Got any good jokes?

Question

I'm looking for one-liners here.

>>There are no limits on how dirty or gross or racist they are, I'm not going to report you, and NO ONE ELSE SHOULD<<

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Answer 1

POSSIBLY THE VERY BEST CHICKEN JOKE EVER....
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

Answer 2

A man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going overseas on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The man replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Answer 3

One

Answer 4

The pretty young lady was having a tooth pulled. The
dentist gave her the usual "This won't hurt a bit" routine
before bending over her with a drill in his hand.


He immediately drew back in complete alarm. "Miss," he
said in a barely audible whisper, "You have a hold of my
testicles!"


"Yes, doc, I know," she smiled, "and we aren't going
to hurt each other, are we?

Answer 5

a black man is walking along and sees a chinese man skipping rocks on the water and asks "what are you doing?" the china man says "I am skipping rock and get name of ancestors" and he demonstrates the rock skips smoothly on the water and makes a noise that sounds like "ching chang chong" so the black man tries and the rock makes a noise " chim pan zee " ( and for the record my black boyfriend told me that joke)

a man is driving in houston and gets pulled over for speeding, the cop goes up to the window and says"license and insurance please" the wife in the car with the man is hard of hearing and asks"what'd he say?" so the man tells her "he needs my license and insurance" "oh" she says...the cop says to the man "did you know you were speeding?" and again the woman asks "what did he say?" so the man tells her, finally the cop says "I see here on your license your from houston, I had my worse piece of pussy in houston" and the wife asks the man "what did he say?" and the man tells her "he thinks he knows you."

Answer 6

A sexy girl had a long horse ride.

On return, stableman says: ' The horse looks tired.'

Girl replies: 'Every one gets tired in between my legs.'

Answer 7

1: whats the opposite of pro? con. whats teh opposite of progress? congress!
2: knock knock
whos there?
yo momma!
yo momma who?
seriously its yo momma go get the damn door!

Answer 8

I'm not sure I like what you said up there, but here it goes:

Three grave robbers decided to dig up Beethoven's grave. But when they got there, they found him erasing his 5th Symphony! "Beethoven!" They cried. "What are you doing?!"
"Why", he replied. "I'm decomposing!"

Answer 9

no good one liners sorry

Answer 10

knock knock
who's there
boo
boowho
boo who don't cry