give me a good CLEAN joke to earn ten points?

Question

not much to it. i just need a clean joke or riddle and i can choose it as best answer and you can have the ten points.

Answer 1

During the times of the crusades, a christian man is being chased down an alley by a lion who escaped fighting. The chirstian man is praying up a storm..."Dear God save me!" "Dear god please help me!" "Dear lord please make this lion a christian!" At that very moment, the lion stops in its tracks and the man stares in awe at the miracle God had given him... and then he hears the lion say. "dear Lord thank you for this meal I am about to recieve...."

Answer 2

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it onto the bayou bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts, "This one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Answer 3

Mary Sue was visiting the big city for the first time. She checks into her hotel and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him.

"Young man -- I may be old and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid! I paid *good* money and this room won't do at ALL! It's too small, there's no ventilation, no TV -- there's not even a BED!"

"Ma'am, this is the elevator."

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

Answer 4

What do you do when your chair breaks?
Call a chairman.

How does a pig go to hospital?
In a hambulance.

What bird can lift the most?
A crane.

What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A piano.

What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.

What can you hold without ever touching it?
A conversation.
What clothes does a house wear?
Address.
What country makes you shiver?
Chile.

Answer 5

A blonde, brunette, and redhead were stranded on a deserted island. The redhead decided to try and swim back to humanity, but got eatten by a shark 1/3 of the way there. The brunette tried to swim back, but drowned 3/4 of the way there. The blonde also attempted to swim back. She got 1/2 way there, got tired so she swam back.

A blonde, brunette, and redhead were all stranded on a deserted island. All of a sudden, a Jeannie pops up out of nowhere. He grants each woman one wish. The redhead wished to go back home to Iowa. The brunette wished to see the city ligts of Paris. The blonde got lonely, and wished to have her friends back.

Answer 6

Sorry Flamingo, these other guys beat me to giving you a clean joke. I must have been as fast as a herd of snails stampeding through butter!

Answer 7

A man was upstairs at home on his deathbed. All of the sudden, he could smell fresh-baked cookies. He called to his wife to bring him his favorite treat, but she couldn't hear him, so he slowly made his way out of bed. He inched his way to the stairs, and slowly descended to the kitchen where the aroma was coming from. When he finally made it, he said "Oh, honey, I could smell your cookies and I just had to have one!" As he reached out to take a hot, fresh cookie, his wife slapped his hand and replied" No, no, those are for the funeral!"
A priest told me that....NO kidding!

Answer 8

>One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a
>little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey
>kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" "No, I
>don't," said the little boy. "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing
>your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work."
>Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it
>out!
>It's a piece of ***!"

Answer 9

Mother Teresa's Lunch With God


Mother Teresa died and went to heaven.

God greets her at the Pearly Gates. "Are you hungry, Mother Teresa?" says God.

"I could eat," Mother Teresa replies.

So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it.

While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remains quiet.The next day God again invites her to join Him for a meal.

Again, it is tuna and rye bread.

Once again, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates.

Still she says nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrives and another can of tuna is opened.

She can't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she says: "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with You as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread, and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand."

God sighs. "Let's be honest," He says. "For just two people, does it pay to cook?"

Answer 10

A lady was taking a shower and the doorbell rang. It was a couple. She put on her bathrobe and opened the door. "Aren't you going to congratulate us? We just got married!" The lady said congrats and went back inside. 5 minutes later, the doorbell rang again. It was a race car driver. She put on her bathrobe and opened the door. "Aren't you going to congratulate me? I just won a race!" The lady said congrats and went back inside. 3 minutes later the doorbell rang again! It was the blind man. The lady didn't put on her bathrobe this time because the man couldn't she her. "Aren't you going to congratulate me?" the man said. "I can see again!"

Three men were out in the middle of the ocean. One was chinese, one was spanish, and one was american. The chinese man said, "I have too much of these in my country!" and threw down some rice. The spanish man said, "I have too much of these in my country!" and threw down some tamales. The american man didn't have anything but he said, "I have too much of these in my country!!!" and threw down the spanish man.