Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

What goes is dry but comes out wet,the longer its in the better it gets,when it finally comes out it drips and sags...what is it

2006-06-07 11:05:51 · 14 answers · asked by Hershey 2

i wish i could get into a big glass of pina colada and swim around singing the song, buck naked, anyone else share this fantasy, perhaps??

2006-06-07 10:52:06 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

three men went to confession, the first entered the booth and said, 'forgive me father of my sins for i have had unprotected fornication with not one but three very loose women, and i am about 95% sure that i at least impregnated three of them, the priest was baffled, he had no response, so the man left weeping, the second one seen him leave and was frightened to share his sin, but he did anyway, he proceeded to the booth and said, 'forgive me father for i have sinned, i had unprotected fornication with a man yesterday, you see i was super drunk and i didn't really know what i was doing.....' the priest had no response, the man left weeping also, the third man entered and he said,' father, i was at the disco yesterday and i did some super sweet dance moves on the stage, and please forgive me because i am pretty sure that i was making all the men folk want these buns of steel' the priest replied, 'patrick swayze, is that you??'

2006-06-07 10:48:56 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

i really need to know

2006-06-07 10:48:55 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-07 10:37:42 · 20 answers · asked by ? 4

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."

The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.

In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50.



The question is: How did the man win the bet?

2006-06-07 10:34:42 · 20 answers · asked by Kman 2

2006-06-07 10:33:01 · 11 answers · asked by rickinobetz 3

Pumpkin, Goo, Mis Perfect or Mr Perfect, or Drea

2006-06-07 10:29:13 · 10 answers · asked by grassfairy19 1

there once was a man from nantucket, he had a peg leg and a hump on his back that wouldn't quit, and he loved to use the phrase 'say hello to my little friend' and 'are you gonna eat that last biscuit?' who was he?? oh yeah and he entered in a running marathon, so, who was he??

2006-06-07 10:14:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-07 09:58:31 · 23 answers · asked by Melok 4

2006-06-07 09:53:30 · 12 answers · asked by Melok 4

2006-06-07 09:46:15 · 16 answers · asked by dskoppes 1

and vice versa if you are lefty...

2006-06-07 09:38:30 · 15 answers · asked by mystery t 4

and go out and have crazy sex and stuff?...That woulda rocked !

2006-06-07 09:36:25 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."

The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.

In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50.



The question is: How did the man win the bet?

2006-06-07 09:33:06 · 8 answers · asked by CrAzY dUdE 2

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit sh*t. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''
''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.

So he ate them and said, ''These taste like sh*t.''

''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're already getting smarter

2006-06-07 09:25:08 · 4 answers · asked by jj? 3

Here's a dilemma...
With all your honor and dignity, what would you do? Please don't answer without giving it serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line- this is important for the test to work accurately.

You're in Florida... in Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a news photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.

Suddenly you know who it is -- it's George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

And here's the question (please give an honest answer):

Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

2006-06-07 09:17:47 · 22 answers · asked by jj? 3

The first to get all correct gets 10 points. They are tricky!

1.) How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark?

2.) How many months have 28 days?

3.)If a rooster lays an egg on a roof pointed, does it fall left or right?

4.) If a south bound electric train is traveling at 66 mph and the wind is blowing north at 33 mph, which way will the smoke blow?

5.)Is there a 4th of July in England?

6.) How many 2 cent stamps are in a dozen?

2006-06-07 09:06:24 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

There's this Amish girl and she tells her mom that her hands are cold. So her mom tells her to put them between her legs to get them warm. So she does and it surprisingly works.
The next day, her Amish boyfriend says his hands are cold so she tells him to put them between her legs. He does and it works, so he tells her his penis is cold and she tells him to put it between her legs.

She goes home and says,''Hey mom, do you know what a penis is?''

"Yes," her mom says.

The girl says, ''Did you know they're really messy when they thaw out?"

2006-06-07 08:54:24 · 12 answers · asked by jj? 3

not being racist or making fun of anyone but i need some really good and funnytrailer trashy names

2006-06-07 08:52:36 · 13 answers · asked by chacha 2

i thought this was funny at least ive never heard it

Freudian Slips

A man was sitting on a bus looking ashamed. The man next to him noticed and asked what the matter was.
He said that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable breasts, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh.

The man next to him laughed and said, ''Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidently said, 'You ******* b*tch, you ruined my life.'"

2006-06-07 08:49:47 · 11 answers · asked by jj? 3

how did u get ur head between their legs?
lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

2006-06-07 08:38:06 · 9 answers · asked by pinky 3

2006-06-07 08:34:01 · 17 answers · asked by I4icarus 2

ur in a bare room with 3 light switches. A, B and C. All are in the OFF position.

Down the hallway is another room with a table. On that table is a lightbulb.

One of switch A B or C turns that light bulb on and off. The other two do nothing.

You cannot see into one room from the other room.

You may go into the lightbulb room only ONCE.

Which switch controls the bulb?

Not a trick question, and no information is missing. The only person who ever solved this on their own that i know, was a 8 year old girl. I couldnt do it either without a hint.

2006-06-07 08:19:50 · 15 answers · asked by Kaboom 3

Cuervo Cookie Recipe




Christmas Cookie Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup ... just in case.


Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor...

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoonof sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.


Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

2006-06-07 08:14:24 · 5 answers · asked by stone cold 4

funny joke about woman on train?
The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.

The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. I need that seat."

The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"

The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there?". I'm very tired."

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant....Imagine!"

The American didn't say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.

An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.

You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand.

You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong ***** out the window

2006-06-07 08:10:09 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-07 08:09:10 · 5 answers · asked by gabby 1

are they still considered brother and sister?

2006-06-07 08:07:00 · 6 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

When you're born God gives you something 2 times and in the 3rd time that same thing you have to buy it what is it? It is very simple! If you have the right answer I will give you the 10 points but if 2 or more persons have the same answer I will give the 10 pts to the person who explain me the answer better. Thanks wish you "Good Luck"!!!

2006-06-07 08:06:55 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.

" The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.

"Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.

" As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?

"The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.

" As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,

"Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"The officer frowns and says,

"And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says,

"Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.

"The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on.

You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks,

"WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"The officer looks over at the woman and asks,

"Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?" NO, Only when he's been drinking!

2006-06-07 08:03:23 · 22 answers · asked by lx 2