Best joke ever?

Question

boolucy2000 u r rude

! i want a joke, like haha funny kinds of jokes

Answer 1

Sardar's Test
Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar, the last one being Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three storey building located?
17. Which part of India produces the most oranges?
(a) Gujarat
(b) Russia
(c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?
19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
(a) B.C. (a) A.D. (a) still waiting

*You must answer at least three questions correctly to qualify*
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Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. Oye, I am only following the instructions 'Answer in brief'.
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Ask any man, and he will tell you that any woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.

While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
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This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your darn bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"
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One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, daddy."

He replied, "How'd you know?"

The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'JERK' afterwards!"
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Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They all are asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first man says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor for my time, and a great family man."

The second man says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher, who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...LOOK!! HE'S MOVING!!!"
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Answer 2

John Kerry running for President

Answer 3

1) G.W. Bush,
2) The government
3) The judicial system especially

Answer 4

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the Plain.

Answer 5

One time I saw two homeless people making out on the sidewalk. So I yelled to them "GET A BOX!!!"

Answer 6

Brace yourself:

What's the best part about dating a homeless girl?

Answer: You can drop her off anywhere.

Answer 7

snt ths fnny , nly f yo ndrstnd it.
of cos ull ndrstnd coz yo cn rd wrds wtht vwls.

Answer 8

biggest joke? men

Answer 9

i heard this on comedy central.....so im not like mean or nething.

"how did the mexican girl get pregnant?"

a:her techer told her to go do a essay..

do u get it, cuz like mexicans call eachother essaiy.....

Answer 10

da vinci code (biggest joke)