Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

it's like that philosophical idea that if you can't perceive the trees anymore they don't exist...

i can't remember that joke!

2006-07-02 14:30:04 · 3 answers · asked by Smegma Stigma 4

yo momma's so fat the last time she saw her phone number....it was on a scale! yo momma's so fat when she went to the zoo....all the elaphants started singing:we are family! yo momma's head's so small....she got her ear pierced,and died!!! yo momma's so stupid, she got trapped in the grocery store and starved to death! yo mama's so stupid shesat on the t.v. and watched the couch! yo momma's so stupid she got fired from the m&m factory for throwing out the "w's" yo momma's so ugly, when she walked into a bank they shut off the cameras!

2006-07-02 14:18:55 · 30 answers · asked by leprichaunezra 2

First right answer gets the 10 points.
I know its corny but i was bored!!

2006-07-02 14:10:49 · 29 answers · asked by froggy girl 2

A man walks into his doctor's office with a problem.....

The doc asks "what seems to be your problem?"
the man replies"I have a terrible gas problem. I can't stop passing gas. But it doesn't stink at all, so don't worry about the smell. It's becoming a real embarrassment though. I can't get it to stop no matter what i do or eat."
The doc says" ok, i'll run a few tests..."
Just then, the man farts really loud. "see what I mean doc?" the man says.
"Wow" says the doc. "I'm going to have to prescribe some medicine for that."
"You mean for my stomach?" asks the man
"No" the doc said "for your nose, cause if you can't smell that, something's wrong!"

2006-07-02 14:10:03 · 20 answers · asked by ♥michele♥ 7

2006-07-02 13:48:50 · 11 answers · asked by metria334 2

you have a chicken,wolf,and a bag of grain how do you get them all across the river unharmed if the chicken will eat the grain,the wolf willeat the chicken,but the wolf will not eat the grain?

check ya later ♥

2006-07-02 13:31:54 · 27 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt and says, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your brother.

2006-07-02 13:29:22 · 15 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

A large truck is crossing a bridge 1 mile long. The bridge can only hold 14000 lbs, which is the exact weight of the truck. The truck makes it half way across the bridge and stops. A bird lands on the truck. Does the bridge collapse? Give a reason.

2006-07-02 13:29:07 · 7 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Four years ago, my ex-stepdad left my mom for a woman he had been screwing for maybe 2 years. During the time he was with my mom, he constantly verbally abused me. Needless to say, he was a major knobhead. Shortly after their breakup, my mom told me that a few times he had gotten so drunk that he had peed on himself while he was passed out on the sofa. If you knew how egotistical he is, you would laugh. I sent him a greeting card a few years later with an old woman on the cover giving the finger. The card read, "Sometimes words just aren't enough." I wrote, "I think the picture says everything, don't you, Jeff?" I also wrote, "P.S. Don't even think about retaliating against my mother, you couch-pissing drunk, because she doesn't even know I've sent this."

2006-07-02 13:24:18 · 6 answers · asked by tangerine 7

2006-07-02 13:23:23 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

In light of the news of the so called human cloning going on, we have to ask ourselves the hypothetical question. If you pushed your naked clone off the top of a tall building, would it be
Murder?Suicide?Or merely making an obscene clone fall?

2006-07-02 13:20:50 · 21 answers · asked by Shorty 2

2006-07-02 13:14:41 · 5 answers · asked by mel 4

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

2006-07-02 13:07:03 · 22 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

Ur mamma is so fat that when she sits on a quarter she sgueezes a bugger out of george washingston's nose.

2006-07-02 12:48:45 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

kenny k tell me your name i am looking for old friends

2006-07-02 12:42:17 · 12 answers · asked by alex_cardol_inc 1

a farmer has a boat that can hold two (him and 1 other item). he also has1 wolf,1 stalk of corn and 1 sheep. he has to get them all over a river to a market alive how can he get them all over to the market ALIVE.

2006-07-02 12:41:23 · 18 answers · asked by nate f 1

WHAT goes in HARD and comes out SOFT ? ill post the correct answer at a later time.

2006-07-02 12:41:20 · 12 answers · asked by ronald r 3

2006-07-02 12:40:32 · 33 answers · asked by Lilmisssassy 4

2006-07-02 12:25:18 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

two fathers and two sons check into a hotel for one night. The hotel tariff is £10 per person per night. When they leave the following morning the bill is £30. Explain ? for 10 points

2006-07-02 12:12:11 · 19 answers · asked by sir_baggytrousers 3

2006-07-02 11:59:54 · 18 answers · asked by jensarquist 3

2006-07-02 11:59:04 · 10 answers · asked by jensarquist 3

2006-07-02 11:42:26 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-02 11:34:13 · 7 answers · asked by gamer1123@verizon.net 1

one smart feller-he felt smart.-two smart fellers-they both felt smart.-three smart fellers they all felt smart.------------or ----one one was a race horse,-one two was one too.one one won one race,-one two won one too.

2006-07-02 11:16:39 · 23 answers · asked by Ron~N 5

Willys cynical thought for the day;

Give me freaking ambiguity or give me something else!

The world's greatest truck driver was driving along a country lane late one night when his truck broke down. So he headed towards an old farmhouse and knocked on the door.

"Hello," Kurt says, "I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and my truck has broken down, I wonder could I have a bed for the night?"

"Well," says Norm, "there's only two rooms, meself and the wife in one, and my nineteen year old daughter in the other."

"Look, I'm the greatest truck driver in the world and all I want is a bed for the night, your daughter will be safe." Kurt says.

"All right," Norm replies and they all go to bed. At four in the morning, the farmer heard the headboard in the next room banging against the wall. He got up and looked in, there was the truck driver driving it into his daughter, with his bare butt going up and down.

So, Norm went down stairs and loaded the shotgun. He snuck into the room and pointed the gun at the trucker.

"All right, then," he says, "if you're the greatest truck driver in the world, reverse out of there with a full load!

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-02 10:56:00 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

this makes sence if you think about it. just remember they they are the only humans that were created.

2006-07-02 10:42:13 · 10 answers · asked by me 1

2006-07-02 10:22:50 · 5 answers · asked by Midnight Dynamo 3

This is a joke question.

2006-07-02 09:43:42 · 32 answers · asked by Aint No Bugs On Me 4

I want to buy a lamborghini and i have 1 pound. If any body are intrested please contact me and answer me.

2006-07-02 09:42:29 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous