Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

There was a man watching two blonds working very hard one hot summer day.He just could not figure out what they were doing. The first one would dig a hole,then the second one would fill it in. He watched this for a while and he finally had to know. He went up to them and said he thought they were working very hard and had made a lot of progress moving down the walk way of the park and asked what exactly were they doing. Well, said the first one, "We would normally not make this much progress, but the one who has the trees called in sick

2006-06-07 04:47:58 · 15 answers · asked by James 6

2006-06-07 04:41:36 · 76 answers · asked by allan f 1

I am an obsessive cleaner, i love to be nekkid, and I need to make some cash....do you think there is a market for a nekkid cleaning service? How much should I charge?

2006-06-07 04:36:04 · 10 answers · asked by smilesfromred 5

a joke

2006-06-07 04:29:48 · 15 answers · asked by James 6

2006-06-07 04:19:57 · 7 answers · asked by peekejee 2

HA ha

2006-06-07 04:04:41 · 25 answers · asked by ShhhOverHere 2

2006-06-07 03:57:26 · 5 answers · asked by peekejee 2

Chat up lines.....Funny ones Also!!!

2006-06-07 03:54:17 · 21 answers · asked by 3azaburd 1

A man was found shot to death in his car the windows were rolled up the doors were locked the windows were all in tact how was he killed? Morbid I know but makes ya think.

2006-06-07 03:52:56 · 13 answers · asked by NEOTEH 4

2006-06-07 03:37:59 · 20 answers · asked by FUnNYY 2

I mean, some jokes are ment to be a little offensive or have some tipe of adult content, but do you think the joke was THAT offensive?

2006-06-07 03:30:07 · 4 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

2006-06-07 03:27:38 · 17 answers · asked by dontknow 1

four seasons,,,,,,,,,,,a man is relased from prison after 20 years....he heads to the nearest cathouse and tells the madame that he wants a girl....he he hasnt been laid for 20years...she says the girls are all busy hell have to wait so he has a seat....few min go by and he asks her if there is anything she can do to hurry it up and she once again says hell have to wait...unless you want me...shes kinda old so he says hell wait...20 minutes go by and impatient he says c'mon already you'll have to do so they go back to empty room and undress......he looks at her and asks are u sure ur up to this and she says that their may be winter in her hair but that there is summer in her heart........after several minutes of love making he says if you dont get some spring in your a.s.s were going to be here till fall

2006-06-07 03:10:14 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you ask me, Charles Bronson was way more of a hard-@ss.

2006-06-07 03:09:23 · 9 answers · asked by NA 6

a duck hunter shoots a duck and it lands on neighbors side of fence....he climbs over to get it and neighbors says the duck is his cuz itson his property. the hunter suggests that they have contest to determine who gets it. what kind of contest? says neighbor. hunter says well kick each other in the nuts and whoever gets up fist wins...ok says the neighbor and the duck hunter lets go and kicks the neighbor right in the ole nuts....he rolls around on theground for twenty minuets and the hunter is enjoying it..then the neighbor says its his turn and the hunter says,....thats alright you can keep the duck...

2006-06-07 02:55:52 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."

2006-06-07 02:42:25 · 12 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

I will be happy to hear your funny jokes!!!!
thanks alot!!

2006-06-07 02:40:56 · 60 answers · asked by A.B 1

A teacher is teaching a group of 5th graders about the human anatomy. She asks the group, "What part of the body increases 10 times in diameter when you feel excited?"
A little girl stood up and said, "I cannot believe you're asking us this! I'm gonna tell my mom and dad and they're going to have you fired!!"
The teacher ignored the little girl and asked again, "Class, what part of the body increases 10 times in diameter when you feel excited?"
The little girl turned to another child in the class and said, "Oooo! She is gonna be in SO much trouble!"
Slowly, a shy boy stood up and said very timidly, "Umm...your pupils?"
"Correct!" the teacher said with a smile. Suddlenly, she turned to the little girl and said sternly, "First of all, you have a dirty mind. Secondly, you did not do your homework. And lastly, you are going to be very disappointed!"

2006-06-07 02:39:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-07 02:33:50 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a guy who was taking good care of his body; he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day.
One morning, he looks into the mirror and admires his body. He notices that he is really sun tanned all over except one part and he decides to do something about it.
He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the dand except for the one part sticking out.
Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says, "There really is no justice in this world."
The other little old lady says, "What do you mean?"
The first little old lady says, "Look at that."
"When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of it."
"When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it."
"When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it."
"When I was 40 years old, I asked for it."
"When I was 50 years old, I paid for it."
"When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it."
"When I was 70 years old, I forgot about it."
"And now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild!!"

2006-06-07 02:05:49 · 19 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

2006-06-07 02:04:40 · 13 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

2006-06-07 02:03:51 · 12 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

will grow up......and if i jump will my head bump in the Ceiling ???

Just wanted to know when and how to stop growing !!!

Note: Right now i am only SIX months old!!!

2006-06-07 02:02:48 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-07 02:02:25 · 18 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

2006-06-07 02:00:28 · 18 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

Two men were sneaking in a quick game of Golf one Tuesday morning. They were both a bit annoyed at the fact that the two players on the next hole, who were just soooo slow at the game, did not even have the curtesy to waive them on to play through. After nine holes and the time getting near noon, the two men realize they must do something. One man says to the other that he will go to next hole and ask the people there if they may play through. He starts heading towards them, gets half way and turns around. He comes back and explains to his friend that: "I can't ask them, for one of them is my wife and the other is my mistress" The second man says he will go and ask them to play through. The second man departs, gets about half way, turn around and comes back and said: "Small world"

2006-06-07 01:39:02 · 14 answers · asked by Pd 6

The one who makes it sells it.
The one who buys it doesn't use it.
The one who's using it doesn't know he's using it.
What is it?

2006-06-07 01:20:47 · 16 answers · asked by Marco551 2

I work in a hospital and a patient told me this joke. I laughed a lot! Rate 1-10 please.

A blonde woman was driving by a huge field and saw another blonde woman sitting in the middle of the field in a row boat, pulling the oars as hard as she could, obviously going nowhere. The driver got out of the car, put her hand on her hips, and yelled, "You know, it's women like you that give blondes a bad name, and if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your a**!"

2006-06-07 01:12:38 · 25 answers · asked by krisski 3

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and Firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but Hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum , how many kind of penises are there?" The mother smiles, and looks at her husband and answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it Is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
“Yes, dead from the root up & the balls are there for decoration only!"


This is just a joke. Don't take it personally, okay?

2006-06-07 01:08:32 · 8 answers · asked by joann_xvi 4

2006-06-07 01:04:48 · 15 answers · asked by udayy2 3