English Deutsch Français Italiano Español Português 繁體中文 Bahasa Indonesia Tiếng Việt ภาษาไทย
All categories

Jokes & Riddles - October 2007

[Selected]: All categories Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.
The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter''s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!"

"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!"

"Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and you''ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a penis!"

2007-10-23 01:13:39 · 9 answers · asked by ttt 3

AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, "HONEY, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL.


NOW I HAVE A $500,000 HOME, A $45,000 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS."


MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.


AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISES.

2007-10-23 00:44:49 · 11 answers · asked by PC 7

doctor dave sat at his desk listening to a soothing voice in his head saying dave your not the first and you won't be the last and your not married.she was single and nobody has to know what happened between you two.so wot if she was a paient .then a nagging voice pulled him right back down to earth with a bump saying DAVE YOUR A F**KING VET!star if you thought it was funny!

2007-10-23 00:31:24 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Woman goes to buy a parrot.The shopkeeper tells her that the parrots are £100 ,£200 & £15.She asks whyis the last one so cheap?? "Because he used to live in a brothel" explains the shopkeeper.The woman dont mind that so she buys the £15 parrot and take him home. When she gets home and takes the cover off the parrot shouts out "f**k me a new brothel!". to this the woman finds it very funny. When her daughters get home the parrot shouts"f**k me, 2 new prozzies!" the daughters fall about the place laughing.When the father gets home and goes to see what all the comotion is all about. As he walks into the living room the parrot once again shouts out " f**k me PETE I haven't seen you for weeks!!"

2007-10-23 00:06:43 · 26 answers · asked by richy 3

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

2007-10-22 23:58:33 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter''s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!"

"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!"

"Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and you''ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a penis!"

2007-10-22 23:55:56 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

*Installing Husband 1.0*
Dear Tech Support,


Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance particularly in the
flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5,
and then installed undesirable programs such as Super 12 Version
5.0, Tri Nations 3.0, Limited Overs 7.2, and especially Golf Clubs
4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply
crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate


Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http:
I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't
forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as
designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications
Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, over use of the above
application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,
Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that
will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT
install Mother in law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, that
will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do
not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are
unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary,
Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and
cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.


Good Luck,
Tech Support

2007-10-22 23:53:22 · 16 answers · asked by zorro 2

BRILLIANT Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions!!

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring
3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mum?
1. We're related
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me.

What kind of little girl was your mum?
1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mum marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such a nut.
2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What's the difference between mums & dads?
1. Mums work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.
2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mum do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

2007-10-22 23:45:27 · 10 answers · asked by zorro 2

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the
wife into his office alone.

He said,"Your husband is suffering
from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your
husband will surely DIE!!!"

"Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he's in a good mood.

For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him it will only make his stress worse.

Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs.

Encourage him to watch some type
of sporting event on T.V. And most importantly make love with your husband several times a week,
and satisfy his every whim."

"If you can do this for 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

She replied, "He said you're gonna die."

2007-10-22 23:42:50 · 17 answers · asked by Sparky 5

WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, AND 12
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display,
and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies,
"Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a12 pack. With a sigh
and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March......."

2007-10-22 23:39:28 · 12 answers · asked by zorro 2

Do you know why women are called housekeepers?..... After the divorce they keep the house.

Why did God create men first? Because we learn from mistakes.

Men are like bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like the weather.
Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like blenders.
You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like department stores.
Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

Men are like government bonds.
They take soooooooo long to mature.

Men are like mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not very bright.

2007-10-22 23:37:23 · 30 answers · asked by Sparky 5

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11.Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
29.Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

2007-10-22 23:33:47 · 9 answers · asked by zorro 2

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington DC this Christmas
season.

This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capital.

There was no problem, however, finding enough a asses to fill the stable.

2007-10-22 23:31:56 · 14 answers · asked by Sparky 5

0

(1.) Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
(2.) A day without sunshine is like, night.
(3.) On the other hand, you have different fingers.
(4.) 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
(5.) 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
(6.) I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
(7.) Honk if you love peace and quiet.
(8.) Remember, half the people you know are below average.
(9.) He who laughs last thinks slowest.
(10.) Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
(11.) The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
(12.) I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
(13.) Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
(14.) Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.
(15.) A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
(16.) Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
(17.) Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
(18.) Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
(19.) If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
(20.) How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
(21.) OK, so what's the speed of dark?
(22.) How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
(23.) When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
(24.) Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
(25.) What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
(26.) I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
(27.) I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
(28.) Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
(29.) Smile, it gives your mouth somthing to do.

2007-10-22 23:28:20 · 7 answers · asked by zorro 2

A grandfather finds an earthworm in his garden.
His grandson sees him struggling to get it back in its hole.
He ran into the house and comes back with his grandmother's hairspray, sprays the worm and it become hard and stiff and he pushes it back in the hole. "Wow, how do you know that?" asks his grandpa. "Learned at school" he replies.

The next day his grandpa gives him 10 bucks. "What for? I just helped putting the soft earthworm in the hole." " I know" said the grandpa with a big smile on his face.

"It's from your grandma!"

2007-10-22 23:23:15 · 8 answers · asked by zorro 2

A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush's jumped the Game Warden !!

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.

After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

"Lets see yer fishin license, Boy !!" the Warden gasped.

With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.

"Well, son", said the Game Warden, " You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks !! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes Sir", replied the young feller," But my friend back there, well, he don't have one"...

2007-10-22 23:22:15 · 14 answers · asked by Sparky 5

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

LAW OF THE BATHROOM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold

2007-10-22 23:21:29 · 5 answers · asked by zorro 2

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.

The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!"

2007-10-22 23:20:20 · 13 answers · asked by Sparky 5

Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat.

When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, "I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?"

"Of course," the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.

The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.

When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively -- "Don't touch me!" he cried, "I'm on a disability pension."

2007-10-22 23:18:42 · 9 answers · asked by Sparky 5

Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp (skyblue) came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp (mumson45) who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, "That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting."

2007-10-22 23:16:55 · 19 answers · asked by Sparky 5

These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes included.

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

2007-10-22 23:16:47 · 4 answers · asked by zorro 2

What if you mother's sisters, cousins, brother and your dad's brother's wife's uncle's, dad's mom got married? Who would you have for parents?

2007-10-22 23:00:37 · 6 answers · asked by grannywinkie 6

A woman walks into a Ferrari dealership. She browses around, then spots the car of her dreams and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a small fart escapes her.
Extremely embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. But, as she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.

"Good day, Madame, how may we help you today?"

"Very uncomfortably, she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madame, I'm afraid I can't say.... If you farted just
touching it ... you're going to **** yourself when you hear the price."

2007-10-22 22:53:29 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5 You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..

2007-10-22 22:22:39 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A major hurricane (Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Basildon.
Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackinell".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived.
Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

2007-10-22 21:58:03 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: Are you sex**lly active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?

2007-10-22 20:51:56 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, then stopped at the bank to make a deposit. He went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.

Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, then sweep and mop the kitchen floor. He ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

2007-10-22 20:34:45 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

LITTLE BILLY ON...GETTING OLDER > Little Billy was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar > after another. After the sixth one, a man on the bench across from him > said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will > give you > acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." > Little Billy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." > "Oh?" replied the man. "Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a > time?" > "No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own f***ing business!"

2007-10-22 20:19:27 · 6 answers · asked by Gina B 4

Warning - Dirty joke coming up!

A guy drives into a truck stop and he reads a sign in a diner window that says "H*ndjobs $1. Sandwiches $2." The man walks in and sees that there is only one waitress behind the counter.
He asks the woman: "Excuse me, are you the woman who gives the h*ndjobs?"
She replies: "Yes, I am."
The he says: "Well, wash those hands and make me a sandwich!"

2007-10-22 19:33:17 · 7 answers · asked by Naruto 6

If you have two ducks in the front, two ducks in the back and a duck in the middle, how many ducks do you have?

I'll reveal the answer later...

2007-10-22 18:55:02 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

fedest.com, questions and answers