Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

if u can't find your diaper?????


Note: I am only SIX months old!!!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ilovejokes/

2006-06-06 20:17:33 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-06 20:14:30 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

An army camp in a desert that just received a new commander. During his first inspection everything checked out except one thing. There was a camel tied to a tree at the end of the camp. The commander asked what it was for, one of the soldiers who had been stationed there for a while told him that the men sometimes get lonely since there where no woman so they have the camel.
The commander just let that go, but after a few weeks he was feeling very lonely so he ordered the men to bring the camel into his tent. The men did, and he went to work on it. After about an hour the commander came out zipped up his pants and said,"So is that how the other men do it?" One of the men responded, "No we usually just use the camel to ride into town."

2006-06-06 20:12:02 · 16 answers · asked by Pd 6

Rock a by baby on the tree top, when the wind blows the cradle will rock, when the bow breaks the credle will fall, DOWN WILL COME BABY SPLAT ON THE FLOOR. lol I realy sang this to my two children when babys and as I laughed so did thay.

2006-06-06 20:07:59 · 21 answers · asked by littlebrother1961 3

A certain private school was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would but it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they
put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the bathroom mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back on the mirror. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
She asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required to clean the mirrors. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.


There are teachers, and there are educators....

Comments?

2006-06-06 19:30:29 · 13 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

I'm bored out of my mind....

2006-06-06 19:04:30 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

in a train u and ur gf going at sudden one boy n gal sit frunt of u they r not brother n sister, not mother n son , not husbend wife and then u asked that wats ur relationship then boy said my father in low and her father in low are father and son, now u tell wats their relationship

2006-06-06 19:03:14 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

how many sides are there on the grip of a standard tennis racket?

2006-06-06 19:00:21 · 11 answers · asked by Rockstar 2

2006-06-06 18:41:58 · 2 answers · asked by mrbadmood 2

2006-06-06 18:37:29 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

this guy walked into a whore house at the end of a long night and the ony girl left was a girl called sandpaper sally.
feeling pretty horny he took her upstairs and they started getting it on. after a while he said god this is rough, no wonder they call you sand paper sally
..she tells him to wait a minute ill be back soon.she dissapered for a while then came back and they went at it again.
the guy was amazed in the diffrence and had to ask how she made it so much better..there was a pause and she said
''i lust picked the scabs and let them run''

2006-06-06 17:51:03 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-06 17:21:41 · 25 answers · asked by araka g 1

I know a few:
sarah sharah shir same'ach
Ganan ginen dagan bagan
dagan gadol gadal bagan
nachash nashach nashach
I know one more, but I can't remeber how it goes-something like "yitzchak hamatzchik tzachak tzchok matzchik" (I can't remember the rest of it).

Anyone have more?

2006-06-06 17:17:50 · 7 answers · asked by וואלה 5

2006-06-06 17:02:53 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

...is it also illegal to go into a crowded fire house and yell "MOVIE!"

2006-06-06 16:46:34 · 16 answers · asked by Bloorf 2

A certain crime is punishable if attempted but not punishable if committed. What is it?

2006-06-06 16:35:09 · 18 answers · asked by Emily C 2

YOUR AGE IN CHOCOLATE


It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read ...

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1756 .... If you haven't, add 1755.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number (i.e, how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE!



thought I'd share

2006-06-06 16:29:58 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok me and a kid at my job have been playing this games 4 almost 2 years.
Here's how it works:
any word that has two letter next 2 eachother is game.
For example:(these can not be used)
harrass
better
yellow
chill


...This game could go on forever!!!

2006-06-06 16:24:38 · 13 answers · asked by babyphat_8753 1

Mine is
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8.... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

2006-06-06 16:22:45 · 7 answers · asked by Emily C 2

Somehow, they're telling me to eat kids.

The show is giving me carnivorous urges.

What EXACTLY does he do to kids?

2006-06-06 16:21:16 · 6 answers · asked by Coffee-Infused Insomniac 3

the one with the llama? llama, llama,llama rockin everywhere. just kidding?

2006-06-06 16:18:14 · 5 answers · asked by math wiz 1

I have two my best friend and this orental kid but on this site lots of avatars look like me mate.

2006-06-06 16:10:48 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-06 16:07:17 · 14 answers · asked by snoyl197 1

2006-06-06 16:05:18 · 23 answers · asked by snoyl197 1

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person then you are...?

Third Question: Tricky arithmetic. Do not use paper and pencil or a calculator. Must be done in head.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana 2. Nene 3. Nini 4: Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?



















1.If you said that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

2.If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

3.Did you get 5000?The correct answer is actually 4100.

4. Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Her name is Mary

What did you guys get?

2006-06-06 16:04:29 · 13 answers · asked by Marie 3

2006-06-06 15:56:24 · 8 answers · asked by snoyl197 1

For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity....

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor..

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys
and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the
bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for synon ym?

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an edangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
start speaking?

19. Why do they put Braille writing on the drive-through bank machines?

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road
signs?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an alge-bra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults en joy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

31. Why is it called tourist season, if we can't shoot at them?

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?

34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

2006-06-06 15:56:08 · 5 answers · asked by *** The Earth has Hadenough*** 7

2006-06-06 15:48:26 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once it was growing and green,
Now it is dead and singing.

how many different secret code words can you make using 3 stars and 2 dashes in each word

2006-06-06 15:47:08 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-06 15:33:32 · 7 answers · asked by Dangus B 1