minute and says "Aye, no problem. But would you mind if it passes through me kidneys first?"

Answer 8

This really cracked me up when I heard it - but its not very PC!

Q: What do you call a lesbian pakistani?
A: Minjita

(say it out loud!)

It is stupid, but I laughed my head off.

Answer 9

Press Release......"Yahoo announce foolproof E-Mail System"

Answer 10

1.You have two cows.You must take care of them,but the government takes all the milk. 2. You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sell you the milk....hahaha!

Answer 11

my 8 year old son told me this and i thought it was really funny but u make ure mind up

wot goes ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo??



a cow with no lips !!!!!

had me in stitches for days!!