Jokes & Riddles - October 2007

A man takes his seat on an airline flight and he is seated next to an attractive younger women. During the flight she pulls out some paper work, they chat and she is grad student working on masters thesis. She explains she is comparing the physical differences between ethnic groups. She states, "Right now I am on the chapter dealing with the male member and how the size varies by region." She gives him a wry smile and he gets a little red faced. So he trys to play it cool and asks....So what ethnic groups have the largest members. She states that would the Polish and Native Americans. Uhm he says. She then introduces herself.....I am Mandy Jeffers, he says without hesitation.....Nice to meet you....I am Running Bear Kowalski.

2007-10-20 13:38:42 · 3 answers · asked by Gatsby216 7

Best answer gets 10.

2007-10-20 13:29:18 · 31 answers · asked by Mewtwo 2

2007-10-20 13:21:57 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

you could actually be arrested! You would have to show proof of marriage. I couldn't even imagine how that would would be today if they went through the hotels!!

2007-10-20 13:04:17 · 6 answers · asked by Luv2no is in the house 7

If GH can stand for P, as in "Hiccough";


If OUGH stands for O, as in "Dough";


If PHTH stands for T, as in "Phthisis";


If EIGH stands for A, as in "Neighbour";


If TTE stands for T, as in "Gazette";


If EAU stands for O, as in "Plateau";

Then, the right way to spell POTATO should be: GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU

2007-10-20 12:54:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, JIM TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT HIS WIFE ONE
DAY AND SAID, "HONEY, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP
CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I
GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL."

HE CONTINUED, "NOW I HAVE A $500,000 HOME, A $45,000 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA
SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME
THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS."

HIS WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD HIM, "GO OUT AND FIND A HOT
25-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE
LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED
AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV."

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE
CRISES.

2007-10-20 12:50:51 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy who was shipwrecked on a desert island. He'd been there for some months when, as he sat on the beach, a figure appeared in the surf.

As he watched, it turned out to be a beautiful woman in a wetsuit, walking out of the surf.

She approached him and said, "I'd bet you'd like a Cold One."

"You've got beer?" he asked, and she nodded as she unzipped a compartment in her wetsuit and pulled out a frosty can, cracked it open, and handed it to him.

"I bet you'd like a nice smoke."

"You've got cigars in there?" he asked.

She nodded and opened another zipper and pulled out an Opus X, snipped the end off, lit it for him in her sultry mouth, and handed it to him.

She stepped up close to him, and whispered, "I bet you'd like to play around...."

"You mean," he panted, "you have a set of golf clubs in there?"

2007-10-20 12:47:52 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him.

The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.

Both are even after the first couple of holes.

The second guy says "Say, we're about evenly matched, what about we play for a five a hole?"

The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms.

Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.

The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church, to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money.

The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you."

2007-10-20 12:42:55 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok this isn't a joke because it really happen but it is at the same time since it's on here! Ok so this is about my sister she was on crushes at the time because she had broken her leg . I was ummm. 14 and she was 18 ! And since i was younger than her she always did evil things to me . So one day we were outside on the porch and she was on the stairs sitting down and i was standing by her . We were talking and everything and she said hey ces come here i kinda knew she had a fart up her sleeve . So i didn't come . And she was like come on come on. I wanna go in help me up i cant move good with this cast on . So i said ok ree and she pull me down beside her and tried to hold me until she got her fart out and all of a sudden i jump up and looked at her and her eyes were bucked and i said ree whats wrong . she said na'll your going to laugh and i said no im not and she said ok . I helped her up and she turn around ......She had crap all over her pants LOL ! I must had fell out laughing

2007-10-20 12:41:41 · 16 answers · asked by ♥Lonelygirl4u♥ 2

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again.

Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma justa tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

2007-10-20 10:36:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a shooting this morning in Belfast,
"A Catholic Woman was shot in the breast!"
Later in a similar incident
"A Protestant woman was shot between the legs"

The Police have described it as a



Wait for it
















"T1T for **** Shooting"

2007-10-20 10:26:23 · 16 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6

a blind man was standing at the bus stop waiting on his bus when a dog comes up and pees on him, he then reaches in his pocket and pulls out a doggy treat and the man standind next to him ask "hey man that dog just peed on you why are you giving him a doggy treat?" "because when I find his mouth I'm gonna kick him in his ***!!!!!"

2007-10-20 10:02:05 · 11 answers · asked by Bigpoppa 2

Ok, theres two coins that add up to thirty cents and one of them is not a nickel. What coins are they?


Im trying to figure it out but I can't. I hope you can=)

2007-10-20 09:53:25 · 7 answers · asked by Jay09Jay99 1

anyone got ANY GOOD blonde jokes or jokes in general

2007-10-20 09:24:29 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

2007-10-20 08:58:58 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-10-20 08:51:24 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are 3 people standing in front of a magic mirror. The mirror gives you anything you desire if you tell it the truth, but you disappear if you lie. The first person to talk to the mirror was a very fat brunette. She walked up to the mirror and said "I think I am the thinnest person in the world." and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. The next person to come up to the mirror was a very ugly red head. She told the mirror "I think I am the prettiest person in the world" and poof, the mirror gobbled her up. Lastly came the blonde. She walked up to the mirror and said "I think..." and poof, the mirror gobbled her up.

2007-10-20 08:42:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

i know!!hehehe!

ill post the answer in 1 hour!


(not including the dinosaur, the animal has to be alive!)

2007-10-20 07:33:35 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

She see's her blonde mate on the other side. 'How do I get to the other side'? she shouted.
Blonde looks up the river and then down the river and shouts back 'You're on the other side stupid'.

2007-10-20 07:15:38 · 5 answers · asked by monkeynuts 4

A wife is chatting about her husband with a friend. "Our sex life is terrible," the wife says.
"Do you ever watch your husbands face when your having sex?" the friend asks.
the wife says "I did once and i saw rage."
"Why would he be angry during sex?" the friend enquires.
The wife says: "Because he was looking through the window at me with my lover."......

2007-10-20 07:00:42 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Its part of a wheel of fortune 10/19 bonus puzzle solution (Friday night) need it by 4pm 10/22 Thanks ROCKY

2007-10-20 06:13:33 · 10 answers · asked by ROCKY R 1

A newly married couple returned to their house after being on
honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and have a shag?" the husband asked.

"Shhh!" said the bride, "All the neighbours will know what we're about
to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask
each other in code. For example, how about asking 'Have you left the
washing machine door open?' instead?"

So the following night the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the
washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it", replied the wife who rolled over and fell
asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little amorous herself and
she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing
machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No thanks," said the husband, "It was only a small load and I've done
it by hand."

2007-10-20 06:08:37 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A wife was getting pretty upset about her husband's lack of attention
and decided to come on a little stronger to him. After dinner, she put
on her sexy, backless nightgown backwards so her boobs were showing and
sauntered into the living room.

"Notice anything?" she asked slyly.

"Yes, you've got your nightgown on backwards," her husband answered
simply.

"How could you tell?" she cooed.

"Because the skidmarks are at the front."

2007-10-20 06:01:22 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.

"Hi, honey, it's daddy," says Bob, "is mummy near the phone?"

"No, daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Frank."

After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an uncle Frank,
honey!"

"Yes I have, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mummy!"

"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run
upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to mummy and uncle
Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay, daddy!"

A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I
did what you said, daddy."

"And what happened?"

"Well, mummy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around
screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window
and now she's all dead."

"Oh my god... And what about uncle Frank?"

"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and
he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have
forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he
hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."

There is a long pause, then Bob says, "Swimming pool? Is this 854039?"

2007-10-20 05:55:02 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tell me if you like this joke.
Thank You!

Helicopter Training:

A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I tu

2007-10-20 05:44:18 · 12 answers · asked by Taylor T. 5

Here are some bar jokes:

(ask for more at: cytex321@yahoo.com, its free!)

SOME THINGS YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN
A farmer is sitting in the neighbourhood bar slowly getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"
The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that is so horrible?" the man asked.
The farmer then decides to try an answer, "Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over."
"That's not so bad, what's the big deal?"
The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened?" the man asked again.
The farmer relenting, continued "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over."
"Again?" (look below for the rest)

2007-10-20 05:27:57 · 7 answers · asked by Killerkip 2

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


If you like this please give me a star

2007-10-20 04:21:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 men walking down a street it was raining, 2 of them got drenched one of them didnt , and there was no umberella or coats...?? what is the answer

2007-10-20 04:14:31 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

is capable of speaking any language? 2.. What do you add to a 29 pound barrel of water to make it it weigh 12 pounds?3.What word starts with an "e" ends with an"e" and has a lot of letters?4. how many bricks does it take to complete a building made of brick? 5.How many times can you subtract 5 from 25? 6.What happened in the middle of the 20th century that will not happen again for 4000 years? 7.What is the center of gravity?/ thanks for your participation...

2007-10-20 04:08:31 · 7 answers · asked by thomsonclara 3

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

2007-10-20 04:00:24 · 7 answers · asked by young105 2