i wanta gimme some funny jokes?

Question

plz dont report me, i have imp stuff on my account, too many reports delete my account, ill take it off if it offends u

Answer 1

Yo mammas so dumb she got hit by a parked car.

Why did the hedgehog cross the road,,,Because it was stappled to the chicken...

Why did the condom fly aroud the room,,,,Because it was pi***d off.

Answer 2

A Engineer dies and goes to heaven,
when he arrives at the gates he
is told there was a mixup
and he was supposed to go to hell.
So he gets in the elevator
and is instantly transported to hell.
After a few days the engineer
decides hell needs soom fixing
up so he
installs some faucets with cold icewater,
a swimming pool, and best
of all AIR CONDITIONING!
A week later the Devil receives a phone call from god,
God tells him
there has been a mistake,
the engineer was supposed to be in heaven.
The Devil grins and says,
"Well its too late, we have him and we are
going to keep him."
God thinks for a minute and replies, " I'll sue!"
The devil respones with a loud burst of laugher,
"ahhhHA HA,
youwhowho, HEEHEEHEE!
Where are YOU going to get the lawyers!"

Answer 3

Behind the Hedge


This man had been having a few beers down at the neighbourhood bar. It was dark out and he was walking home by a park when nature called so he stepped behind a hedge to relieve himself. To his and their surprise a couple were going at it on the grass and he almost stepped on them. The guy got up and took off running.

The man could see the naked outline of the gals bare legs as she continued to lie there while he relieved himself. He could feel his interest grow as he finished. Without a word he got down on his knees between her legs and took advantage of the situation. She embraced him and showed her willingness.

Just as they were both getting into it hot and heavy a cop walked by and shined his flashlight on them saying, "What the hell do you think your doing, this is a public park."

The man said, "But officer this is my wife."

The officer said, "Oh, I didn't know she was your wife."

The man said, "Neither did I 'till you shined your light on her."


Condom Buying


A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out and I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that.

Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He leans over to her and says...
"You never told me that your father is a pharmacist!"

Answer 4

Learn to speak and write decent English, would be a step in the right direction to keep from getting reported.

Answer 5

Here are a few things to think about:
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Can you cry under water?


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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


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Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?


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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?


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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


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What disease did cured ham actually have?


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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?


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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?


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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.


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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?


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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?


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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?


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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!


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If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?


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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?


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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?


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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?


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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?


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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Answer 6

okay so a guy loves his girlfriend wnedy SOOOO much that he gets her name tatood on his penis, well they end up getting married and they go on their honeymoon to jamaca, the man excuses himself to use the restroom, and while in there he sees a native using the urinal next to him and notices his penis says wendy also, the guy goes oh your girls name is wendy too? and the jamacan grabs the tip of his penis pulls it out all the way and say "no it says welcome to jamaca man have a nice day"