Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

A guy answers an ad for a bellringer at the local church. The priest says," How can I consider you for the job? I can't help noticing U don't have any arms." The guy says, "Let's go to the belfry and I'll demonstrate." Off to the belfry they go. He says, "Stand aside, Father and watch." The guy runs at the bell and smashes his face into the bell. Well, the bell rang like it had never rung before. The priest said, "I'm impressed my son, but how long could you keep that up?" The guy says, " Well, Father,I can see you need more convincing" He ran at the bell again, stumbled, glanced off the bell, flew out of the belfry, and landed face down on the street below. 2 guys across the street saw the whole thing and rushed to help the guy. The first guy to him turned him over and said,"Poor guy never knew what hit him." The 2nd guy said, Hey, I think I know that guy." The 1st guy said, What's his name?" The 2nd guy said, "I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."

2006-07-26 06:51:53 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ten points will go to the person who can provide the best one-line joke completing this set-up:

It was so hot today that...

2006-07-26 06:35:48 · 63 answers · asked by Mr. Curious 6

2006-07-26 06:22:39 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 06:17:02 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

1st person to answer correctly gets 10 points.

2006-07-26 06:09:08 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

be free to include anything you want!!

2006-07-26 06:06:24 · 8 answers · asked by daikuster 2

Willys cynical thought for the day;

We could all learn something from the weather. It doesn't care if anybody criticizes or praises it; it just does its own freaking thing!

Marijuana has been proven to have a multitude of medicinal uses. And it's not just bunch of potheads wanting to smoke pot either! 2% of them would reap actual medical benefits!!! Here’s Cannabis Canada’s recommended dosage:

Symptom/Illness - Treatment

Glaucoma - 1/4 ounce per week, use as needed

Asthma - two large bong hits per attack

Minor burns - 1 joint every 4-6 hours

Insomnia - bowl at bedtime and as soon as you wake up

Depression - three large bong hits, 5-8 times per day

Hangnail - 1/2 ounce per week as long as symptoms persist

Feel kinda funny - pot brownies after each meal

My balls itch - antifungal cream applied to balls, and 2 - 3 joints per day

Jonesin' for some pot - 1 full ounce every 4 days, refill as needed

Waay tooo stoned man - Smoke as much as needed until you feel 'normal' again

Can't cope with shine - Stay in bed and smoke plenty of pot until better

Getting bored with Quake - One large bong hit everytime you save game

Paranoia - Smoke as much pot as humanly possible (while you still can)

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-26 05:57:39 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 05:54:27 · 10 answers · asked by Marlyn 2

i would follow my friend what does the friend is doing?and playin video games and ...... and so on.

2006-07-26 05:42:11 · 17 answers · asked by srinu710 4

I ain't been married but this a funny un! Willys cynical thought for the day;

If love is blind why is lingerie so freaking popular?

A guy, recently married to a widow, was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked, "I suppose, like all women who have been married before, your wife sometimes talks about her first husband?"

"Oh, not any more," the guy replied.

"What stopped him?" asked the friend.

"I started talking about my next wife," said the guy. Ha-ha-ha-ha!

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-26 05:40:24 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 05:36:47 · 11 answers · asked by Faye 3

WIFE: Honey, you eat. I'm ready.
HUSBAND: I'm full eh.
WIFE: I mean not the food. My p_ssy.
HUSBAND: that's why I'm full, It's my secretary's birthday.
She offered me to eat !!!

2006-07-26 05:34:23 · 5 answers · asked by alexcruz56 2

giving girls a milk if you know what i mean if you dont dont answers this question

2006-07-26 05:33:09 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 05:20:36 · 13 answers · asked by Striker 5

do u think O scar is from sesame streets.

2006-07-26 05:19:44 · 3 answers · asked by Faye 3

who can tell the best joke the person with the best joke gets 10 points!

2006-07-26 05:18:06 · 11 answers · asked by prutyprincess 1

2006-07-26 05:15:56 · 22 answers · asked by Faye 3

If men could wag their penis the same way a dog wags his tail, it would add a whole new meaning to "I'm so happy to see you!"

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-26 05:15:44 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 05:00:07 · 17 answers · asked by Sir Greggath 3

2006-07-26 04:58:03 · 16 answers · asked by Cj 2

2006-07-26 04:20:23 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 04:20:12 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

For example: Your momma so poor, that on christmas she gave you a tamale so you at least had something to open up.

2006-07-26 04:19:54 · 34 answers · asked by overcomehate 2

2006-07-26 04:10:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

you can beat an egg!

2006-07-26 04:09:35 · 11 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

2006-07-26 04:04:50 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm looking for one-liners here.

>>There are no limits on how dirty or gross or racist they are, I'm not going to report you, and NO ONE ELSE SHOULD<<

This is for joke lovers, not language haters - if you are offended, please press your browser's 'back' button.

2006-07-26 03:59:59 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I saw this in a magazine, and I don't understand it completely. I mean, I get the point of the mother thinks the daughter's irresponsible, but other than that.. :-? Tell me what you interperate it as.
"Mom," my teenage daughter said, in hopes of getting a new, very expensive, outfit, "Forties are the new thirties!" I sighed and swiped my credit card. She did have a point!
Ten years later, I'm hoovering near the bathroom door, saying, "What color is it?!" She comes out and holds the EPT up. It's positive. I suddenly saw some humor in this situation.
"So, do ya think that twenties are the new teens?"

2006-07-26 03:59:38 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mr. Dodgers and the children in the neighbourhood are raking leaves at Mr. Dodger's house. They have three piles of leaves in the back yard, and seven piles of leaves in the front yard. When Mr. Dodgers and the children put all the piles together, how many piles of leaves will they have?

2006-07-26 03:58:46 · 16 answers · asked by Mas 7

NO EDNA'S PLEASE! Jokes section, remember!

2006-07-26 03:50:19 · 10 answers · asked by police 6