Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

A little riddle. pretty easy, really...

2006-07-27 08:31:33 · 11 answers · asked by A Shade Of Grey 3

1000
1
1000
100

2006-07-27 08:30:49 · 11 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

2006-07-27 08:26:21 · 3 answers · asked by M7md 1

i really need a laugh i won't get disgusted at nasty jokes either i just need something to make me laugh

2006-07-27 08:23:58 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Please no Yo' Momma jokes.
Please no You might be a redneck jokes.
Please no blonde jokes as well.
Only reason is these are all generally old and kind lame.

2006-07-27 08:07:10 · 23 answers · asked by Qwerty 2

2006-07-27 08:06:42 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

First right answer to this trivia gets the points, but how many people can we get to answer this in 24 hours?

2006-07-27 07:43:39 · 8 answers · asked by thewildeman2 6

First right answer will get the points! I wonder though, how many people can we get to answer this in 24 hours?

2006-07-27 07:40:28 · 7 answers · asked by thewildeman2 6

WHEN I SAY NOT ORIGINAL I MEAN NO WOOD CHUCK NOT PETER PIPER NO BITTER BUTTER OR SHE SELLS SEA SHELL SO ANY BUT THOSE I KNOW SOMEONE MUST HAVE SOME I LOVE THEM AND MAKE THE KINDA CHALLENGING THANKS

2006-07-27 07:31:08 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled pepper,
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper
Where's the peck of pickled pepper, Peter Piper picked?

2006-07-27 07:26:33 · 10 answers · asked by gracie 3

who owns pldt?

2006-07-27 07:25:56 · 14 answers · asked by ... 3

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law:
If the shoe fits, it’s really ugly.

Oliver’s Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson’s Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

2006-07-27 07:22:14 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have four legs in the morning, two in the afternoon, and three in the evening. What am I? This is supposed to be the oldest riddle in history can you solve it? (It took me ages) This is from ancient greek mythology.

2006-07-27 07:12:46 · 16 answers · asked by rockstar101 1

Question of the day....How much chuck, wood a chuck chuck chuck if a wood wood could wood wood? HA!

2006-07-27 07:12:39 · 24 answers · asked by ghostguff 2

Not tonight I _______________

2006-07-27 07:10:50 · 26 answers · asked by maria f 2

An old cowboy walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a
>>male
>>pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the
>>pharmacist and
>>as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed
>>there.
>>She then asked if she could help the gentleman. The cowpoke said
>>that it was
>>something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a
>>male
>>pharmacist.
>>The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely
>>Professional and
>>whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident
>>that she
>>would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
>>The old bronco-buster agreed and began by saying, "This is tough
>>for me to
>>discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of
>>problems and
>>severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me
>>for it.
>>
>>The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
>>When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the
>>absolute
>>best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and
>>$3,000 a
>>month plus living expenses.

2006-07-27 07:02:58 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

An excellent joke sent in by Katastrophy which will make you think.

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: “I will choose my own bride!”
Father: “But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.”
Son: “Well, in that case…ok”

Next: Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: “I have a husband for your daughter.”
Bill Gates: “But my daughter is too young to marry!”
Father: “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.”
Bill Gates: “Ah, in that case…ok”

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.”
President: “But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!”
Father: “But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.”
President: “Ah, in that case…ok”

This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything. But your attitude should be positive.

2006-07-27 06:57:08 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama bin Laden made his way to the pearly gates.

There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America.

As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams "This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?"

2006-07-27 06:48:52 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-27 06:40:06 · 10 answers · asked by Y!um 3

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough
to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by
20-foot room.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak--it explodes.

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4
inches deep.

Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

Super glue is forever.

McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.

No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk
on water.

Pool filters do not like Jello.

VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

The fire department in San Jose has at least a 5-minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

It will, however, make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

2006-07-27 06:37:34 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-27 06:34:01 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Not offensive please ! I am gay !

Girl power !

2006-07-27 06:31:44 · 10 answers · asked by Vasko Bashoski 1

If it makes me laugh I will pick you for best answer

2006-07-27 06:27:46 · 10 answers · asked by bobcatloader 1

2006-07-27 06:26:48 · 10 answers · asked by Danny Tanner Owns You 3

I now find it necessary to post the following warning and disclaimer message with all my questions.

WARNING!
THIS IS A SARCASTIC QUESTION!
IT WAS ONLY DONE AS A JOKE!

<>

My lawyer also suggested to add this:
Timmy the Turd does not suggest or condone underage consumption of alcohol.

2006-07-27 06:21:19 · 11 answers · asked by ? 6

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After buying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable". The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, "comfortable?'"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slow. - - - -
("com-for-da-bul" )

2006-07-27 06:17:29 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

It jumped. He pulled the other leg off and told it to jump. It did. He pulled off both front legs, and told it to jump. It did not jump. In his notes for the experiment he wrote, "When you remove all the legs of a flea it can not hear."

2006-07-27 06:08:14 · 6 answers · asked by NANCY K 6

This is a riddle... sort of more a joke, but all the same, it is a riddle!

2006-07-27 06:06:04 · 4 answers · asked by *(¯`•._.•Jessica•._.•´¯)* 3

ok - just to prove I`m not sexist - first the girls

Why did god invent men?

Cos vibrators can`t mend the car!


Guys turn now

Why is a woman like a carpet??

If you lay her properly the first time you can walk all over her for the rest of your life

2006-07-27 06:04:49 · 9 answers · asked by flicflac 3

I know it's silly but I've always wondered what that means

2006-07-27 06:04:07 · 5 answers · asked by STPM 2