Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

not much to it. i just need a clean joke or riddle and i can choose it as best answer and you can have the ten points.

2006-07-27 02:21:39 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

can anyone tell me?

2006-07-27 02:14:16 · 8 answers · asked by Nando 3

i like chicken but hate the smell i can't stand the smell of cherries and the polish well its horrible
my faivorate smells r coconut and swimming pools
do u like thease smells

2006-07-27 02:11:27 · 8 answers · asked by Chesh » 5

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"




"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."


This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"


The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases - each like a different type of tree. In his twenties, he is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."


"A Christmas tree?"



"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration!!!"

2006-07-27 01:58:23 · 29 answers · asked by gogobanca 4

i have this funny accent i'm british but people say i have American German accent is that ok is it horrible my mum has a German accent and my dad has a American accent what do u think of it sorry u can't hear it

2006-07-27 01:57:32 · 13 answers · asked by Chesh » 5

D A N S U O T

2006-07-27 01:46:12 · 12 answers · asked by miracles 1

2006-07-27 01:37:00 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

The weight in pollen that a bumblebee can carry is equivalent to a sparrow carrying an acoustic guitar.

2006-07-27 01:36:08 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A rottweiler's jaw pressure is equivalent to a duck eating its way through an oak door.

2006-07-27 01:32:35 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

M S U E A

2006-07-27 01:32:24 · 5 answers · asked by miracles 1

2006-07-27 01:31:19 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

once there was teacher who used to taught 2nd graders.

before shifting to grade three teacher and students has a group photo.
when photo was out of camera she showed to class.
she was pointing at picture and saying look this is billy he is doctor after 15 years and this is sara a lawyer,

there wasa kids which teacher didnt like, she point at his picture and said look at 15 year he will be old.

at very same moment that student replied while pointing at teachers picture that look its miss jane she will dead after 15 years.

2006-07-27 01:25:57 · 13 answers · asked by Fishi 3

what money would u have left.hurry 4 the best aanswer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-27 01:15:48 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 LADIES IN A HOT TUB

THREE WOMEN -- ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE GERMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEPING STOPPED THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.

"THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE JAPANESE WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE Of TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER BEHIND. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FINALLY SAID,

"WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT, I'M GETTIN' A FAX."

2006-07-27 01:12:05 · 14 answers · asked by Tragic Remedy 2

Any justifications?

2006-07-27 01:08:18 · 3 answers · asked by padogi dogie lang 2

Willys cynical thought for the day;

I don't know about anybody else but I remember when calling a senator, representative, mayor w/e cheap was a major insult. Look at your taxes now is that caused by 'cheap' politicians you tell me? I only wish the assholes were worth a tenth of what we dummy's freaking pay em!

Ok this actually happened to me; a few days before my b-day, last year in the mail, I got a T-shirt, black with "F@*$ Me It's My Birthday" in big white letters on the front. This was from a girl I met online, I liked the shirt so I wore it. A few days, after B-day, I went to the Post Office wearing that shirt to send stuff to her! Anyway I go into the PO and, I'm known in there BTW, there were 3 people behind me in line. I get to the window and the guy says, "Happy birthday!" I tell him, "It ain't my birthday." "He says, "I know," and in a lower tone of voice says, "I'm not gonna F@*k you either!" I just laughed! LOL Now what would your reaction be if the same thing happened to you?

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-27 00:47:15 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Old Miss Hubbard
went to the cupboard
to give her ol' dog a bone,
she bent over, oh god, Rover took over
Oh' she got a bone of her own ..

Mary mary
quite contrary
trim that puXXy
it's so darn hairy

lmao..

lmao..

2006-07-27 00:43:51 · 9 answers · asked by gorgeoushunk 2

Whats your favourite top tip ?
Mine has got to be this one.
COMMUTERS. When you leave your house, sprint the first 200 yards and then revert back to your regular walking speed. This will save you from having to do the run of shame for the bus nearer the stop and look like a fool when you miss it.

2006-07-27 00:13:21 · 9 answers · asked by India 55 5

2006-07-27 00:05:15 · 16 answers · asked by XXQUXX 1

i just thought it would be a funny question to ask people.

2006-07-26 23:58:07 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

if he fell in a vat of acid?

2006-07-26 23:47:44 · 9 answers · asked by klunk 3

The range of 8 inches long. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes. Is usually fund hung, dangling ready, loosely for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and small hole at the other. In use, it is inserted almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally drawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy white sticky substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces and the opening and some of from it’s long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready yet for another bit of action hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less.

WHAT AM I???????
AS YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY
GUESSED,
THE
ANSWER !
TO
THE
RIDDLE
IS
NONE OTHER THAN YOUR VERY OWN..........

2006-07-26 23:46:45 · 9 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said, "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three?"

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a fine job. What comes after ten?"

"A jack."

2006-07-26 23:42:50 · 17 answers · asked by Fresh 1

A Grundo, a Gnorbu, a Gelert, and a Grarrl need to walk from Sakhmet to Qasala during a really bad heat wave. The heat is so bad, it's not possible to cross the open desert without some sort of shade. Fortunately, they have one umbrella. Unfortunately, however, only a maximum of two pets at a time can fit under the umbrella. The Grundo can cross the desert alone in 20 minutes. The Gnorbu can make the crossing alone in 16 minutes. The Grarrl can make the crossing alone in 8 minutes. And the Gelert can make the crossing in 4 minutes. Note that when two pets are making the crossing, they must do so at the pace of the slower pet!

What is the minimum number of minutes that it will take for all of the pets to safely be together in Qasala?

Do you know the answer?!?
(Please use keywords, and keep guesses under 50 characters)

2006-07-26 23:33:06 · 12 answers · asked by i like cheese 2

Daft Request I Know

2006-07-26 23:18:02 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

a dead end job?!
I know it's lame, but it's better than some of the rubbish i've seen on here - admittedly most by me!

2006-07-26 22:53:42 · 10 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

ok.answer this with:YES or NO._____I AM NOT A NORMAL PERSON.

2006-07-26 22:52:23 · 53 answers · asked by frauline2470 2

A Golden Retriever

2006-07-26 22:50:25 · 25 answers · asked by themaverick79 1

A man walks into a car dealership and notices the car of his dreams. He walks over to inspect the car and as he leans down to feel the fine leather upholstry, he breaks wind. Nervously, he looks around to see if anyone noticed. Just then a salesman approahes the man and asks, "How can I help you today, sir?"
The man asks, "How much for this car?"
The salesman replies, "Frankly sir, I'd rather not say."
The man asks, "Why not?"
The salesman says, "I f you farted just touching it, you're gonna s h i t when you hear the price."

2006-07-26 22:46:58 · 20 answers · asked by Bubba 3

2006-07-26 22:40:24 · 7 answers · asked by The Kid 2