Jokes & Riddles - June 2007

And if you did,what was the name of his other leg?

2007-06-16 07:19:51 · 8 answers · asked by TEC 7

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

"It's supposed to be a tiger!" Sally cried.

"Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!"

2007-06-16 07:01:43 · 18 answers · asked by bilbo b 4

He is on the first floor and there is a fire spreading up from the ground floor.The firemen are on the street holding a tarpaulin sheet for him to jump into.
"Jump...we'll catch you."...said the fireman.
"I don't trust you lot, you don't like us Irishmen, when I'm halfway down you'll pull the sheet away like a bullfighter."said Paddy and runs up to the second floor.
"Jump" said the fireman.
"No !" said Paddy and runs to the 3rd and final floor.
"Jump" said the fireman.."There's no-where else to run."
"I still don't trust you lot.." said Paddy..."When I'm on the way down you'll whip away the sheet...you put that sheet on the ground...THEN I'll jump.!"

2007-06-16 05:45:35 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man asked his wife, "Darling,what would you most like for your birthday?"
She said, "I'd love to be ten again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early, and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything that was there, she had a go on.
Five hours later,she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with large fries and a strawberry shake. Then into a cinema, where, more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets flowed. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size."

2007-06-16 05:17:43 · 40 answers · asked by kelly 3

2007-06-16 05:13:41 · 18 answers · asked by ladybugbluez 1

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.”

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”

2007-06-16 04:43:57 · 15 answers · asked by bilbo b 4

Cause' it ran outa' juice!

2007-06-16 04:30:45 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-06-16 04:20:20 · 13 answers · asked by pfc123darkknight 5

2007-06-16 04:19:51 · 3 answers · asked by Yelle 2

a guy walks into a building and sees an okay looking girl. she said you can either take me now or go on to the next room. He went into the next room and saw a pretty looking girl she said you can either take me now or go on to the next room. He went on to the next room and saw a beautiful woman. she said you can either take me now or go on to the next room. He went on to the next room and saw a goddess. she said you can either take me now or go on to success. he thought for a moment and decided to go on to the next room. there hesaw a 400 lbs. biker. He said Hi i'm cess ready to suc-cess?!

2007-06-16 04:14:47 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-06-16 04:07:06 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-06-16 04:00:19 · 7 answers · asked by ajdemo76 1

2007-06-16 03:32:44 · 4 answers · asked by jamais n 2

fill in n have fun , creative answer pls
no brush my teeh b4 i go to bed, haha

2007-06-16 02:24:29 · 22 answers · asked by moonrider 6

writes a composition for shool. The topic is " What i want to be when I grow up."
She writes;" I want to have many lovely children and marry a wonderful husband."
When her essay is returned she finds that her teacher has written the following comment;" I hope you dont mean to do this in this order."

2007-06-16 00:09:47 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."

2007-06-16 00:07:25 · 9 answers · asked by sugarscamp 5

A guy went to the doctor to complain about his speech defect.
Guy: ccccoulddd yyyyoouu ppplleasseee hhhheellpp meeeh?
Doctor: the reason why you cant speak correctly is because your organ(d_ _k) is too long, you need to undergo organ transplant by replacing it with a shorter one.
The guy agrees , and one week later, the guy is back at the doctor's office.
Guy: I want my former organ back, my speech defect was gone but my wife no longer wants to have s_e_x with me.
Doctor: Wwwwhhhaatt dddidd yyyyoouu ssssayyyy?

2007-06-15 23:54:22 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

your ears,your neck, your chest, your armpick, your waist.....hehe.....

2007-06-15 23:54:06 · 17 answers · asked by moonrider 6

There is a 200 pound man with two100 pound sons. They need to get accross a wide river. There is a row boat that can only hold 200 pounds. How can all 3 get accross using only the boat. They can't swim, river is too deep to walk.

2007-06-15 23:27:54 · 10 answers · asked by fox_71498 3

The Big Evil Snowplow.....
It was a white snowy day,

The schools were closed,

The children were out to play,

But Then Came The big Evil snowplow.


The driver was an angry, scary guy,

He had big bushy brows, with scary little eyes,

The children were scared, some of them even cried,

As they saw the big evil snowplow.


He looked like he was getting ready to start plowing,

The children were throwing snowballs at him,

It didn't work but at least they were trying,

But then stopped the big evil snowplow.


The children were scared, as the driver stepped outside,

He went to the back and reached for something,

Then he came with a shovel, right by his side,

Now getting further from the big evil snowplow.


He approached the kids, not looking like that old angry man,

He stuck that shovel in the snow,

"Let's make a happy white snowman",

Said the nice man from the big evil snowplow.


Don't judge people from appearances as you may know,

People can be very nice even if they look really low,

Always look at their heart not what their faces show,

A great example is the man from the Big Evil Snowplow.

2007-06-15 23:15:27 · 6 answers · asked by aj r 2

The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school.

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too drunk to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be an idiot all day long.

2007-06-15 23:03:15 · 6 answers · asked by bilbo b 4

What are you wearing?
What time is it?
What ambient noises surround you?
What was the last thing you ate?

2007-06-15 22:54:40 · 10 answers · asked by PIP 2

RIDDLE
why will the world not come to an end?

JOKE
once a inspecter attended a school.he was to inspect the perfomance of the school teachers and intelligence of the students.he entered a clessroom and asked the students WHO BROKE THE BOW OF LORD SHIVA?
so the students replied as follows:-
krishna:first of all.i have not seen the bow.
gopala:i din't break the bow.
ram:i am a weak person.i dont have such capacity sir.
tanuj:let me ask my father and tell sir.
ganesh:sir,if i see the bow i may try.
the inspector became very angry and spoke to the principal.
these students are telling answers irrelavently .what's all this?
sir,we don't have such students who are capable of breaking a bow the principle replied .
the inspector felt that he had come to wrong place.

2007-06-15 22:25:12 · 23 answers · asked by chandu 2

Formula 1 .

2007-06-15 21:43:38 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror admiring his body and noticed that he was suntanned all over, with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that. He went to the beach, completely undressed himself, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to poke the penis with her cane.

2007-06-15 21:43:20 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

you call a fly without wings?

2007-06-15 18:19:05 · 10 answers · asked by metal706 4

Let's see how sharp your brains are...
The person who posted the correct answer will ofcourse get 10 juicy points!!!

2007-06-15 18:15:34 · 10 answers · asked by A.C.G. 2

2007-06-15 18:14:59 · 9 answers · asked by Lori F 6

I turn polar bears white
And I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
And girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
And normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
And make your champagne bubble.
If you squeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

2007-06-15 18:07:49 · 13 answers · asked by ruby v 1

OK, here's the question:

3 men go into a restaurant for lunch. Their meals cost $10 each ($30 altogether). However, when the waiter adds up the bill he finds that it is only $25. So he gives $3 change to the men, but puts the remaining $2 in his pocket. (He's cheeky ;)

However - this means the men only paid $9 each for their meal (and $9 times 3 is $27) since they each got $1 change back.
Now the waiter has the $2, making that $29.

So where is the missing dollar?

Good luck working this one out - I first came across this logic question a year ago and it took Mum, Dad and my teacher to work it out!

2007-06-15 17:33:33 · 9 answers · asked by Quynh N 2