Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

I'm so d... pretty ............................ Do you know the reason?

2006-07-26 03:44:05 · 3 answers · asked by Prophisized Pearl 1908 3

2006-07-26 03:34:46 · 17 answers · asked by Prophisized Pearl 1908 3

1. The doctor - Coz he says " Take off all your clothes"

2. The dentist - Coz he says " Open wide"

3. The milkman - Coz he says " Do you want it at the back or the front"

4. The hairdresser - Coz he says " Do you want it teased or blown"

5. The interior decorator - Coz he says " Once it's in you'll love it"

6. The banker - Coz he says " If we take it out to soon I'm afraid u may lose interest"

2006-07-26 03:30:53 · 10 answers · asked by Lionel W 3

he's gone away for a few days and is a clean freak, any suggestions for things we can do to his desk? got some ideas just lookin for more?

2006-07-26 03:13:20 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Little boy blue...

Little boy blue who?

Michael Jackson!

2006-07-26 03:08:52 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

E R E G N

2006-07-26 03:04:27 · 11 answers · asked by miracles 1

I is the 9th letter in the alphabet.

2006-07-26 03:02:18 · 10 answers · asked by frankiegirl1122 3

man in bar: Can I order you a drink?
woman reply: no thank you, it's bad for my legs.
man: sorry to hear what happens when having a drink.
woman: my legs open.

2006-07-26 03:01:40 · 17 answers · asked by Lionel W 3

(Not the best but still gave me a chuckle.)

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped
him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate-glass window.

For a few moments, everything was silent in the cab, and then the
still-shaking driver said, "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of
me."

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize
a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my
first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

2006-07-26 02:52:52 · 13 answers · asked by wolcott_boy37 2

Little Johnny and Billy were having the standard argument about whose father could beat up whose father.

Little Johnny said, "My father is better than your father."

Billy said, "Well, my mother is better than your mother."

Little Johnny paused, "I guess you're right. My father says the same thing."

2006-07-26 02:49:20 · 8 answers · asked by blossomingcactus 3

hey go to this website and answer. hes gonna be so mad when only guys answer LOL :


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;ylt=AmJ3ctbbvbBVIlMYtsPq87sy6IX?qid=20060726062326AAGwUdn

2006-07-26 02:44:48 · 4 answers · asked by KYthehumpit ₪scrappyboy₪ 1

2006-07-26 02:22:56 · 19 answers · asked by viper 2

You can catch them both out in the woods licking their pa(w)s.

2006-07-26 02:21:00 · 7 answers · asked by Nikki 2

A farmer's 30 sows needed the attentions of a prize pig and he made a deal with a pig owner down the road.
"It might take him a few days so l'll bring him over in the wheelbarrow every morning"
On the fourth morning, the owner thought he'd lost his pig until he found it sitting in the wheelbarrow.

2006-07-26 02:13:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's easier to sleep with a light on.

2006-07-26 02:12:15 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."

Mickey replied, "No I didn't, I said she was f**king Goofy."

2006-07-26 01:48:48 · 21 answers · asked by danyella 3

What direction will the smoke be heading to if it were a locomotive train?

2006-07-26 01:47:41 · 7 answers · asked by police 6

Do i need to eat a lot of vegetables.....If my Friend Sasha will eat a lot of green vegetables then will he become Superman ???

2006-07-26 01:46:53 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Of all sad words by tongue or pen
The saddest are these ................

first one to get it correct gets 10 points

2006-07-26 01:43:12 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

mines coconuts b cause its refreshing i just want 2 know

2006-07-26 01:35:45 · 53 answers · asked by Chesh » 5

Sung to you by- ***** Cat Chris (Hey Yahoo! deleted a common slang term for kitten !!! Ed - Chris.)

2006-07-26 01:31:26 · 14 answers · asked by Lyrixsta 1

The cell is contructed of solid concrete walls. There is only one opening into the cell, a small hatch that the could not possibly have gotten through. The quards attending checked on the man when giving his breakfast and he was gone. The only thing in the room was a broken chair. How did he get out?

2006-07-26 01:28:42 · 23 answers · asked by GingerSpam 1

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments of silence the first old lady asks, "And who drives you to the beach?"

2006-07-26 01:28:11 · 6 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

The cell he was held in had absolutely no doors and no windows, just a small hatch only big enough for a plate and cup. There was nothing left in the cell. This was an ordinary guy, averedge height etc. So how did he escape?

2006-07-26 01:25:56 · 22 answers · asked by GingerSpam 1

When I was 14, all I wanted was a girl with large breasts.

When I was 16, I dated a girl with large breasts, but there was no passion.

So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

At 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.

2006-07-26 01:24:34 · 6 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down FINALLY, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good).
We always hear "the rules "from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. These are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.


1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.


1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like cam

2006-07-26 01:21:20 · 10 answers · asked by flicflac 3

ive seen realy wierd names like, 'angrysandwichguy' and 'agentofchaos' what about you?

2006-07-26 01:17:01 · 12 answers · asked by Asher 1

A man goes to the doctor and asks "Doc how come my penis is turning orange?"

The doctor looks in amazement as the patient pulls out his orange penis.

The doctor has no idea what the problem could be, and runs a every test he can think of.

A week later the guy comes back to check with the doctor. "Doc did you find out why my penis is turning orange?"

"I don't have a clue." says the doctor. "Every test came back negative. Perhaps its environmental. Tell me what you do and how do you spend your time."

"Oh, nothing out of the ordinary," says the man, "a bag of Cheetos, a porno flick, and a quiet evening at home."

2006-07-26 01:12:47 · 7 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

2006-07-26 00:37:37 · 7 answers · asked by China9 2

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

2006-07-26 00:32:41 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous