Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

We saw this in the previous riddle:

What does the vampire like to do when he is in art class?
A: He likes to draw blood!

Heh. What is even more interesting is that alot of girls seems to have a "thing" for vampires. I am just happy, then, that they don't exist... hehe.. Ok. Time for today's riddle:

what do you call a lobster that doesn't share?

Have fun!

2006-07-01 19:32:36 · 18 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

what did the nymphomaniac say when her dog started licking her face?

2006-07-01 19:26:44 · 3 answers · asked by Maria 2

What do you call blondes in a freezer?

2006-07-01 19:23:31 · 14 answers · asked by Maria 2

2006-07-01 19:10:34 · 14 answers · asked by joe man 1

What are some of the best numbers to prank call?

2006-07-01 19:04:17 · 9 answers · asked by usangelqtpi 1

2006-07-01 19:03:27 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

To be gold is to be good;
To be stone is to be nothing;
To be glass is to be fragile;
To be cold is to be cruel.
If you break me
I do not stop working,
If you touch me
I may be snared,
If you lose me
Nothing will matter.

What am I?

2006-07-01 18:57:50 · 15 answers · asked by Sarah 3

2006-07-01 18:57:17 · 8 answers · asked by MacSteed 7

On their wedding night, this young bride told her husband.

"Since we're married now, we can arrange our sex life like this: In the evening, if my hair is done, that means I don't want sex at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not have sex. And if my hair is completely undone, that means I want sex."
"Okay sweetheart," the groom replied. "Just make sure, when I come home, I usually have a drink. If I have only one drink, that means I don't want sex. If I have two drinks, I may or may not want sex. But if I have three drinks, your hair doesn't matter."

2006-07-01 18:45:19 · 14 answers · asked by Pd 6

And the other person responds, "Sure, fire away." Um, should you shoot them? I mean, would that be okay under the circumstances? Or am I being too literal? ;-)

2006-07-01 18:41:12 · 19 answers · asked by MacSteed 7

You know the jokes that go - Did you hear I almost got suspended for bringing these guns to school? (flexing follows) - or - Do you have a bandaid? Cause I'm cut. (more flexing)

Anyone got some really good ones?

2006-07-01 18:26:11 · 4 answers · asked by misslippy112 1

2006-07-01 18:14:17 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I think I've lost my charm does any one have any jokes that rofl and not just plain corny?

2006-07-01 18:08:11 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Greece (grease)

2006-07-01 18:08:10 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

I know the real answer...Do you?

2006-07-01 18:02:37 · 9 answers · asked by mirkurie 1

1.) What would you use for a snow mans nose if you had any choice whatsoever.
2.) what would you throw across the room that hit the wall and made it all icky.LOL
3.) who is your GOD
4.) what would you do to your mom given and any choice whatesover
5.) why do you want to live as of right now ( sounds crazy sorry I wont kill anyone dont worry)jk
now i will be serious(riddles)
6.) If the bible was cheese what kind would it be.
7.) what came first the chicken or the egg?
8.)what comes after two duckes.
9.)what does this realy mean
A dog with tomatos and seeds(ec)
10.)hold up two fingers on each hand how many fingers do you have?
11.) If rabbits did not exist then the thing that i wear around my neck would not give me good luck what is it?
12.) what is my email address
13.) What state and hometown are you from
14.) Ever you ever took a drug!
15.) last but not least what is grandmothers entire name!
lol thanks for playing

2006-07-01 17:47:10 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You basta*d."
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother in-law to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You God damned basta*d."
The judge stops, and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that a problem?"
The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "For fifteen years, I've lived next door to that basta*d, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

2006-07-01 17:43:57 · 23 answers · asked by Pd 6

There is one word in this puzzle which is spelled incorrectly. Can you find it?

business, coffee, rhythm, sincerely

2006-07-01 17:43:15 · 15 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

what do you sit on, sleep on and brush your teeth with?

2006-07-01 17:37:29 · 6 answers · asked by scratchwhiplash 5

How does Micheal Jackson pick his nose?

2006-07-01 17:28:03 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

The man who invented it doesn't want it. The man who bought it doesn't need it. The man who needs it doesn't know it. What is it?.................. THIS IS SO EASY!

2006-07-01 17:17:34 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I can only remember a tid bit of this riddle, but I was wondering if anyone heard of it, knows what the riddle is and the answer.
It mentioned a 4 letter word, that yoiu can't live with out, men fear it,......so on and so on, they asked kindergarteners this question and most of them got it correct, but grown adults missed it most of the time. Its bugging me, I want to know the question and answer. Thanks

2006-07-01 17:17:09 · 6 answers · asked by Havahekuvaday 2

Would you rather a crocodile attack you or an alligator?

2006-07-01 17:06:42 · 16 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Are you good at math? Complete the last two in this sequence: 1=3, 2=3, 3=5, 4=4, 5=4, 6=3, 7=5, 8=5, 9=4, 10=3, 11=?, 12=?

2006-07-01 17:03:20 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. no flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight
2. if you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal
3. if you arrive veery early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed
4. flights never leave from gate #1 at any terminal in the world
5. if you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper
6. if you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. just look for the two largest and noisest passengers
7. only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the toilet
8. the crying baby on board your flights is always sated next to you
9. the best looking woman/man on your flight is always seated next to you
10. the less carry on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry on luggage passengers will bring aboard

2006-07-01 17:02:56 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

What English word is nine letters long, and can remain an English word at each step as you remove one letter at a time, right down to a single letter. List the letter you remove each time and the words that result at each step

2006-07-01 16:59:38 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young man moved into a new apartment on his own, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!"

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere! How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming? That was me.

2006-07-01 16:56:53 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner."This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.

"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).

That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.

"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.

So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.

"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.

Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."

2006-07-01 16:54:39 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. i believe that if anyting is worth doing, it would have been done already
2. i shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses
3. i will never rush into a job without a liftime of consideration
4. i shall meet all of my deadlines at work and at hame directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury i could expect to recieve from missing them
5. i truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given
6. i firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations
7. if at first 1 dont succed, there is always next year. and if not next year, the year after that
8. i shall always decided not to decide, unless of course i decide to change my mind
9. i shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when i get around to it

2006-07-01 16:47:59 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

what came first...
the chicken or the egg and why?

2006-07-01 16:39:44 · 7 answers · asked by il padrino 3