who can give me the bestest joke.?

Question

a joke

Answer 1

There was a man watching two blonds working very hard one hot summer day.He just could not figure out what they were doing. The first one would dig a hole,then the second one would fill it in. He watched this for a while and he finally had to know. He went up to them and said he thought they were working very hard and had made a lot of progress moving down the walk way of the park and asked what exactly were they doing. Well, said the first one, "We would normally not make this much progress, but the one who has the trees called in sick".

Answer 2

Coming Home Late

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the
other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go
home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I
get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs,
I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL
wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the
wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up
the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands
on my wife's a_s_s and say, 'How about a B_J?' ... and she's always
sound asleep."

Answer 3

A bartender is sitting behind the counter one day whaen the door bursts open and here came four exuberant blondes. They came up to the bar ordered 5 bottles of champange and 10 glasses take their order and went over and sat over to a large table.

The corks are popped the glasses are filled and they begin chantin 51 days 51 days 51 days!

Soon 3 more blondes came in takes up her drinks and the chanting grows 51 days 51 days 51 days!

Finally 2 more blondes show up and the chanting grows 54 days 51 days 51 days

The tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over sets the picture in the middle the table erupts Up jumps the others chantin ang exchanging high fives raisin the roof sayin 51 days 51 days 51 days!

The bartender cant stand his curiousity any longerso he walks over to the table and in the center is a beautiful childrens puzzle when the shoutin dies down a little the bartender asks the blonde that brought in the puzzle what was all the chanting about?

The blonde who brought in the puzzle says that everyone thinks that blondes are dumb so they make fun of us so we decided to set the record straight the ten of us got together bought that puzzle and put it together

The side of the box says 2-4 years but we put it together in 51 days

here is another one

A couple was going to Florida for their vacation the wife was on a business trip and was going to meet him the next day the husband got checked in and was goin to send unable to find the sheet of paper her e-mail was written on he tried to fill in his memory he missed it by one letter and it got sent to a preachers wife that husband died the day before

She took a look at the screen and let out a scream her family rushed in and looked at the screen

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. it is all redy for your arrival tomorrow. I love you.

your husband

P.S. It is sure Hot down here.

Answer 4

A man came home from the doctors to his wife one day, looking very worried. The man's wife asked him, "What did the doctor say?" The man said, "Well I got good news and bad news." His wife said, "What is the good news?" The man replied, "Well the doctor said I need to take a pill everyday for the rest of my life." The wife said, "So, what's the bad news?" The man said, "The doctor only gave me three pills."

Answer 5

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer.
After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said "Who owns the

big white horse outside?
"The Lone Ranger said, "I do, Why?"
The cowboy said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough, Silver was about to

die from heat exhaustion.
The Lone Ranger got water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto
and says, "I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to help cool him down".
Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and begins running circles around Silver. Unable to do anything except wait, the
Lone Ranger returns to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, "Who owns that big white horse outside?
"The Lone Ranger says, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"
The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,
"Nothing, but you left your Injun running!"

Answer 6

There was a little old lady driving down the street when she was stopped by a cop for speeding. He says maam whats your hurry? She says I am late for my job as an a**hole stretcher. He says what ? She says yes, you start out with them and stretch and stretch them until they are 6 feet. He says what do you do with a 6 foot a**hole? She says-you give him a radar gun and put him behind a bridge!

Answer 7

One day a big tough piece of tarmac walked into a bar. A man said "Wow, you are a seriously tough piece of tarmac". The tarmac replied "Yeah, I'm from the M5: 100,000 cars roll over me every hour. I'm pretty darn tough." And he goes to sit down in the corner of the bar.

A minute later, a piece of even bigger, tougher tarmac walked in. The man said "Jeez, you are a massively tough piece of tarmac!" The tarmac replied "yeah, I'm from the M4. 1 million cars roll over me every hour. I'm too tough for anything!" and he went to sit down in the corner of the bar.

A minute later, a small piece of orange tarmac walked into the bar. Instantly, the two tough pieces of tarmac screamed and ran out the door. The man wondered why they were frightened, and followed them out.

"I thought you were all tough! Why are you running scared from that tiny little piece of tarmac?"

One of the big pieces of tarmac said fearfully "We're just road tarmac, but him, he's a psychopath!!!"

(cyclepath, geddit???)

Answer 8

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Puzzled but willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet
paper and standing in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. How long will this take?" I ask. "They will grow larger over a period of years" he replies.
I stop to think.
"Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my
breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says,
"Worked for your bum, didn't it?"

My husband is still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may
even walk again.

Answer 9

Try this..

Go up to a random person.. like your boss or someone.. your brother sister whatever..

ask them "do you know what's a mattabooboo?"

I will bet you a lot wont' answer or will say yeah i know what a mattabooboo is... and try to pull it off..

then look at them like they're complete idiots and say, "NO YOU IDIOT YOU"RE SUPPOSED TO SAY.. Nothing's the matter .. Yogi"

:)

Answer 10

open your pants and look down. There is the smallest joke of all.