Jokes & Riddles - October 2007

Brothers an Sister I have none, but that mans father is my fathers son?

Can somebody please explain this in a clear enough way that so a 8th grader would understand?

2007-10-14 17:41:59 · 13 answers · asked by Paper.Milk 3

10 points to the first right answer

2007-10-14 17:33:45 · 4 answers · asked by kkldng 3

Have you guys seen the yahoo news headline that reads "Rice begins long process in the Middle East"? Well, the first time that I read this headline, the first thing that came to my mind was that it was a new recipe made with rice that they were beginning to make in the Middle East. Isn't that funny? Have any of you also read a headline in the newspaper and miss interpret it?

2007-10-14 17:23:05 · 6 answers · asked by john 6

zero, they don't have hands


LMAO!! Do you get it???

2007-10-14 14:41:38 · 13 answers · asked by lindsey p 5

how do you think I'll put you out?

2007-10-14 14:20:00 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have trouble leaving the internet......I just found it four months ago........I will check back in two hours......the funniest answer will get ten points.........

2007-10-14 14:02:59 · 2 answers · asked by Sweet Judy 7

the first one says "Jesus". They are immediately smashed by a giant can of Milwaukee's Best.

2007-10-14 13:43:47 · 8 answers · asked by jordan c 3

1. If you push the right button I get very hot

2. I am over 7 inches

3. The ladies love me

What am I?

2007-10-14 13:15:08 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

What does tupperware and a walrus have in common?

They're both looking for a tight seal.

HAHAHAHAH... ok, is is a good joke? Is is ok to tell when kids are present?

2007-10-14 12:57:40 · 9 answers · asked by Ben H 5

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DRINK??!!


*STAR TO SPREAD THE WORD*!!!!

2007-10-14 12:25:31 · 57 answers · asked by K 1

.Doctor has a look and says " are you stressed at all?" Man replies "no not at all, i love my job and life is great" Doctor says"hmmmm what do you do in your spare time?" Guy replies "watch porn and eat cheese wotsits"

2007-10-14 12:01:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

He replied:
"I'd rather you called her Heather!"

2007-10-14 11:59:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde was driving home and she got caught in a hailstorm. Her car had a lot of dents so the next day she took it in to the repair shop.

The man saw that she was blonde and decided to have a little fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard and all the dents would pop out.

So when the blonde got home she started blowing into the tailpipe and nothing happened.

Soon after(she was still blowing) Her room mate, who was also blonde, said "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her room mate about how the repair man told her to blow into the tailpipe to fix the dents.

The second blonde examined the car for a moment then said "HELLOOOOOOOO!!! You need to roll up the windows!!!!!!!!!"

2007-10-14 11:55:57 · 9 answers · asked by KT 2

frosted flakes...

2007-10-14 11:44:41 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

My youth pastor told me that if I found out the answer, he's give me a chocolate bar!

In the land of deep but not profound, there are spoons but no forks, hills, but no mountains, and so on.If you know the answer to this , so called riddle, I will be very happy and thankful.Please do all you can to help me because I am all out of ideas.This a shared account, and this is Maya asking

♥ Maya

2007-10-14 11:38:02 · 5 answers · asked by ღ♥Sweet Peaღ♥ 2

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube for me."

The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to accompany me to the station to give a blood sample."

"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Well, then we'll take a urine sample."

"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."

"Alright, then I need you to come out here and walk along this white line."

"I'm sorry, officer, but I definitely cannot do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."

2007-10-14 11:31:33 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Irishman walks into a bar in Cork, Ireland and asks the barman which was the fastest way to get to Dublin. The barman replies, "Are you walking or driving?" The Irishman says that he is driving. The barman says, "Well,that's the quickest way then!"

2007-10-14 11:30:41 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

accused of dropping litter in a public place.
The magistrate listened to all the evidence then conferring with his colleages on the bench declared 'Guilty' as charged.
Then he carried on 'as punishment for this crime, you will be taken to a place of execution and hanged by the neck until you are dead.'
At this, the prisoner fainted clean away.
The court officials rounded on the Magistrate and asked what on earth was going on, he couldn't do that, had he gone completely mad???? I know, I know, he replied. But I've always wanted to say that!!

2007-10-14 11:24:24 · 15 answers · asked by Kitty Katty 4

2007-10-14 11:22:47 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

...is usually pronounced wrong by the best of scholars?

2007-10-14 11:14:27 · 6 answers · asked by Don't Panic! 6

A Sergeant and a Private were patrolling the streets in a Irish town near the Northern Irish border. There was a 9.00 PM curfew in place with orders to shoot on site anyone who disobeyed. Suddenly private Slattery shoots a man walking down a lane. The Sergeant screams, Slattery its only 8.45, why did you shoot him, Slattery replies, well I know where he lives and he would never have made it by 9 o'clock.

2007-10-14 11:11:34 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

was a cold winter day when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite.

He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not to far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line.

It only took about a minute and WHAM!, a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.

The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.

This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time. He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?" To which the boy responded, "roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."

"What was that?" The old man asked.

Again the boy responded, "roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."

"Look" said the old man, "I can't understand a word you are saying."

So the boy spit into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"

2007-10-14 11:03:41 · 15 answers · asked by Blake 5

How To Shower Like A Woman:

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins
6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel,
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

2007-10-14 10:38:15 · 10 answers · asked by daffydd max 3

A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I
have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one
thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some
fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your
problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put
them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the
bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible
phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and
worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house.
His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their
cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and
the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put
the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!"

2007-10-14 09:58:40 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Cajun used to have a 25-inch penis. I went to my doctor and said, "I can't live with this penis anymore!

It's too long." The doctor replied, "I can't
do anything for you, but if you see the witch doctor in the bayou, she
can help you."

So, the Cajun travelled all the way to the bayou and saw the witch doctor. The witch doctor said,
"Go into the swamp and find a female frog. Ask her to marry
you. She'll say "No", and you'll lose 5 inches off your penis!"

So, the Cajun went to the swamp and found the frog and asked her, "Will you marry me?"
"No!", she said. he suddenly lost 5 inches off my penis!

The Cajun was so happy with the results, and thought, 20 inches is just too much.
So he asked the frog again, "Will you marry me?" The frog said, "No!"
And he immediatly lost another 5 inches.

The Cajun thought, my God, 15 inches is great! But 10 inches would just be
perfect. So he asked the frog once more, "Will you marry me?" And the frog said, "How
many times do I have to tell you ... NO! NO! NO!"

2007-10-14 09:47:20 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Clever Blonde

A man was on a flight to New York from LA. He was sitting next to a blonde lady. He decided to have some fun, so he asked the blonde to play a game. The game went like this: he would ask a question, and if she didn't know the answer, she would pay him $10, and visa versa.

The blonde refused, and tried to take a nap, but the man, instead of giving up, said "I'll pay you $100 for every question I don't know, and you can only pay me $10. Okay?" The blonde finally accepted.

The man asked: "Who is the leader of Russia?" The blonde promptly handed him a $10 bill. Then she asked: "What is black and white and runs up hills backwards?"
The man pondered on this for a while, then took out his laptop and proceeded to check all his references, email all his friends, and ask the question in chat rooms.

After an hour the man handed the blonde $100, then asked "What was it anyway?" The blonde handed him a $10 bill and chuckled.

2007-10-14 09:43:01 · 19 answers · asked by Blue-♥-Berry 6

is it funny when you choke on cheese on toast
while answering a question on here

2007-10-14 09:38:42 · 15 answers · asked by oh no,,,it's the kevsta 4

National Dyslexia Association

2007-10-14 08:34:57 · 8 answers · asked by Razor 4

that you are tougher than a big guy named Kong!

2007-10-14 08:26:17 · 7 answers · asked by Plato 5

A little boy walks up to a little girl, pulls down his pants and says "I've got one of these, you haven't"
The little girl pulls down her knickers and say "No, I've got one of these, but when I'm older I can have as many of those as I want"

2007-10-14 07:52:34 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous