Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells, "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "*****!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

2006-07-26 17:39:35 · 9 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Would you prefer to have expert dexterity when punching a straw through a Capri Sun pouch?...Or...be able to converse with the dead, but only in jive?

2006-07-26 16:55:31 · 20 answers · asked by ? 6

I, by myself, is well known,
but I do not like to be alone.

With my twin, I am well praised.
A great source of energy,
you would be amazed.

But all togther, as a triplet,
I am now far more complicated.
In the heavens, I am a protector.
Down to earth, I am a destroyer.

2006-07-26 16:50:31 · 13 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

1. warning: consumption of alcohol may make you think you’re whispering when you’re not
2. warning: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot
3. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in
4. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish
5. warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning
6. warning: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your trousers
7. warning: consumption of alcohol may make you think that you can converse logically with members of the opposite sex without drooling
8. warning: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical kung fu powers
9. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you cant remember
10. warning: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead
11. warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you are invisible
12. warning: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you
13. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear
14. warning: consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy

2006-07-26 16:40:52 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

easy 10..2 tha 7th person 2 get it right.

2006-07-26 16:35:50 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Like 5 people... pranking one. She deserves it for being a b*tch... when everyone's alseep, me & my friend Ariel will get her back. How should we do so? Toothpaste in her hand, so when she wakes up, she smears it over her face??? Dunno. Then, we're gonna play 'Who done it?'. Lol.

So, anyways... got any pranks?

2006-07-26 16:30:23 · 21 answers · asked by mani boo/poo 2

Girls are evil and I can prove it.

First we aknowledge that girls require time and money.
Girls=Time x Money

And we know that time is money (Time = Money), so:
Girls=Money x Money

We also know that money is the root of all evil.
Girls= (*square root* Evil)^2

Therefor:

Girls = Evil


I'm a girl but I still find this funny

2006-07-26 16:28:47 · 14 answers · asked by LindseyLouWho 3

A boy covered in mud - dirty
A boy taking a bath with bubbles - clean
A boy taking a bath with bubbles his next door neighbor - dirty

2006-07-26 16:26:00 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

The funniest is "Did you fart, because you just blew me away!"
Haha!

What's urs?

2006-07-26 16:25:55 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

this guy hired a singer for a party then at the party when it is time for him to sing he goes up on stage and just stands there, after 10 minutes the guy says what is wrong and the singer says i have stage fright.

2006-07-26 16:16:53 · 12 answers · asked by New User 2

2006-07-26 16:11:38 · 9 answers · asked by ashanti g 2

2006-07-26 16:11:03 · 4 answers · asked by GIGGLES 2

im a little down in the dumps. i just had all my wisdom teeth cut out and i have to go tomorrow and get a root canal. my mouth hurts. whoever tells the best joke, gets my points. thanks

2006-07-26 16:08:36 · 3 answers · asked by Amber 3

2006-07-26 16:07:09 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Woman with two black eyes?

2006-07-26 15:48:46 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

This guy goes to the doctor after suffering from a pain in his side. After doing some tests, the doctor comes back into the room and tells him “I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you suffer from a life threatening illness, and that you only have about 6 months left to live. We have no way of treating it.”

The patient responded, “That’s horrible. You mentioned that there’s good news? What could that possibly be?”

The doctor replied, “The good news is that you also have Alzheimer’s, so just go home and forget about it.”

2006-07-26 15:48:31 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 15:48:21 · 3 answers · asked by ANyone but you 2

The one who made it, didn't want it.
The one who bought it, didn't need it.
The one who used it, never saw it. What is it?

2006-07-26 15:47:17 · 8 answers · asked by stepfunny 3

Health and safety executive hazardous materials report
ELEMENT: woman
SYMBOL: wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: accepted as 110lb but can range from 90lb-300lb
OCCURRENCE: copious quantities in all urban areas
Physical properties
1.Boils at nothing, freezes with no known reason
2.Melts if given special treatment.
3.Bitter if incorrectly used.
4. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
5. Yields to pressure applied at correct points

Chemical properties
1.Has great affinity for precious metals and stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode without warning and with no know reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increases with saturation in alcohol

Common uses
1.Highly ornamental especially in the sun or a sports car.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent

Tests
1.Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

Potential hazards
1.Highly dangerous, even in experienced hands
2.Illegal to posses more than 1, although several can be maintained in different locations so long as they do not come into direct contact with each other
General advice
1.Avoid contact wherever possible as cures can be expensive

2006-07-26 15:42:36 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 15:34:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

What am I? I am the only thing that always tells the truth. I show off everything that I see. I come in all shapes and sizes. So tell me what I must be!

2006-07-26 15:26:42 · 16 answers · asked by stepfunny 3

Go to my 360 page to read it... too long for this box.

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-_Hv91zk8cq14vnfVPYi9Zmj8x4rBN_H4?p=35

2006-07-26 15:06:42 · 18 answers · asked by Just Ask 2

2006-07-26 14:55:12 · 7 answers · asked by tofo04240 1

The receptionist wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen
minutes later, a nurse's aid came out and asked Buford what he had. Buford said, "Shingles."
So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Buford to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Buford what he had. Buford said, "Shingles" So she gave
Buford a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told Buford to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. Finally the doctor arrived and did a quick glance at Buford's naked body. He said, "where do you have the shingles?"
Buford said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them?

2006-07-26 14:55:12 · 5 answers · asked by GIGGLES 2

cartoon law IV: the time required for an object to fall 20 stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down 20 flights to attempt to capture it unbroken
such an object is inevitably priceless the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful
cartoon law V: all principles of gravity are negated by fear
psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earths surface a spooky noise or an adversarys signature sound will induce motion upward usually to the cradle of a chandelier a treetop or the crest of a flagpole the feet of a character who is running or wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground especially when in flight

2006-07-26 14:55:01 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Do you need some?
Do you miss the way i go in hard & come out soft & wet?
Do you miss the way I taste?

Be the 1st to guess & earn 10 pts!

2006-07-26 14:53:43 · 13 answers · asked by NicNac 3

What begins at earth buts at the end of time? At the begining of eternal but at the end of life

2006-07-26 14:50:58 · 30 answers · asked by Kit-CAT 2

2006-07-26 14:49:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 14:46:34 · 13 answers · asked by Phillip 3

I have a few ....

1. A Giraffe walks into a bar and says, "The hi balls are on me!..."

2. A guy walks into a pub with a giraffe under one arm. He walks over to the bar, places the giraffe on the floor, and orders a beer. The barman gets the guy his drink and then says "You can't leave that lying there!". At this comment the guy replies "It's not a lion it's a giraffe."

3. A termite walks into a bar and says "Where is the bar tender?"

2006-07-26 14:46:29 · 5 answers · asked by ? 6