"Disorder in the Court", genuine quotes transcribed from Court xxx funny or not xxx?

Question

Q: Are you sex**lly active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy

Answer 1

Wow excellent

Answer 2

10/10

Answer 3

.....and here's one from a court in Melbourne, a barrister questioning the coroner......
Q. and you carried out the autopsy on Mr. Jones?
A. Yes.
Q. and are you sure that he was dead when you carried out the autopsy?
A. Yes.
Q. so how did you know he was dead?
A. Because I had his brain in a bucket on the table.
Q. But is there any possibility he could've still been alive?
A. If he was he'd probably be here asking me questions like these right now............

Answer 4

Q. How many times have you committted suicide?
Answer simply yes or no, what were your feelings towards this person?
Please tell the Court what the defendant said when you approached him.
A. I can't.
Why not?
A. His language was unacceptable.
I.m sure on this occasion, the Court will allow it.
A. The defendant said, "if you come any closer I'll kick your F*****g dog.
What happened next?
A. I moved closer.
And then?
A. He kicked my F*****g dog.
All true.

Answer 5

Reminds me of the 3 Stooges..nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Answer 6

Are you sure these are NOT from Ally McBeal or Boston Legal?

Answer 7

Lol that's hilarious. I'd seen all but the last one but I still LOVE them :)

Answer 8

hahahaha this has got to be the best you have posted. it really cute and nice but most of all funny.... lol star

Answer 9

not guilty m'lord
star awarded

Answer 10

hahahahaha