Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

2006-07-26 14:45:55 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Fred goes to work as a lumberjack in a remote
town about 500 miles north of Montreal. The first
night in town, he checks out the local bar, and
asks the bartender where all the women hang out.
"Women?" says the bartender, "there aren't any
women for 300 miles around here!" He tells Fred
that the only relief to be found is Ming the
Chinaman. Fred says firmly, "No way, I don't go
for that ****!"

Fred walks out and goes to work up in the woods
for a couple of months. The next time he is in
town for supplies, he is pretty horny and goes
to see the bartender again. He asks, "Are you
sure there aren’t any women in town?" The
bartender replies, "Look, I already told you
there were no women here, and if you want
something, it'll have to be Ming the Chinaman!"
Fred's getts frustrated and says, "Now YOU look,
I already told you I don't go for that kind of
****!"

Fred goes back up into the woods for another 6
months. On his next trip to town, he's so horny,
he can hardly walk. He goes back to the
bartender, hat in hand, and says, "O.K., I
guess if there's absolutely no chance of getting
a women, I'll have to take Ming the Chinaman.
Can you set it up for me?" The bartender motions
to two big guys who walk over to where Ming is
sitting and pick him up. Ming starts going
******* crazy, screaming, kicking, and cussing.
Fred asks, "What's his problem?!" The bartender
replies, "Oh, Ming the Chinaman don't go for
that **** either!!"

2006-07-26 14:35:18 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.pappywishbone.com/Pappys-Nastygram/

I think its funny, and the person its going to has a good sense of humor...

HELP with the birthday gift... or any other suggestions from this site... I need a funny gift...

2006-07-26 14:30:49 · 9 answers · asked by bravomikeee 1

10 pts for the best answer. Go!

2006-07-26 14:28:20 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A drunk walks into a bar and stands next to a
wiseass. The wiseass walks up to a woman seated
at the bar and whispers, "Tickle your *** with a
feather?"

The lady spins around indignantly and says, "What
did you say to me?"

"Particular' nasty weather!" answers the wiseass.

"Oh," says the woman. The drunk thinks this is
uproariously funny.

The wiseass moves on to another lady, saying,
"Tickle your *** with a feather?" After the lady
asks him to repeat his profane inquiry, he
answers, "Particular' nasty weather!"

"Well yes it is, she answers." The drunk can
stand it no longer, and asks the wiseass if he
could try the little joke.

"Be my guest," replies Mr. Smartypants. So the
drunk walks up to a likely young woman and blurts
out, "**** you...It's raining."

2006-07-26 14:19:31 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Answer: Mace

2006-07-26 14:09:02 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 14:05:37 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 14:03:53 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 fathers and 2 sons go fishing they were happy each of them caught a fish alltogether there was only 3 fish. None were lost or thrown back. How could this be?

2006-07-26 13:38:28 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

when i was walking to saint ives i met a man with seven wives, seven wives with seven cats, seven cats with seven kittens, seven kittens with seven mice, and seven mice with seven flies. how many people were walking to saint ives?

2006-07-26 13:16:25 · 39 answers · asked by Steven T 2

Post ur jokes here ! let see wat u got

2006-07-26 13:16:23 · 4 answers · asked by Dreamzgurlz 2

no offense too blondes of course :)

2006-07-26 12:54:31 · 10 answers · asked by me 3

hurry get it right 4 best answer.

2006-07-26 12:43:43 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 12:38:41 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"

They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

"Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"


♥

2006-07-26 12:30:41 · 12 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-07-26 12:29:35 · 12 answers · asked by manw/thegoldengun 3

During service at church one sunday the Devil decided to pop in and scare the hell out of the members. The Devil ranted and raved and all the people ran screaming for their lives...except one old man in the back pew. The Devil walk up to him and asked,"Don't you know who I am? Why aren't you afraid?". The old man replied," I know who you are...I've been married to you're sister for 45 years....and no, you don't scare me at all?".

2006-07-26 12:17:27 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

what did i say? hint n is / and V, /V, k
e is 3 and 4 is a.

2006-07-26 12:04:37 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A few questions to think about:


Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny"
for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were
buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up
like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

2006-07-26 11:49:43 · 14 answers · asked by jussmessin 2

2006-07-26 11:39:58 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

If so did you Moon a stranger OR a friend?

2006-07-26 11:24:20 · 6 answers · asked by D B 4

2006-07-26 11:22:14 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ten tongues in one head,
Nine living and one dead,
One flew out to get some bread,
To feed the living inside the dead.

2006-07-26 11:21:02 · 5 answers · asked by Austin S 2

2006-07-26 11:18:36 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 11:10:55 · 17 answers · asked by Coo Bird 4

Ben Doon & Phillup McCavity !!

2006-07-26 11:07:56 · 21 answers · asked by kellysimmons@btopenworld.com 1

Did anyone ever tell you,
just how special you are?
That your smile is brighter
than all the stars.

Did anyone ever tell you
how you make others feel?
How you give them a friendship
that hardly seems real.

Did anyone ever tell you
many times, when they were sad
your e-mail made them smile a bit
in fact it made, them glad?

For the time you spend sending things,
and sharing what you find,
you make me so happy,
you're a true friend of mine.

Did anyone ever tell you
how much it means when they're blue,
that the only thing that comforts them
is the friend they find in you.

I believe that without a friend you are
missing out on a very important part of life...

I'm Glad We're Friends

2006-07-26 11:02:26 · 11 answers · asked by ||| Romeo Boy ||| 4

Tell the best jokes you've ever heard!
the best one that makes me laugh gets 10 points!

2006-07-26 11:02:03 · 12 answers · asked by Tiger demon 1

They are both empty from the neck up !!!

2006-07-26 11:01:23 · 13 answers · asked by kellysimmons@btopenworld.com 1

A hint: Starts with an "S"

Good luck! =D

2006-07-26 10:55:07 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous