Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

I wnat something so funny i will almost die of laughter. It's a good competition.

2006-07-03 06:57:01 · 5 answers · asked by Trinesie 3

Two men are charged with murder. One committed the act but the other is quite innocent. The judge is in a quandary as to how to punish the guilty while letting the innocent man go free. Finally he calls for an eminent doctor to advise him.

Why?

2006-07-03 06:35:41 · 12 answers · asked by j o s 4

i found about 10 posts of people asking if putting someones hand in warm water works...if you want proof, email me andreagirl12@gmail.com and mention your age and location and i'll email you back a pic form when I did it to an ex bf :)

2006-07-03 06:10:43 · 5 answers · asked by Andrea L 1

Who is the first lady flew from INDIA to a foriegn country?

2006-07-03 06:08:12 · 5 answers · asked by ???shaant??? 3

...but had the entire tree fall on them?

2006-07-03 05:42:49 · 8 answers · asked by Modest intellect 4

2006-07-03 05:40:47 · 25 answers · asked by Curbkindaguy 2

2006-07-03 05:38:12 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

NO JOKE HERE.. I REALY NEED TO KNOW THIS WORD SPILLING

2006-07-03 05:24:22 · 14 answers · asked by alexmaxtor 1

I am a brunette that alwys ties my hair up in a pony and i love the show "Naruto". I love anime. Please answer. I want a lot of replys. :D

2006-07-03 05:19:22 · 14 answers · asked by ♥ Rock Lee ♥ 3

2006-07-03 05:14:53 · 16 answers · asked by ash 1

2006-07-03 05:04:05 · 9 answers · asked by Mr Spock 4

My 3yr old son's favourite joke is:

How do trees count?
One, two, tree.

Hilarious, I know.

We continued it like this: four, five, sticks, seven, eight, vine....

As you can, our punning abilities were waning toward the end. Can anyone continue the tree-themed series for us? Points will be awarded for the very worst puns.

2006-07-03 04:48:28 · 9 answers · asked by bonshui 6

I will give u 10 big ones

2006-07-03 04:39:01 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-03 04:32:36 · 14 answers · asked by Loki 3

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please."
The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dog's mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog.
So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable.

2006-07-03 04:29:30 · 22 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

when I am born I get soo hunry
I start eating whatever I want
that its so hard to kill me.
but if u try 2 feed me some water
I will die.

2006-07-03 04:22:34 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'd like to know! But please tell me only jokes that are suitable for 5 year olds and older! Thanks!!

2006-07-03 04:16:28 · 8 answers · asked by greenman13 3

2006-07-03 04:15:35 · 27 answers · asked by X P 3

GOOD JOB AVIELLA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-03 04:08:49 · 4 answers · asked by TeNNeSSee PrIde 3

She was in London and wanted to Ben Dover, until she found Big Ben is only a clock!

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-03 03:57:04 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

She was throwing all the W's away. Bwaaahahaha

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-03 03:45:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

WHAT AN A**HOLE

2006-07-03 03:40:17 · 5 answers · asked by MiCCl0 1

why are people so uptight and quick to take offence?

2006-07-03 03:37:09 · 5 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening. She was knitting and he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looked up from the page and said to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"
She looked at him wistfully, smiled, and replied, "Oh yeah? Prove it."
He frowned for a moment and said, "OK," then got up and walked out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.
About half an hour later he returned all tired and sweaty. "Well, the cow and the sheep definitely didn't have one. But the way that pig squealed, it's hard to tell!"

2006-07-03 03:33:59 · 16 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB_DZafhmmA

2006-07-03 03:30:06 · 9 answers · asked by chickenhouse 3

More Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously

- OK, . . . . so what's the speed of dark?

- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

- Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

- How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

- Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

- Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

- Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

- Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

2006-07-03 03:29:17 · 7 answers · asked by ? 6

To all the blondes who take offence to blonde jokes,If you can't laugh at yourself you shouldn't be laughing at others.Im blonde by the way.

2006-07-03 03:28:40 · 13 answers · asked by MrBudbag 3

Once upon a time there was a stork family - papa stock, mama stork and baby stork. One evening papa stork didn't show up for dinner. Mama stork and baby stork left the food out for him but he didn't come home at all that night. When papa stork finally did come home the next day, baby stork asked, "Papa stork, where were you last night?"
"Out making a young couple very happy," replied papa stork.
Several weeks later, baby stork was late for dinner. Papa stork and mama stork were worried. Their anxiety increased when baby stork still wasn't home by sunset. They both waited up late for baby stork but he didn't come in until early in the morning. His feathers were rumpled and unkempt. Papa stork barked, "Where the hell were you, baby stork?"
"Out scaring the sh!t out of college students," replied baby stork.

2006-07-03 03:25:46 · 20 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

Too-Jealous Wife
There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"

The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

2006-07-03 03:25:46 · 18 answers · asked by ? 6

The Grieving Wife
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father..."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"

She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that darned gun!'"

2006-07-03 03:23:36 · 10 answers · asked by ? 6