anyone got a joke to make a sad guy smile?

Answer 1

Why can't smokey bear's wife get pregnant? because every time she goes into heat he beats her with a shovel

a joke that is a little sad but it's all i have :(

Answer 2

A man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going overseas on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The man replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Answer 3

check this out....hope it works....

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Answer 4

this is a joke i know

A little boy is told by his mother to follow his sister and her boyfriend on a stroll in the woods “to find out what they are doing.”
Next day he reports, “Well, I watched them for a while, but they began to take their pants off.

I figured they were going to take a [s]hit.

I didn’t have to, so I came home.”

Answer 5

Two old buddies go hunting.

After walking for awhile one of the guys suddenly collapses and goes into cardiac arrest.

The other guy quickly calls 9-1-1.

The 9-1-1 operator answers, "What's the emergency?"

The guy says, "My buddy and I were walking and he had a heart attack. I think he's dead, what should I do?"

The 9-1-1 operator asks, "Well, first, make sure he's dead."

A moment of silence is followed by a gunshot.

"OK" the guy says, "now what?"

Answer 6

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "are they all yours?"

Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.

Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names." 'This one's my oldest; he is Leroy."

"OK, and who's next?"

Well, this one, he is Leroy, also."

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues.

One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?"

Their momma replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an they all comes a runnin. An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

Then I call them by their last names."

Answer 7

Did you hear about the circus fire?

Yeah, it was intense (in tents).

Go buy some Laffy Taffy and laugh at the horrible jokes on the wrapper.

Answer 8

I'm not good with jokes (I never remember the punchline) but maybe you can go for a walk outside and appreciate nature and that might lift your mood!

Answer 9

What's worse than a dead baby?..... A PILE of dead babies!
What's worse than that?... The one on the bottom is alive!
What's worse than that?... He has to eat his way out!
What's worse than that?... He comes back for seconds!

Go watch a Val Kilmer movie... Top Secret! or Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang should do...

Answer 10

A man marries a woman ..........and someone (the guy that knocked her up) lived happily ever after!