Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

or at least confuseing them

2006-07-01 12:26:05 · 8 answers · asked by macgyver 1

Amute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.


Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

2006-07-01 12:23:52 · 12 answers · asked by gia147 1

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

2006-07-01 12:15:48 · 29 answers · asked by gia147 1

can i have some creative and comedy answers please need a laugh!

2006-07-01 12:00:53 · 51 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-01 11:48:35 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

if a man is born in albino grows up in america works in austrailia vacations in austria and dies back in america .. what is he ??

2006-07-01 11:32:58 · 20 answers · asked by grizzgoal 2

A man walks into his doctors office because he has been feeling terrible.After running some tests his doctor tells him the worst news,he has a terminal disease with no cure and only a few months to live."Is there nothing you can do for me?" says the man,to which his doctor replies "yes,there is one thing you could do,go to one of those beauty spas everyday and have yourself a relaxing mud bath".Do you think that will help me? says the man,to which his doctor replies "No,not at all,but you'll be use to the dirt !"

2006-07-01 11:26:20 · 10 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

a newlywed was waiting for her husband to come home from work. Her mother in law came to visit unexpectedly and found that she was nude.

I'm sorry but you will have to leave, John will home any minute.

Well, why are you nude?

This is my love dress.

Well the mother in law decided she'd try it also. So she went home and waited for husband in the nude.

When he came in he asked. What the hell are you doing?

It's my love dress, do you like it?

Well maybe you should've ironed it first......

2006-07-01 11:21:40 · 9 answers · asked by xxxx 2

Cards You'll Never See In Hallmark


"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't
help but wonder:.............
What was I thinking?"

"Congratulations on your wedding day!.............
Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful you............
have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.....
After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...........
I never believed in Hell until I met you."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am.......
that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!!..........
I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Before you go,.........
I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll
probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married............
but not to you."

"You look great for your age.......
Almost Lifelike!"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.........
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your
promise."

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best
friend.......
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very long time...........
What do you say we call it quits?"

"I'm so miserable without you..................
It's almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...............
Did you ever find out who the father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and
there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
birthday......
So we're having you put to sleep."

2006-07-01 11:07:12 · 14 answers · asked by Texas_at_its_best 4

yo momma so fat when she went swimming at the gulf of Mexico and when she farted it was named hurricane Katrina

yo momma so poor she walking down the street with on shoe and somebody goes up and asks her "hey, did u loose a shoe?" she says "no, i just found one!"

yo momma so ugly she went to a haunted house and she came out with a job application

Yo mama's so stupid, she saw a billboard that said "Dodge Trucks" and she started ducking through traffic.

Yo mama's so stupid, when she took you to the airport and a sign said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home.

Yo mama's so ugly, she could only be Yo mama.

Yo mama's so ugly, people go as her for Halloween

Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.

Yo mama's so old, when she was in school there was no history class.

yo mama's so stupid she used deodorant as her lipstick and she keeps saying " why doesn't my new jumbo lipstick work?"

yo momma so fat she steps on a scale and it says to be continued

2006-07-01 11:07:08 · 11 answers · asked by ♥*~me~*♥ 3

A slice of buttered bread, when dropped, will always land butter-
side down.

When you need an item that is in a heap, it will always be the one
at the bottom.

Buses take ages to arrive, but when they do they always arrive in
sets of three (in Britain "you wait ages for a bus, then two come
along at once!"). There actually is a logical explanation for this:
the first bus is slowed down because of the time needed to let
passengers get on and off. The subsequent busses are (typically) not
allowed to pass the first bus, so you tend to end up with a full bus
followed by a line of empty ones.

The day you forget your umbrella, it pours with rain.

When graphing, the graph paper is always one square too small for
the perfect scale

When caught in a traffic jam, the lane that you are in will always
be the slowest to move. (This joke was played out in the opening
sequence of the film Office Space, where one of the main characters
changed lanes multiple times, all in vain as the traffic around him
moved.) This also has a logical explanation. In general, the lane
with the fewest cars in it is most likely to move the fastest.
Therefore, since you're statistically more likely to be one of the
members of the lane with the most cars, your lane will more often
than not be the slow one.

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Everything takes longer than you think. Or, everything takes twice
as long as it should; excepting that which appears easy, taking
three times as long.

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible
time.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one
that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

If something simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a
procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way,
unprepared for, will promptly develop.

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so
ingenious.

Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done
first.

Every solution breeds new problems.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

Junk will grow to fill the available cupboard space.

All small objects of value will disappear when set down.

Magellan's Allegory: If you stop and ask someone for directions, and
they tell you "You can't miss it"... then be assured that you will.

If you make it idiot-proof, someone will make a better idiot.

The light at the end of the tunnel is that of an oncoming train.

When you put your pants on without looking — they will always be on
backwards.

A series of events will go wrong in the most negative sequence.

Airline Travel Variation: The time you have to catch a flight is
inversely proportional to the distance to the gate.

50/50/90-If there is a 50/50 chance to get it right, there is a 90%
chance that you will get it wrong.

Nothing ever gets built to budget or to deadline (also known as
Cheop's Law).

Good/Fast/Cheap - If you need something good fast, it won't be
cheap. If you need something cheap fast, it won't be good. If you
need something good cheap, it won't be fast.

2006-07-01 11:05:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

fin out what all of these are

57 h v
13 s and 50 s on the f
51 s in the u s
1 p on a t t
and last but not least
6 h p on the i in a s includeing the g (about hockey)

2006-07-01 11:01:25 · 12 answers · asked by grizzgoal 2

76 T's in the BP

2006-07-01 10:54:51 · 8 answers · asked by buffy Fan 2

2006-07-01 10:53:47 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-01 10:49:02 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

same shovels,same level of fitness,ect

2006-07-01 10:39:35 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tell me a good joke.

2006-07-01 10:20:53 · 20 answers · asked by GrabSomeEyes 2

Okay.

There's a man in a saloon. He lies on the floor dead, a bullet hole in his chest, and 53 Bicycles on top of him. A table is knocked over next to him. He was murdered. How did he die, and why?

Hints: There are clues within the story, and everything is spelled correctly and appropriately. You can tell everything from the information above. (A saloon is like a bar.) And, the Bicycles were not thrown on him. They fell onto him.

2006-07-01 10:10:36 · 18 answers · asked by reason_needed 1

The taste.

2006-07-01 10:02:40 · 12 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

2006-07-01 09:55:49 · 4 answers · asked by sexymonkey 2

It has happened 5 times in history but will not happen after that in about 7000 years.

2006-07-01 09:51:38 · 10 answers · asked by Rick61977 2

WHEN ppl go like wanna cookie?? hear it over and over but no ones ever told me wat it means everytime i ask they just make fun of me as if i should know this but i just dont get it .... no im not dumb :(

2006-07-01 09:50:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

plz dont report me, i have imp stuff on my account, too many reports delete my account, ill take it off if it offends u

2006-07-01 09:47:41 · 6 answers · asked by Nameless K 2

Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

(SEE BELOW)


HOW MANY ?









WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.


The reasoning behind is
The brain cannot process "OF".

Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
or a lier have a go be honist

2006-07-01 09:18:36 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

OK!!!

No peeking at the answer!!!!!!
I will award the person who makes me laugh most with the 10 points.

A plane crashes on the borderline between Canada and the United States.
Where do you bury the survivors?
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>YOU HAVE COMMITTED MURDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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>CAUSE YOU SHOULDN"T BURY SURVIVORS!!!!!!!

2006-07-01 09:09:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a warrior of wonders born

to lords as a use, from two silent ones,

he is extended brightly, that in a war draws

an enemy to his enemy. Though very strong,

woman can bind him; he serves them well,

an obedient slave,

if men and women attend to him,

feed him fittingly, to them he gives prosperity

in life's favors. Cruelty rewards

those that let him become proud.

What is he?

2006-07-01 08:59:24 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

how does this work i cant figure it out its 1 of those riddle things

2006-07-01 08:58:41 · 16 answers · asked by savvy 3

There is a warrior of wonders born

to lords as a use, from two silent ones,

he is extended brightly, that in a war draws

an enemy to his enemy. Though very strong,

woman can bind him; he serves them well,

an obedient slave,

if men and women attend to him,

feed him fittingly, to them he gives prosperity

in life's favors. Cruelty rewards

those that let him become proud.

What is he?

2006-07-01 08:56:07 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

does anyone here know any good ur momma jokes or blonde GUY jokes or like u might be a redneck if type of jokes

2006-07-01 08:49:20 · 6 answers · asked by Louie_Girl_forever 2

now dont go asking whats the question as plenty of you seem to do
The answer is BE HAPPY think of your own question to suit.
good night all

2006-07-01 08:46:57 · 10 answers · asked by itsa o 6