Jokes & Riddles - June 2007

i love the girls that sometimes do to those that sometimes dont.
to the kind of girl that says she will and then she says she wont.
but the kind of girl that i like best and i think you'll find i'm right.
is the kind of girl that says she wont but looks as though she might.

2007-06-07 09:23:47 · 6 answers · asked by boris the spider 5

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.

2007-06-07 08:13:03 · 12 answers · asked by bilbo b 4

10 pts for the first to answer correctly

2007-06-07 07:02:29 · 15 answers · asked by Bama09 2

A young couple got married and they had never made love before. On their wedding night, the new bride is quite anxious to get things going, but the man seemed to be having some difficulty.

Finally, he starts to undress. When he takes off his pants, she notices that his knees are deeply pockmarked and scarred. So his wife says, "What happened to you?"

The man says, "When I was young, I had the Kneezles."

He then takes of his socks and his wife sees that his toes are all mangled and deformed. "Hmmm, well what happened to your feet?"

"When I was a young boy, I had Tolio."

So, finally the man takes off his shorts and the woman replies, "Don't tell me . Smallcox, right?"

2007-06-07 06:35:16 · 14 answers · asked by MYKLIA G 5

the ad on myspace for Mall Santa Clauses?

2007-06-07 06:17:38 · 6 answers · asked by asmikeocsit 7

Girl - ' Is this Johnny Rotten?'
Boy - 'No, no, I washed it earlier'

2007-06-07 05:59:27 · 27 answers · asked by First Ascent 4 Thistle 7

When Liverpool sold Michael Owen Rafa Benietez decided that they should send their scouts out to look for some young talent.
One of the scouts went to Iraq and spotted a 17 year old striker who the scout thought would be a wonderkid in the premiership so Liverpool signed him

2 Weeks later Liverpool play their first game of the season against Bolton with 20 minutes to go Liverpool are 4-0 down and Rafa Benietez looks at the Iraqi striker and tells him to get ready to go on 5 minutes later the young striker is put on, he scores 5 goals and makes the game finish 5-4 to liverpool.

After his changed he phoned his mum and says to her my day was great today i came on with 15 minutes to go and i scored 5 goals the fans love me and so do the media how was your day he says to his mum. Well she says your dad was shot in the street and me and your sister were kidnapped. lm sorry the boy says SORRY his mum shouts its your fault we moved to liverpool in the first place

2007-06-07 05:37:27 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A rottweiler

2007-06-07 04:59:23 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

My sister and i were arguing about that who had more talent: girls or boys? so i said that boys work very hard because they need to give their 100% for a job. sis. said that girls are coool, because they only need to show 4% and the rest is
( 36 )
)24(
( 36 )

2007-06-07 04:45:45 · 10 answers · asked by Mr N 5

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.

School lunches stick to the wall.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.

A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom, I KNOW they're my feet."

2007-06-07 03:28:24 · 20 answers · asked by d_champz_here 2

1)What 11-letter word is pronounced incorrectly by more than 99% of Ivy League graduates?

2)What 7-letter word becomes longer when the third letter is removed?

3)The police put up notices warning the public about a ceratain type of crime, but actually helped the criminals. How?

4)All of my ties are green except two. All of my tie are beige except two. All of my ties are burgandy except two. How many ties do I have.

5)Maria's father has five daughters. Four of the daughter's name are the following:
a. Lulu
b. Lili
c. Lolo
d. Lele
What is the fifth daughter's name?

* I tried to pick ones that weren''t to difficult

2007-06-07 03:08:30 · 16 answers · asked by music_junkie247 3

a horse ride when one says "i,ve never came this way before" and the other nun replies "no good isn,t it"

2007-06-07 02:52:16 · 21 answers · asked by freddy 4

Whats the diffrents between batman and a black man?











Batman could go out at night without Robbin

2007-06-07 02:50:42 · 7 answers · asked by BrooklynNY 2

Police find a man dead in his home in what appears to be a suicide. There is a gun next to him and a bullet in his head.

There is also a tape recorder near him, with a tape inside. The police press play and listen to it. They hear the man's voice - "my life is a mess, I cant take it anymore" then the gunshot is heard.

The police realise this is a murder. How?

2007-06-07 02:44:49 · 26 answers · asked by thatsnotevenaquestion 4

ok i asked this question yesterday and no one got it right. if you can guess my middle name you will get 10 points, but you have to be the first one to het it right. My middle name is FIVE letters long, get that FIVE letters. and it has an R in it.

2007-06-07 01:53:31 · 26 answers · asked by Blackcat 2

There was a red head, black hair and a blonde they were construction workers. One day working 56 stories high building lunch time came so they all about to eat. When the red head open her lunch and said tuna fish damm if my mom makes tuna for me again im going to write a suicide note and jump off. When the black hair girl opened her lunch chicken if my mom cooks me chicken again im going to write a suicide note and jump off. so than the blonde opens her lunch box peanut butter and jelly if my mom makes P&J for me again im going to write a suicide note and jump off. the next day come the red head opens her lunch. tuna fish nooo write the note and jumps off. the black head chicken nooo writes the note and jumps off. the blonds P&J nooo write the note jump off. The next day at the funeral the red head mom is crying saying if she didn’t want tuna I would have never made it. The black head mom says the same about the chicken. The blonde mom goes I don’t understand she made her own lunch

2007-06-07 01:04:54 · 12 answers · asked by BrooklynNY 2

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard on the news that over 90% of accidents occur at the home?
A: She moved.

I have nothing against blondes, but I found a website with cool blonde jokes, and I wanted to share them.

2007-06-07 01:01:30 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-06-07 00:24:57 · 20 answers · asked by Need2Answer?s 1

i was standing on a bridge and i saw a boat full of people but not a single person.
how is this possible?

2007-06-06 23:58:16 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

_ER_ICE

VE_O_IT_

OV_RLA_

2007-06-06 23:10:50 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather slick, well dressed,
gentleman.
She asked, "Can I help you?"
"I want to see Natalie," he replied.
"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps you should
see
someone else."
"No, I must see Natalie."
Just then Natalie appears and announced to the man that she charged
R10000
per visit.
Without blinking the man reached into his pocket and handed her R10 000.
The two went up to the room for an hour.
The next night he appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie
explained that it was rare for anyone to come back two nights in a row
and
that there was no discount, her price remained at R10 000 a visit.
Again the man took out the money, the two went up to the room, and an
hour
later he left. When he showed up on the third consecutive night, no one
could believe it. Again he handed Natalie R10 000, and they went up to
the
room.
At the end of an hour Natalie questioned the man: "No one has ever used
my
services for three nights in a row. Where are you from?"
The gentleman replied, "I'm from Pretoria."
"Really," she replied. "I have family there."
"Yes, I know," said the gentleman. "Your father died and I am your
sister's
attorney. She asked me to give you your R30 000 inheritance."

Moral of the story is that some things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. and being screwed by an attorney.

*Star if you like;-)

2007-06-06 22:48:44 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

There a red head, black hair and a blonde. They where in a boat crash and swam to an island. Months has pass only surviving on fruits. One day they were walking and the red head trip on something in the sand after they dig it up they saw it was a genie lamp. They rub the lamp and a genie came out since there is 3 of you ill give ya'll 1 wish each so they all agree.So the red head say i want to go to my home town richer than rich poof she was gone
The black hair says i want to go back home to my family poof she was gone
Then the blonde didnt know what she wanted so the geni gave her a week to decide after a week pass the geni say what is your wish and the blonde say im bored i wish for my friends back

2007-06-06 22:35:28 · 8 answers · asked by BrooklynNY 2

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She : Dear !!





Now after the marriage you can read it from below to up !!

2007-06-06 22:33:57 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

First you see me in the grass dressed in yellow gay; next I am in dainty white, then I fly away. What am I?

What is so fragile that when you say its name you break it?
Forward I am heavy, backwards I am not. What am I?
What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in?

2007-06-06 21:21:22 · 7 answers · asked by Gina B 4

2007-06-06 21:07:20 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

has anyone got any good come backs that i could say, they have to be insulting and funny at the same time but nothing to over the top.
please i am out of my own come backs, please help me out.

2007-06-06 20:35:02 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: How did the Catholic Nun get pregnant?


A: She disguised herself as an altar boy.

2007-06-06 20:09:08 · 7 answers · asked by UtopianIdeals 2

The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.. "Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie."

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left..

The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that There were no discounts...it was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and an hour later, he left.

When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row. Where are you from?" The old man replied, "I'm from Philadelphia."

"Really?" replied Natalie. "I have family who lives there."

"Yes, I know," said the old man. "Your father died, and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give this $3,000 to you." (Some things in life are certain: taxes, death and being screwed by an attorney.)

2007-06-06 19:27:21 · 14 answers · asked by bilbo b 4

Happy little day Jimmy went away
Met his little Jenny on a public holiday
A happy pair they made so decorously laid
'Neath the gay illuminations all along the promenade
It's so good to know there's still a little magic in the air
I'll weave my spell

Jenny will you stay tarry with me pray
Nothing 'ere need come between us
Tell me love what do you say?
Oh no I must away to my mum in disarray
If my mother should discover how I spent my holiday
It would be of small avail to talk of magic in the air
I'll say farewell

Oh rock of ages do not crumble
Love is breathing still
Oh lady moon shine down
A little people magic if you will

Jenny pines away writes a letter every day
We must ever be together
Nothing can my love erase
Oh no I'm compromised
I must apologize if my lady should discover
How I spent my holidays

2007-06-06 18:47:15 · 8 answers · asked by freddie 5

I am frustrating.
I am confusing.
I am fun.
I am smart.
I am dumb.
I can be anything.
I can be a real thing.
Or something from someones imagination.
I am nothing.
I am everything.
I can be everything in the world, but only one at a time.
I will not be blamed if somebody has to go to the hospital over this riddle.

What am I?

2007-06-06 18:32:07 · 13 answers · asked by Super D. Bored 1