Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

2006-07-26 22:38:17 · 11 answers · asked by ? 2

2006-07-26 22:37:42 · 8 answers · asked by dizzybint78 1

A blonde and a brunette work as secretaries at an office job. One day the brunette says to the blonde, "Hey, I know how we can get time off work."
The blonde asks, "How?"
So the brunette jumps on the desk and grabs the light fixture and starts swinging from it. Right then the boss walks in and says, "What the hell are you doing?!"
The brunette says, "I'm a lightbulb!"
So the boss tells her, "Ya know, I think you should take some time off. Go home and get some rest."
So she jumps down and walks out the door. The blonde started following right behind her. The boss says,"Just where do you think you're going?"
The blonde replies, "I can't work in the dark."

2006-07-26 22:30:09 · 13 answers · asked by Bubba 3

A man is found dead by a single gunshot wound to the head in the front seat of his car, in the rear seat out of reach of the man is a handgun. All the windows are closed, and all the doors are locked with the only key to open them, still in the ignition. There are no bullet holes anywhere on the car.
How did this poor gentleman meet his untimely death?

10 points for for best answer.

2006-07-26 22:28:15 · 18 answers · asked by sly` 3

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost
instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be
afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.

8. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

9. AND..... Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of Life really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

11. And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You never know
when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

2006-07-26 22:24:36 · 6 answers · asked by ? 2

I catch a Road Runner??......i feel pity for Coyote !!! Plz give me some ideas ??

2006-07-26 22:23:25 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A very ugly woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids. The Wal-Mart greeter asks, "Are they twins?"

The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?"

"No," replies the greeter. "I just can’t believe you got laid twice."

2006-07-26 22:16:23 · 5 answers · asked by ? 2

Matt's dad picked him up from school one afternoon. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.

Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."

"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

2006-07-26 22:11:39 · 7 answers · asked by ? 2

A Newfoundlander enters his favorite ritzy restaurant in Toronto and while sitting at his regular table, he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby....all alone.


He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her - knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.


The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."


After reading the note, the Newfoundlander sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just so you know - BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL are in my garage; plus I have over 10 million dollars in the bank. But -- not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off two inches. Just send the bottle back."

2006-07-26 22:08:30 · 9 answers · asked by ? 2

I always give 100% at work:
12% Monday
23% Tuesday
40% Wednesday
20% Thursday
5% Friday

2006-07-26 22:08:06 · 4 answers · asked by ? 6

That sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

2006-07-26 22:06:16 · 3 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-07-26 22:00:36 · 4 answers · asked by Trust_in_myself 2

Please help me

2006-07-26 21:46:16 · 5 answers · asked by Hello 1

2006-07-26 21:27:00 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

PLEASE DONT BE OFFENDED. THIS IS JUST A JOKE.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure, because -

In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,

In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,

In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,

In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,

In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,

In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,

In the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant

2006-07-26 21:23:29 · 8 answers · asked by joann_xvi 4

Cryptic clues are

1. Motor dealers - I confess,
Hold the trial thats merciless
BEGINS WITH LETTER O

2. Judge in aged legal court,
Woodwind instrument transports
BEGINS WITH LETTER R

2006-07-26 21:18:28 · 10 answers · asked by itsme 3

What is the name of the longest [as in time] war in recorded history?

[NOTE: It also has the fewest casualities.]

[First one to correctly answer it will recieve 10 POINTS!]

2006-07-26 20:52:27 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 20:49:45 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Adam peeks under Eve's leave and says: I see sum1's been eating ur cake coz it's been cut.Eve takes a look under Adam's leave & says: I see ur pears are rotten coz there's a worm hanging out!!

2006-07-26 20:48:06 · 3 answers · asked by pelexi(",) 2

Adam peeks under Eve's leave and says: I see sum1's been eating ur cake coz it's been cut.Eve takes a look under Adam's leave & says: I see ur pears are rotten coz there's a worm hanging out!!

2006-07-26 20:40:20 · 9 answers · asked by pelexi(",) 2

*riddle..^v^

2006-07-26 20:32:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Indeed!!! Burning is the best way. :) I figured that chit out without ever postulating the stack.

Peace and love to you all. Look for questions that might actually be responses.

2006-07-26 20:17:15 · 5 answers · asked by jaike 5

*riddle*.... :)

2006-07-26 20:11:09 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

I think I have found the fastest way...just want some input. :)

2006-07-26 20:03:59 · 26 answers · asked by jaike 5

*riddle...good luck :)

2006-07-26 20:02:12 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 19:57:39 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's very simple. A sense of humor is the ability to take a joke ABOUT YOURSELF! If you can't handle that...then please seek a job in library science, thus removing yourself from communicating society.

2006-07-26 19:55:38 · 19 answers · asked by jaike 5

riddle* best of luck..:)

2006-07-26 19:55:04 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-26 19:50:43 · 17 answers · asked by texas boy 3

Previously, we had this following riddle:

Name an animal that you don't want to play poker with.
A: Cheetah!

Hehe. Of course! Lol. Ok, and today's riddle:

It's snack time, tell me what your computer is eating.

Good luck! :)

2006-07-26 19:29:46 · 15 answers · asked by iamigloo 6