Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

1. as i let go of my feelings of guilt, i am in touch with my inner sociopath
2. i have the power to channel my imagination into ever soaring levelsof suspicion and paranoia
3. i assume full responsibilty for my actions, except the ones that are someone elses fault
4. i no longer need to punish, decieve, or compromise myself, unless i want to stay employed
5. in some coulters what i do would be considered normal
6. having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others
7. my intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self judgement
8. i honor my personaltiy flaws for without them i would have no personality at all
9. joan of arc heard voices to
10. i am grateful that i am judgemental as all those censorious, self righteous people around me
11. i need not suffer in silence while i can still moan, whimper, and complain
12. as i learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet

2006-07-02 07:37:36 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are three words in the English language that end with 'gry'. Two of these are angry and hungry. The third word is a very common word, and you use it often. If you have read what I have told you, you will see that I have given you the third word. What is the third word? Think very carefully."

2006-07-02 07:36:23 · 13 answers · asked by buster 2

so there was this sign in the window of a business, the sign said "we would rather do business with 1000 Al Qaeda terrorists than with on single american", what business would have the nerve to put such a sign in their window, but thats just my opinion, you would think that this sign would have raised controversy and the national guard would have to be called in to retain the crowds from stomping all over this business, but to your amazement there is no controversy, so have you guessed what kind of business it is?
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>>>>>>Answer: A Funeral Home
(Who said morticians have no sense of humor)

God bless america!

2006-07-02 07:34:35 · 5 answers · asked by combat_killer 2

2006-07-02 07:29:44 · 14 answers · asked by frenchvanilla414@sbcglobal.net 3

Dialogues from a standard 3 class room (between two students Tom the smart and Johnny the genius & the teacher)
Tom: Teacher, teacher; is the bus is male or female?
Teacher: Hmm… (Thinks…)
Johnny: It’s female
Tom: But y Johnny?
Johnny: B-coz everybody enters in it.
Teacher is in trouble while Tom in doubt hearing this answer.
Tom: If bus is female and everybody enters in then y bus do not get pregnant?
Johnny: B-coz all enters from back door.
Teacher is now in deep trouble while Tom becomes more curious.
Tom insists: But driver and the checker enter from front door?
Johnny: You didn’t notice ever!! They wear hat before entering.

2006-07-02 07:29:12 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

i bet u r a butthole, but its ok bc i still like u...haha not LOSER =P

2006-07-02 07:15:46 · 14 answers · asked by LAguNA BEach! 2

1. silence, the final frontier: where no women has gone before
2. the undiscovered side of banking: making deposits
3. bathroom etiquette 1: men need space in the bathroom cabinet to
4. bathroom etiquette 2: get your own razor
5. parties: going without new outfits
6. communication skills 1: tears: the last resort, not the first
7. communication skills 2: thinking before speaking
8. communication skills 3: getting what you want without nagging
9. introduction to parking
10. advanced parking 101: attempting the parallel park
11. advanced parking 102: attempting the parallel park without guidance from passers by
12. cookng 1: bringing back bacon,eggs and butter
13, cooking 2: bran and tofu are not for human consumption
14. cooking 3: how not to inflict your diets on other people
15. compliements: accepting them gracefully
16. pms: your problem... not his
17. dancing: why men dont like to
18. classic clothing: wearing outfits you already have in your wardrobe

2006-07-02 06:56:03 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Good job!! You're STILL falling for that free ipod gag. LOL! some people never learn.

2006-07-02 06:41:47 · 8 answers · asked by AmericanPatriot 3

2006-07-02 06:27:10 · 8 answers · asked by El Mariachi 4

2006-07-02 05:55:58 · 9 answers · asked by shortyduwap22kp 2

A mean, ugly, nasty woman walks into walmart with her two kids, and the walmart greeter asks " are those twins?" and the woman says "no, they are 5 and 8 years old and they don't even look alike why would you ask that?" and the greeter says "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.

2006-07-02 05:08:44 · 30 answers · asked by melbow35 2

2006-07-02 05:07:33 · 21 answers · asked by taffandjean 2

2006-07-02 04:52:22 · 12 answers · asked by bobbydennis352005 2

I would personally like to be creamated.... but with a twist....




dress me in combat boots, camo pants, and a Metallica t-shirt. Strap me to the hood of a cherried out 1969 z28 camaro. Douse the whole thing in gasoline, set it on fire, put a brick on the accelorator, pop the gearshift into drive then watch me careen down the dragstrip in excess of 150 mph all the while AC/DC is on the side performing Hells Bells as the car smashes into a wall of dynamite resulting in one massive fiery explosion of epic proportions!

well thats just what i"d like. What about you??

2006-07-02 04:50:57 · 14 answers · asked by AmericanPatriot 3

Tell me a (clean) Filipino joke

2006-07-02 04:38:31 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Funny Bushisms: The Funniest, Saddest and Scariest Mangled Statements and quotes by President George W. Bush



Bushisms: Funniest Mistakes, Blunders, Bloopers and quotes by George W. Bush

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004


"That's why I went to the Congress last September and proposed fundamental—supplemental funding, which is money for armor and body parts and ammunition and fuel." --George W. Bush, Erie, Pa., Sept. 4, 2004



"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." —Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001


"There's an old...saying in Tennessee...I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee that says Fool me once...(3 second pause)... Shame on...(4 second pause)...Shame on you....(6 second pause)...Fool me...Can't get fooled again." --George W. Bush to Nashville, Tennessee audience, Sept. 17, 2002, MSNBC-TV --Politex, Sept. 17, 2002, 10 PM



"There's no doubt in my mind that we should allow the world worst leaders to hold America hostage, to threaten our peace, to threaten our friends and allies with the world's worst weapons." --George W. Bush, South Bend, Indiana, Sept. 5, 2002.


"As you know, these are open forums, you're able to come and listen to what I have to say." --George W. Bush, 10.28.03.


"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the -- the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice." --Washington, D.C., Oct. 27, 2003 "" --George W. Bush, 10.27.03.


"I know something about being a government. And you've got a good one." --George W. Bush, campaigning for Gov. Mike Huckabee, Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 4, 2002


"We look forward to analyzing and working with legislation that will make--it would hope--put a free press's mind at ease that you're not being denied information you shouldn't see." --G.W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 14, 2005


"I want to thank you for the importance that you've shown for education and literacy." --G.W. Bush, Washington, D.C., April 13, 2005


"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004



"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." —Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001



"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' —Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001



"We both use Colgate toothpaste." —after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Camp David, Md., Feb. 23, 2001


"Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a — you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities."
—Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004


"I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003



"I'm the commander — see, I don't need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." —as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War



"I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." —Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001


“The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." —Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003


"I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." —Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004




"We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." —Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002



"After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!" —Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004


"Do you have blacks, too?" —to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001



"Now, we talked to Joan Hanover. She and her husband, George, were visiting with us. They are near retirement—retiring—in the process of retiring, meaning they're very smart, active, capable people who are retirement age and are retiring."
—Alexandria, Va., Feb. 12, 2003.


"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." —as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002



"I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it…I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet….I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't — you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." —President George W. Bush, after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004



"The really rich people figure out how to dodge taxes anyway." —explaining why high taxes on the rich are a failed strategy, Annandale, Va., Aug. 9, 2004



"...that's just the nature of democracy. Sometimes pure politics enters into the rhetoric."
-George W. Bush, Crawford, Tx., August 8, 2003



"Security is the essential roadblock to achieving
the road map to peace."
-George W. Bush, July 25, 2003



..."It's very interesting when you think about it, the slaves who left here to go to America, because of their steadfast and their religion and their belief in freedom, helped change America."— George W. Bush, Dakar, Senegal, July 8, 2003



"My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire." —radio address, Feb. 24, 2001



"See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don't attack each other. Free nations don't develop weapons of mass destruction."
—Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 3, 2003



"But all in all, it's been a fabulous year for Laura and me." —summing up his first year in office, three
months after the 9/11 attacks,
Washington, D.C., Dec. 20, 2001


"I try to go for longer runs, but it's tough around
here at the White House on the outdoor track. It's
sad that I can't run longer. It's one of the saddest things about the presidency."
—interview with "Runners World," Aug. 2002


"Can we win? I don't think you can win it." —after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, "Today" show interview, Aug. 30, 2004


"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." —Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002


"Perhaps the biggest problem is that we have passed children from grade to grade, year after year, and those -- child hadn't learned the basics of reading and math." —Washington, D.C., Jan. 8, 2003


"One year ago today, the time for excuse-making has come to an end." - —Washington, D.C., Jan. 8, 2003



"I think the American people—I hope the American—I don't think, let me—I hope the American people trust me." -—Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2002


"I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn't do my job." —to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004


"I don't bring God into my life to—to, you know, kind of be a political person." --Interview with Tom Brokaw aboard Air Force One, April 24, 2003


The law I sign today directs new funds and new focus to the task of collecting vital intelligence on terrorist threats and on weapons of mass production." --George W. Bush, White House, Nov. 27, 2002

2006-07-02 03:52:42 · 12 answers · asked by WORD UP G 1

Disclaimer: I do not condone real-life violence against Paris Hilton. Thats why we have questions like this and video games...all for fun and non-profit
(back to the question)
Personally I would use the Barrett 25mm XM109 sniper cannon, its a real cool weapon and Id like to see if there is anything in her head...but a baseball bat would be way cheaper.

2006-07-02 03:39:29 · 24 answers · asked by betterdeadthansorry 5

juan is pedro's father therefore juan is the ____ of pedro's father?

2006-07-02 03:36:50 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-02 03:32:07 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

what can be heard caught but never seen?
Iam an 8 letter word, I start with "E" u can put only 1 letter in me. What am I?

2006-07-02 03:31:02 · 9 answers · asked by Jasmine B 3

click my website.

http://www.riddlesandjokes.com/index.php?site=8251&server=12

2006-07-02 03:25:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-02 03:07:08 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Then what does 60 m in a d stand for..

2006-07-02 02:48:34 · 10 answers · asked by Bob The Builder 5

Make up* a lame excuse!!

2006-07-02 02:40:53 · 66 answers · asked by Aaron 1

2006-07-02 02:30:22 · 53 answers · asked by Aaron 1

I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered
what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

2006-07-02 02:24:19 · 7 answers · asked by X P 3

2006-07-02 02:24:11 · 43 answers · asked by Aaron 1

2006-07-02 01:57:11 · 12 answers · asked by www.Razackonline.com 4

we are a rock group still around today, although three of us were assasinated ?? think real hard now !!!!!!!

2006-07-02 01:26:35 · 19 answers · asked by TeNNeSSee PrIde 3

A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's
Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is
sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to
himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...........

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign "
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and
registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete
stop, thats the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow
down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you
give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."

2006-07-02 01:23:22 · 7 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7