Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

2006-07-03 13:36:47 · 29 answers · asked by Jared Padaleckis biggest fan 2

a poor man has
a rich man needs
if u eat it ull die

2006-07-03 13:20:07 · 14 answers · asked by sarashapiro05 3

When they wonder if that is a brown ink blot test on the back, I just typically ask them what does it look like to them. There are no wrong answers except for the right one.

2006-07-03 13:02:43 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day a duck walks into a bar and asks the
bartender "Do you got any grapes?"

The bartender says, "No we don't serve grapes
here."

So the duck leaves and returns the next day
and asks "Do you got any grapes?" The bartender
says "No we don't serve grapes here."

So the duck leaves and returns for the next
five days asking the same question.

The fifth day the bartender gets pissed and says,
"If ask for grapes one more time, I'm gonna nail
your dick to the floor!"

So the duck leaves and returns the next day and
asks "Got any hammers?"

"No." replies the bartender.

"Got any nails?" "No."

"Got any grapes?"

2006-07-03 12:56:25 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-03 12:56:08 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is greater than god, worst than devil and when you eat it you can fly???

2006-07-03 12:53:48 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a guy who just got out of a really bad
divorce with his wife. One day, he found a
genie's lamp. The genie came out and said, "Hello
master. I will grant you three wishes but,
whatever you wish for your wife gets double."

The guy didn't like that part but he made a wish
anyway. For his first wish, he said, "Genie, I
want a house in Hawaii." POOF!!! He got one
house, his wife got two. This didn't make him
happy but, he made his second wish. "Genie,I want
2 billion dollars." POOF! He got two billion, his
wife four billion. By now, this guy isn't very
happy. The genie says, "You have one wish left. I
have to remind you, what ever you wish for your
wife gets double."

The guy says, "Yeah,yeah. I know."

So the guy thinks real hard and says "I got it!
Genie, beat me half to death!!"

2006-07-03 12:51:31 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

best and funniest gets ten points...will pick best answer in 24 hours....

2006-07-03 12:26:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

every1 keeps giving me 2points whtsup with that? cant u see any other number to press on? like 3 4 5 6 or so on. god u people r so annoying!!

2006-07-03 12:14:43 · 5 answers · asked by sweet angel 2

if Jimmy cracks corn and the writer of this song don't care then why did she write a song about it?!?!?!?!?

2006-07-03 12:10:10 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

everybody keeps giving me 2points cant u see anything else to press on? like 3 4 5 6 or so on. whats up with that?

2006-07-03 12:06:36 · 6 answers · asked by sweet angel 2

please be sincere while answering

2006-07-03 11:58:08 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Like BULLDOG + SHITZU = BULLSHITZ
and FROG + DONKEY = FRONKEY...

Lets see what you can come up with. The funniest gets a fiver.

2006-07-03 11:50:00 · 3 answers · asked by AverageEverydaySanePyscho 1

Work this question out...
Roughly how many answers?

2006-07-03 11:48:38 · 26 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

In a hospital, how can you tell which one is the head nurse??

2006-07-03 11:31:31 · 7 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

Whats the missing number??
1, 38, 111, 220, 365, 546, ___, 1016, 1305, 1630, 1991, 2388

2006-07-03 11:28:20 · 8 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

Two mothers and two daughters go to a pet store and buy three cats. Each female gets her own cat. How is this possible?

2006-07-03 11:15:38 · 25 answers · asked by Blah blah blah 1

translate:
tihs diputs eno era uoy neht ton fi stniop net teg uoy siht daer nac uoy fi!

2006-07-03 10:54:43 · 28 answers · asked by Blah blah blah 1

its a riddle and i cant figure out the answer

2006-07-03 10:36:27 · 11 answers · asked by Goat 1

cooperate please

2006-07-03 10:14:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am in Cozumel, and cant figure out this riddle, so that I can enter.
any clues?
please help me!!!

2006-07-03 09:53:06 · 10 answers · asked by oneblueanjel 3

Dave and Mary had five children. Their names were Allison, Gregory, Timothy, Katherine, and Jessica. (Dave, Gregory, and Timothy are male; Mary, Allison, Katherine, and Jessica are female.)
Allison is not the oldest, but not the youngest.
Jessica is older than Gregory, but younger than Timothy.
Timothy is older than Mary and Katherine.
Timothy is the oldest boy.
Mary is the oldest Girl.
There are no twins or triplets, all children have different ages.

What is the name of the third child's father?

2006-07-03 09:47:26 · 8 answers · asked by romantemple16 2

RRAHCITTEECU

2006-07-03 09:26:19 · 16 answers · asked by Med Student 4

2006-07-03 09:24:32 · 7 answers · asked by ruby 4

2006-07-03 09:21:19 · 7 answers · asked by ladysodivine 6

2006-07-03 09:19:56 · 29 answers · asked by itsa o 6

2006-07-03 09:17:42 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

American History

Here's a little part of US history which makes you sit up and go h-m-
m-m-m-m-m-m............

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners
Both were succeeded by Southerners.

Both successors were named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are comprised of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named "Kennedy".
Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln".

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker....

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.

----------

A Man and His Dog

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying
the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He
remembered dying, and that his faithful dog had been dead for many
years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while,
they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It
looked like fine marble. As he reached the wall, he saw a
magnificent gate in the arch, and the street that led to the gate
made from pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as
he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water? We have traveled far,"
the man said.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought
right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the
traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment, remembering all the years this dog
remained loyal to him and then turned back toward the road and
continued the way he had been going. After another long walk he came
to a plain dirt road, which led through a farm gate that looked as
if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached
the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a
book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water? We
have traveled far."

"Yes, sure, there's a faucet over there." The man pointed to a place
that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in and help
yourself."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to his dog.

"There should be a bowl by the faucet; he is welcome to share."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-
fashioned faucet with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl
and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When
they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was
standing by the tree waiting for them.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is heaven," was the answer.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road
said that was heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope.
That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No. We're just happy that they screen out the folks who'd leave
their best friends behind in exchange for material things."

----------

Appreciate what you have

One day . . . a wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the
country, so he could have his son see how poor country people live.

They stayed one day and one night in the home of a very humble
farmer. At the end of the trip, and when they were back home, the
father asked his son, "What did you think of the trip?"

The son replied, "Very nice dad."

Then the father asked his son, "Did you notice how poor they were?"

The son replied, "Yes."

The father continued asking, "What did you learn?"

The son responded, "I learned that we have one dog in our house, and
they have four.

Also, we have a fountain in our garden, but they have a stream that
has no end.

And we have imported lamps in our garden . . . where they have the
stars!

And our garden goes to the edge of our property. But they have the
entire horizon as their back yard!"

At the end of the son's reply the father was speechless.

His son then said, "Thank you dad for showing me how poor we really
are."

Isn't it true that all depends on the lens you use to see life?

One can ask himself what would happen if we give thanks for what we
have instead of always asking for more.

Learn to appreciate what you have. Wealth is all in one's point of
view.

2006-07-03 09:12:18 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-03 09:08:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-03 09:08:41 · 11 answers · asked by JEFF HARDY #1 FAN 3