Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

2006-07-04 03:58:00 · 11 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

2006-07-04 02:33:26 · 15 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

2006-07-04 02:24:02 · 12 answers · asked by misterclay 2

2006-07-04 02:23:58 · 21 answers · asked by king of hearts 1

2006-07-04 02:18:05 · 64 answers · asked by Larry 1

1. whats more evil than the devil, more powerful than god, the rich want it, the poor have it and if you eat it you will die

2. i am the beginning of the end, you see me twice in a week, but not in a day, once in a year, but twice in a decade.

2006-07-04 01:50:34 · 36 answers · asked by bronnie_z 1

2006-07-04 01:32:08 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are in a house. There are 3 light switches. Inside of a closed room (that you CAN NOT see) there is a light bulb that is turned on by one of the switches. If you can only go inside the room one time how can you tell which switch turns on the light?

2006-07-04 01:29:42 · 11 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

2006-07-04 01:27:52 · 12 answers · asked by Ghana Rulez 3

If you like your Physics and you like your Chemistry,
You will find this puzzle, as easy as can be.
Firstly, from a glass of milk, take what is good for bones.
Second take the metal used to glaze pottery with pretty tones.
Thirdly you might eat me to get your innards on a slide;
Last I am a diode in a "crystal-set" just look inside.
Now put us all together, and thus what can be seen?
A great big head? ; A large white moth? ; A vegetable that's green?
What am I?

2006-07-04 01:24:50 · 7 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

2006-07-04 00:58:14 · 14 answers · asked by golaicecream 2

Yesterday, my coffee tasted like hemlock. Last night, I found strange pellets in my food and there was an empty box of rat poison in the trashcan. And, she has taken up archery and axe throwing.
Do you think the $1,000,000 in life insurance could have anything to do with it?

2006-07-04 00:55:46 · 33 answers · asked by opjames 4

2006-07-04 00:29:01 · 20 answers · asked by serial kisser 2

2006-07-04 00:23:29 · 7 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

He pondered the offer and then said, "Doobie or not doobie....THAT is the question."

2006-07-04 00:23:08 · 7 answers · asked by opjames 4

2006-07-04 00:10:39 · 7 answers · asked by johny 1

2006-07-04 00:07:07 · 20 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

2006-07-04 00:00:24 · 15 answers · asked by Amitha 2

2006-07-03 23:28:13 · 20 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

2006-07-03 23:17:57 · 25 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

2006-07-03 23:08:59 · 21 answers · asked by stonedzookeeper 2

u hear water it says come here to heal u may leave but u have to say 2x10/2 the 3ird one u see light and rats the fourth one has a guy in it but he looks so creepy the ner sight of him cills your bone chose and solve the rittle!

2006-07-03 22:45:45 · 9 answers · asked by Sir Lincoln 2

This is gonna be at night ok.

2006-07-03 22:39:42 · 13 answers · asked by Ramen Lover!!! 1

like
when a girl wear a short scirt , she looks sexy
but when a boy wear a scirt he looks like a bell.

nice na.

2006-07-03 22:37:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-03 22:00:27 · 32 answers · asked by projetkarma 2

A WOMAN PASSED HER DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR.

SHOCKED, SHE ASKED: "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?"

THE DAUGHTER REPLIED, "MOM, I'M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

THE NEXT DAY, THE GIRL'S FATHER HEARD THE SAME BUZZ COMING FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR. UPON ENTERING THE ROOM HE OBSERVED HIS DAUGHTER MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE TO HER VIBRATOR. TO HIS QUERY AS TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING, THE DAUGHTER SAID,

"DAD I'M THIRTY-FIVE, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER THE WIFE CAME HOME FROM A SHOPPING TRIP, PLACED THE GROCERIES ON THE KITCHEN TABLE AND HEARD A BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM, OF ALL PLACES, THE LIVING ROOM. SHE ENTERED AND OBSERVED HER HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH, DOWNING A COLD BEER, AND STARING AT THE TV. THE VIBRATOR WAS NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY.

THE WIFE ASKED, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

THE HUSBAND REPLIED, "I'M WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH MY SON-IN-LAW."

2006-07-03 21:52:42 · 23 answers · asked by NecropolisXR 6

At a niteclub, a guy tells a girl he wants a f**k... She says she can't, she's on her menstrual cycle. He says "Its cool, I have my car outside, I'll follow u home".

:)

2006-07-03 21:48:22 · 18 answers · asked by Purplgirl 5

why dont you try it it makes you feel good

did you try it?

if you did ,now don`t you feel good

2006-07-03 21:43:33 · 16 answers · asked by itsa o 6

what do you call some one who sucks?
who knows!
how many times do you call them?
5!

2006-07-03 21:39:45 · 23 answers · asked by itsa o 6

Carried by four edges, it tells a thousand words
Most used and abused, it caters to the herds
Best not for stationary, nor for parked,
In my opinion, the gift should be marked
(But even when that is done it is often hidden
By that which is familiarly overridden.)
And when that chance to show it comes a cropper.
Just make sure it’s not a major showstopper.

2006-07-03 21:20:42 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous