give me you best dumb blonde joke?

Answer 1

Blonde Jokes

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever

A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are riding in an elevator. The redhead notices a spot on the elevator wall and says, "That looks like a *** stain!" The brunette leans over and smells the stain. "Smells like a *** stain too!" The blonde leans over and licks the spot on the elevator wall, then says, "Yep, but it's nobody from this building."

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?
Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?
The 1986 hide and go seek champion

A young blonde went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" the doctor asked.
"All over," said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over? Be more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts!"
Then she touched her left cheek and yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."
Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts," she cried.
The doctor observed her thoughtfully and asked, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why, yes."
"I thought so. You have a broken finger."

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I bought this killer jigsaw puzzle, but I can't figure out how to start it."
Her friend asks, "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says, "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to help her out. The blonde has the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.
He then says, "First, no matter what I do, I cannot show you how to assemble these to look like that picture of a tiger."
"Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to hold the Diet Pepsi and one to call Daddy

Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
She wanted to go on a round trip

What does a blonde say during a porno?
There I am!!

Why don't blondes talk while having sex?
Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers

What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
Way to go team!

Who makes bras for brunettes?
Fisher-Price

What do you call a brunette with a good-looking man?
Hostage

How can you tell when a fax has been sent from a blonde?
There's a stamp on it

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
Got stuck in a trap, chewed off her leg and was still stuck

A blonde was walking down the road past a barley field. There she saw another blonde in the middle of the field in a rowboat, rowing as hard as she could. The first blonde realized how this reflects badly on all blondes and thought, "I'm gonna say something!"
She leaned over the fence and yelled, "You're the kind of blonde that give us all a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come over there and teach you a lesson!"

What did the blonde say when she woke up under the cow?
What are you guys still doing here?

What's the difference between a brunette and the trash?
At least the trash gets taken out once a week.

What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
The shopping cart has a mind of its own

Why are there so many blonde jokes?
It gives brunettes and redheads something to do on Saturday night

Why was the blonde delighted when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in 11 months?
The box said "two to four years"

What do brunettes miss out on the most at a great party?
The invitation

What do blondes and turtles have in common?
Once they're on their back, they're screwed

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell! She's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Why did the blondes stare at the orange juice for two hours?
The label said concentrate

What's the mating call for a blonde?
"I think I'm getting drunk."

What do blondes and cow chips have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up

Blonde walks into a bar, asks for a 15. What does she want?
A seven and seven

What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
Spot

Why did the blonde have square breasts?
She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool

Two blondes are walking along and see some tracks. The first one says, "Look at those deer tracks!" The second one says, "No, they look like moose tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Why did the blonde drive around the block ten times?
Her turn signal was stuck

How did the blonde break her leg while raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree

Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence?
To see what was on the other side

What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?
Introduces herself and goes home

What does a blonde say after sex?
"All you guys play for the same team?"

What does a blonde say when she gets pregnant?
"Gee, I hope it's mine!"

Why did the blonde cross the road?
She doesn't know either

Answer 2

A blonde is driving down the road and this jerk on the radio is telling dumb blonde jokes. She gets really pissed and turns it off. Down the road she sees a blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a corn field, the blonde in the car says, "It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name. If I could swim out there I would give you a piece of my mind."

Answer 3

How do you drown a blond?
put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool.


2 blonds were walking down the side walk, one finds a mirror, picks it up, and says this woman looks familiar. The other takes the mirror looks at it and says "that's me you idiot".



How can you tell when a blond has been using your computer?
it has white out all over the screen.




Whats worst than a dumb blond?
a wanna be dumb blond




A blond, a red head and a brunette get arrested and go before a firing squad. The captain ask the red head if she has any last request, and she says no. He steps back and says "ready, aim..." at this time she yells "earthquake!!!" During the confusion she escapes.
The capt. is upset and walks over to the brunette, looks at her real mean drags her to the line and ask "any last request", she says "no". He steps back and says "ready, aim..." at this point the brunette yells "tornado!!!" During the confusion she escapes.
The blond sees the plan now, how ever the capt. is pissed. He walks up grabs her and shoves her over to the live he screams "any request!!" and she says no. He steps back says "ready, aim..." and she yells "FIRE!!!"

Answer 4

Two older guys are in the front yard, working on an old car. One notices a tall, big-chested blonde jogging up the road in their direction. He waits until she is at the end of the driveway and waves to her while whistling. She smiles and returns the wave. As she is waving, she trips and falls, her Walkman flying in one direction, her water bottle in the other. The two guys laugh hysterically for a few minutes until they realize she isn't moving.
They cautiously walk up to her. One of the men touches her but she doesn't move. They call 911 and when the ambulance arrives the EMT's quickly check her and stand up shaking their heads. One of the guys describes what happened. The EMT looks at the scene and spots the Walkman. As he picks it up he catches the sound from the headset. He holds it up to the witness and he clearly hears a monotone voice from the headset as it says" Breathe in....Breathe out."

Answer 5

so a blond was driving on the freeway next to a semi truck. the blond honked her horn at her and told her to pull over. in the parking lot, the man drew a circle and told the blond to stay in it. the man took his keys and started scratching her car. the blond just laughed. the man took a sharp knife and poked holes in all of her tires. the blond was laughing harder. the man took a stick and crashed all of her windows. by now the blond was laughing harder than ever. "Why is that so funny?" the man asked. the blond just laughed and said, "when u weren't looking, i stepped out of the circle 3 times!"

Answer 6

A blonde finds I brunette doing jumping jacks in the middle of the road, saying "two, two, two...!" so the blonde decides to join her. A truck drives down the road and runs over the blonde. The brunette continues, this time saying "three, three, three...!"

Answer 7

This guy has a hot date with a blonde, and wants to impress her with a tan, so he lays out on his roof, nude. He falls asleep, and wakes up with a burnt penis. He's horrified, however, the date is too hot to pass up, so he bandages himself up and sets off to the hot blonde's house. They get halfway through a movie when the sensation is too much to handle. He heard that milk is good for burns, and asks to be excused. After he fails to return in a few minutes, the blonde goes looking for him, and finds him in the kitchen with his penis dunked in a tall glass of milk.
She stands there with a look of understanding and says "Oh!...that's how you guys reload those things!"

Answer 8

The Interview


Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.

Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you?
Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

The second blonde said, "Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but... "He flashed the
photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The third blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

Answer 9

This blonde got pulled over for speeding by a blonde lady police officer. "I'll need to see some i.d." the officer said. "What's Id?"asked the blonde , "is this it?" she said pulling out her library card. "No , it has your picture on it" said the cop. The blonde looks through her purse and finds a compact. She opens it, "This has my picture in it," she said . The Blonde Lady cop says "Oh, well if you told me you were a cop i wouldnt have pulled u over in the first place. "

Answer 10

Message To Mom

A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. The man tells her it will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"
To that the man asks, "Anything??"
And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"
With that, the man says, "Follow me."
He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."
She does.
He then says, "Get on your knees."
She does.
He then says, "Take down my zipper."
She does.
He then says, "Go ahead, take it out."
With that she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands.
The man then says, "Well, go ahead!"
She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello...Mom?"