2006-07-26 12:38:41 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A cowboy riding thru the desert one day, suddenly surrounded by a band of renegade Indian warriors, they capture him, take him bak to their camp. The Chief teels the cowboy "We are going to kill you, that is our policy, but we will grant you 3 days to make your peace with whomever u need to. And we will grant u 3 wishes , 1 each day before you die., What is your wish for today?"
The cowboy asks to see his horse. When the horse is brought to him, he whispers in the horses ear, and the horse runs out of the camp, only to return 3 hours later with abeautiful, nude brunette on its back. The chief is amazed, but allows the woman into the cowboys tent. Next morning, the chief asks again, and again the cowboy asks for his horse, whispers into the horses ear, and again the horse takes off, only to return 3 hours later with a beautiful nude blonde on its back. Again the chief allows the woman into the tent. On the final day the chief asks again, and again the horse is brought. This time however, the cowboy does not whisper..he leans forward, smacks the horse on the nose and shouts "I said "POSSE, you stupid nag..POSSE"
2006-07-26 12:45:20 · answer #1 · answered by no nickname 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hi this is one of my fav, hope you like it ;-)
In the beginning, The Lord God Almighty, sitting on His throne on high, turned to His mate, the Archangel Gabriel and said "Gabby, today I'm going to create Scotland. I will make it a country of dark beautiful mountains, purple glens and rich green forests. I will give it clear swift flowing rivers and I will fill them with salmon. The land shall be lush and fertile, on which the people shall grow barley to brew into an amber nectar that will be much sought after the world over. Underneath the land I shall lay rich seams of coal.
In the waters around the shores there will be an abundance of fish and beneath the sea bed there will be vast deposits of oil and gas".
"Excuse me Sire", interrupted the Archangel Gabriel, "Don't you think you are being a bit too generous to these Scots"?
"Not really", replied the Lord, "wait 'til you see the neighbours I'm giving them".
2006-07-26 19:49:27 · answer #2 · answered by simi1808 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A snail is making his way through the woods when he is mugged by two slugs. He goes to the woodland police station to report the crime and, still in some considerable distress, is interviewed by the duty sergeant (probably a squirrel).
In an effort to restore order, the sergeant says "Please calm down Mr Snail! It's important that you give us as much information as you can about your attackers so they can't do this sort of thing again. Now did you get a good look at their faces?"
The snail replies, "I'm sorry, I didn't - it all happened so quickly!"
2006-07-26 20:08:20 · answer #3 · answered by giko 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GEORGE BUSH AND THE DEVIL
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.
"I'm not sure what to do," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, so I'm going to have to let someone else go. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."
George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room and in it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could stay in hot water all day."
The devil led him to the next room. In It was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, swing, swing, time after time.
"No!" I've got a problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day." commented George.
The devil opened a third door. In it was Bill Clinton lying on a bed with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in a spread-eagled pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I reckon I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said, "Ok, Monica, you're free to go!"
2006-07-26 23:13:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay this widow was having a really hard time with her recent husbands death.. so she decided to go see a therapist about it. When she got to the therapist she started talking about all her problems and everything she missed about her husbands.. she then reveals that she misses her most recent husband the MOST. The therapist asks her how many husbands she's had and she says three. So they start talking about her sex life with all three and the therapist asks her how the sex was and to compare the three men. The woman says " well my first husband was a psychologist so all he ever wanted to do was TALK about it , and my second husband was a gynocologist so all he ever wanted to do was LOOK at it... and well.. my third husband... the one who just died.. well.. he was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was.. OH I MISS MY THIRD HUSBAND! "
alright. its not that good.. but at least it gave me something to type.
2006-07-26 19:44:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There was a wall between Heaven and Hell. God and the devil got into an argument about who's responsibility it was to repair it. The devil said, "Well, I am going to hire a lawyer and take you to court?" God answered, "I'll hire a lawyer and take YOU to court!" The devil laughed, Where are you going to find a lawyer on YOUR side of the wall?"
2006-07-26 19:49:55 · answer #6 · answered by Susie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: What is the best thing about 28-year-olds?
A: There are 20 of them! Ha Ha Ha
2006-07-26 19:41:20 · answer #7 · answered by Samuel_311_fan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The penis says to the testicles, "Hey wanna go to a party?" The testicles both reply "NO!". The penis asks "Why not?" The testicles reply, "Because the last time we went to a party with you, you went on inside and left us outside knocking."
(Was that a pedophile joke samuel? lol)
2006-07-26 19:41:44 · answer #8 · answered by thebigtverberg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How many guys does it take to srew in a light bulb?
2!
Get it? 2!
Whatever.
You don't know funny.
2006-07-26 19:43:04 · answer #9 · answered by Taliea2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No...hahahahahahahahaha
2006-07-26 19:40:44 · answer #10 · answered by Ricknows 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋