Can someone entertain me with some jokes?

Question

I'm bored out of my mind....

Answer 1

Look, these are not just jokes, but oh well.

What goes up and never comes down?
Your age.

Knock, Knock...
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- Arthur.
- Arthur who?
- Arthur any better jokes than this?

Why can't centipedes play soccor?
By the time the put on a shield for their last leg, the game is over

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ya.
Ya who?
What are you so excited about?

1. What is the easiest way to throw a ball, have it stop, and completely reverse direction after traveling a short distance?
2. What is at the beginning of eternity, the end of time, the beginning of every end, and the end of every place?
3. When things go wrong, what can you always count on?
4. What is always behind you but you can never touch it?
5. I am never the first to speak but I am always the last to be heard. Who am I?
6. We were born of the same mother, on the same day, at the same hour and in the same year. Yet we are not twins. How do you explain this?
7. Two fathers and two sons were seated round a table. There were four apples on the table. Each of them took one apple and ate it entirely yet there was still one apple left on the table. How was this possible?
8. Before Mount Everest was discovered which was the highest mountain in the world?
9. Here everything is not always in order. For example, Friday comes before Thursday, the cart comes before the horse, the driver comes before the employer. Where are we?
10. When I am alive I stay put where I am. It is only when I am dead that I move about here and there. Who am I?
11. How can you be behind a person when that person is also behind you?

Answers below.
1. Throw the ball straight up
2. 'e'
3. Your fingers
4. The past
5. An echo.
6. They are triplets.
7. There were only three persons at the table comprising a grandfather, his son and his grandson.
8. Mount Everest, of course. It was always there!
9. In a dictionary.
10. A leaf.
11. Put yourself back to back of each other.

1. There are six eggs in the basket. Six people each take one egg. How can it be that one egg is left in the basket?

2. Acting on an anonymous phone call, the police raid a house to arrest a suspected MURDERER. They don't know what he looks like, but they know HIS name in John. Inside they find a carpenter, a lorry driver, a car mechanic, and a fireman all playing cards. Without even asking his name, they arrested the fireman. How do they know they've got their man?

3. Three of the glasses are filled with orange juice; the other three are empty. By moving only ONE glass, can you arrange them so the full and empty glass alternate?

4. There was once a recluse who never left his home. The only time anyone ever visited him was when the food and supplies were delivered, but they NEVER came inside. Then, one stormy winter night when an icy gale was blowing, he had a nervous breakdown. He went upstairs, turned off all the lights and went to bed. Next morning, he had caused deaths of several hundred people. HOW?

1. She takes the basket as well with the last egg still in it.

2. He is the only man - all the others are woman.

3. Take the second glass from the left, pour its contents into the fifth glass from the left then return it to it's original position.

4. He is a lighthouse keeper.

5.The mailman did it, because there is no mail on Sunday.

Tongue Twisters
If you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you understand and say "don't understand".How do I understand that you understand? Understand!



I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.



Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.



A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.



Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People



If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?



I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.



Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow what a fellow means?"



Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO", and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.



She sells sea shells on the sea shore, but the sea shells that she sells, on the sea shore are not the real ones.



The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.



If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors? "When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"



We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.



Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.



A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue!



If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.



Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw before See sawed Soar's seesaw, See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw!



Hope that entertains you!

Answer 2

Hollywood, you are the most beautiful girl in this World!

Priyanka Chopra is an Indian film actress in Hindi films. She is the Miss World title holder for the year 2000. There were allegations that her Miss World title was rigged and that 1st runner-up Giorgia Palmas of Italy deserved to win instead, after a mistake made by Chopra in the final round was overlooked by the judges. Asked "Which living woman do you admire the most?" she replied, "Mother Teresa", Mother Teresa having died in 1997.

Answer 3

A man applies for a job at a construction site. He tells the foreman, "well, there's just this one thing I think you should know. I was in the war and I lost both of my testicles in an explosion."

"Not a problem," says the foreman. "As a matter of fact, I think you are well qualified. You can start Monday morning at 10:00. How's that sound?"

"Well that's good, but why so late?" The guy says.

"well," the foreman adds, "most people start at 8:00 AM, but they just spend the first two hours standing around and scratching their balls."

Answer 4

Someone called miss Piggie's apartment, Kermit answered. The person calling said "can Miss Piggy talk?", and Kermit Replys, "Sorry she can't come to the phone right now she has a frog in her throught."

XD XD XD

Answer 5

That Kermit joke, which was funny...reminded me of an old Kermit joke......what is green, slimy, and smells like bacon?.....Kermits finger.

Answer 6

how do you know that the tooth brush was invented by a redneck?

if it was invented by anyone else it would have been called a teethbrush. check ya later ♥

Answer 7

What do u call a person who stares at a computer all night? Answer: HORNY

Answer 8

why do they call pms pms? because mad cow dieases was taken

Answer 9

My name is me and your name is you then who is mad?